Divorce Because of FM???

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by NyroFan, Jul 8, 2006.

  1. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Hi all:

    My ex and I divorced over my
    FM/CFS. He would not accept going into the golden years with a sick woman. All of his dreams were going up in smoke.
    I told him I wanted a divorce because if he could not stand by my side that he was no loving husband.

    Am I the only one divorced over these DDs?

    (I know this is personal, but I thought I would throw it out there).

    nyrofan
  2. TAM

    TAM New Member

    Hi nyrofan,

    Thats to bad your husband was like that, i guess he did'nt understand the part in sickness and in health, well you deserve better then that.

    It happens more often then one would think people divorcing or breaking up because the one who is'nt ill can't stand to be with someone whos illness has changed them so much.

    I was only engaged and i broke it off because he could'nt get it threw his thick skull that i no longer could go to a play, a movie,a basketball game etc..etc..i just got tired of having to say no i don't feel like going. When you have an illness where your in chronic daily pain you have to learn to accept yourself and not worry about all the things you can no longer do and just concentrate on the things your still able to do.

    And if your husband and or boyfriend does'nt understand your better off on your own you don't need the additional stress that will just make it worse. Well you take care and i'm sure one day you will find someone who will love you for who you are illness and all.
    Tammy
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    but the alcohol and women on his part is what really did it,,,

    not me...not my problems w/physical stuff,,,i was still working at the time...

    he was too paying attention to everyother female opposed to his wife and child....

    he has already said he was the one the messed up and i didn't deserve this...

    anyways...he said he will have to hire a nurse when he gets older to take care of him..

    i guess he figures his son won't help out...why should he be there for dad...when dad wan't there for him ..

    sorry for ranting..

    jodie
  4. place

    place New Member

    It has caused some major issues =(

    My DH was an on his countries Olympic Team for swimming. The man does not stop until 10 at night and he can go two-three years without getting sick.

    Moreover, he is very OCD with keeping the house clean. I on the other hand, can have stuff piled up to my nose without it bothering me!

  5. shootingstar

    shootingstar New Member

    My second marriage ended in a messy divorce. There were other things going on, but one thing was that he couldn't "fix" me. I took a big financial beating.
  6. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    My best friend had a brain tumor and when she was in the hospital having it removed, her husband went to see an attorney about divorce. Oh, and she had the tumor removed about 2 months after having his baby.

    She found out that she had the tumor at the beginning of her pregnancy. Her doctors all recommended that she end the pregnancy because the hormonal shift would make the tumor grow. She couldn't do that so in many ways she risked her life to have that baby and yes, the tumor did grow. That was 13 years ago. She still has problems related to the tumor being removed. I still have problems with the fact that we haven't removed her ex-husband from the face of this earth. I have to believe in Karma.

    He has even been as bad as saying that he wanted nothing to do with the child support and it was "her" problem. The court saw differently. She only gets child support while he enjoys his life with his new wife and 2 kids.

    Let's just say if I saw him in the road... I wouldn't stop. I'd back up to make sure I got him. I don't know how people can be so narrow minded and cruel.

    Hugs,
    Tigger
  7. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Nyrofan, everyone may disagree with me for what my opinion is, or because I have never been divorced, but I feel if a husband would divorce his wife because she was ill with FM/CFS, or anything else for that matter, there were problems in the marriage to begin with.

    A lot of times, men are very immature when they enter into a marriage, and they think everything is going to be perfect .... the little wife will wait on him hand and foot, cook for him, have his clothes all done up for him, and there will never be any major problems.

    When the problems occur, like sickness, where they really need the backbone to stand up and take some responsibility, they take the easy way out--all of a sudden it's all YOUR fault and they can't handle it any more.

    Or .... they were cheating to begin with, etc. and the sickness offers them a reason to get out.

    I say if a husband is a good, decent man, and really loves you, he will honor his vows ... in sickness and in health ... and stay by your side through thick and thin -- that is what marriage is all about.

    I worked with a lady who, after having 3 children with her husband, developed ovarian cancer. Her husband divorced her because he thought he could "catch" cancer from her during their sexual relations. She even had her doctor talk with him. How ignorant.

    In times of illness, financial woes, etc., it really brings out the strengths and/or weaknesses in your partner. In these bad cases, you are better off without him, even though it brings much sadness and hardship to your life.

  8. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member


    It's just one of many catalysts that could have caused it. If it wasn't that, it could have easily been a infidelity, financial crisis, whatever. If the foundation is cracked, a strong enough wind from any direction can topple it.


    Jeanne
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i do believe a chronic physical problem could cause divorce due to the fact that the loved one(men) can not fix the problem....if they can't fix it and make you happy then they feel as though they have failed...

    so they need to run for the woods..so to speak...

    it causes financial strains...spouse could get sick and tired of looking at us lying on the couch and then thinks that w4 are faking it...

    people divorce people becaus their spouse is now a quad or has a head injury... i have seen that personally....some people just can't deal....

    it is sad...i know i would be there for my spouse if they had fm or something else...

    for sickness and for health? right.


    jodie
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I was with my husband at the time when I first got sick.
    He told me he could not live with me being so sick.

    Yet: we went to the mall one day and he was walking real fast leaving me trailing behind. He did that through the whole trip.

    I asked him why he did it and he responded that he did not want to be seen with me.

    I was dressed very nicely, hair and nails done, but he said I looked sick and he did not know if he could cope.

    So: I told him to move out. I said I would not live with someone who felt that way about me.

    We did not talk at all at home after all of that.

    I called my lawyer and I said to take him to the cleaners.

    Maybe there were problems in the marriage that I did not know about. I knew he had a wandering eye, but I never had any proof he was cheating.

    I worked at a good job until I walked out and said I just could not do it anymore. That put another strain on the relationship.

    Be that as it may, the real reason he left was due to the illness. He told me he just could not cope with it.

    I said 'Then get out' and I made another call to the lawyer.

    And yes: I took him to the cleaners. Nice judge.

    nyrofan
  11. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I wasn't divorced over my illness but my long-term SO decided, at least I think he decided, that I just wasn't fun anymore. He always called me every evening, we saw each other on the weekend and vacation times for over 10 years plus eight more of being friends before that. Then one night when I was having a scary time and needed to see a specialist for a major procedure the next day, he just didn't call and never called again.

    I thought, of course, about calling him to find out what was going on, but why? I knew from his sister that he was all right, darn it..... If he couldn't be there for me no matter what the reason, I was better off without him. Besides, while he was making up his mind (I realized now that's what he'd been doing for almost a year) he was unkind and rude to me, the stress of which set me back.

    I still missed him for almost a year, can you believe it?!?! No closure, and then, of course, us folks with CFS don't exactly have the pick of the crop OR a good way to get to the field. lol

    Now when I think of it I tell myself it's his loss and I truly believe that. Still........jeeeeeeez.

    Marta
  12. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    sounds like he was mentally sick.Ya dont treat people you love that way.

    The big question is more like "Who would want to be married to someone like him?"

    PEOPLE ,not to brag or make anyone feel bad but there are really good partners out there.

    I have a wonderful husband ,hes a great human being to.There are people who will care about ,even people like us who are very ill.

    It doesn't sound like you had a marriage if he treated you like that.He had a bigger problem then your illness.

    If you want a good man or woman, there is one out there for you .Turn it over to God.Do not settle for anything less then what you would be to someone.Look for someone thats careing with others,kind hearted.All the things about what makes you a good person .

    I always tell my children to become the person they want to find .And that person will find them.

    good luck and Im sorry you had such a bad experence

  13. BlueSky555

    BlueSky555 New Member

    Well, my favorite saying here: "What goes around, comes around" and it will.

    Bless your heart; he must have forgotten the "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health".

    Not to mention, as TAM stated, "his loss, not yours".

    I wish I could say something that would help but sometimes, there are just no words.

    I'm divorced but because of infidelity on his part. I just couldn't live with that, but, he is the one that always made the statement, "what goes around, comes around" and it did. He began seeing me again, after he married her, lol. No intimacy, of course; I knew better and just kept him hanging on by a string until she found out (I made sure of that) and now he has to live with his own statement of "what goes around, comes around", LOL! I'm sure his marriage is NOT good, IF he is still married, lol! Am I bad???

    Nyrofan, I know it's painful but you will be better off in the long run. You will find someone else who will be kind and considerate or maybe you will rather stay alone. I'm alone and am fine with it. I don't even date anymore; just decided I like doing my own thing, when I want to and when I don't. Just take your time; one thing you do have is a choice.

    BlueSky555
  14. JLH

    JLH New Member

    It's nice to hear that you had a good judge!

    I hate that you had to go through a divorce, but it's also nice to hear that men who think like you ex did, gets what they deserve!!! LOL

    I hope in retrospect that you feel you made the right decision.


    Love and Hugs,
    Janet
  15. StephieBee

    StephieBee New Member

    I too am usually private about subjects like this, but I can tell you my little story. First, I am not married. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now. a few years after I was dx'ed with FM, I my weight had ballooned. One night I asked him why we were not intimate anymore, and he wouldnt answer me. Well I finally got it out of him that he was attracted to me anymore. We broke up for awhile and then eventually got back together. I had weight loss surgery (Lap Band) on March 7 of this year and I have lost 40 lbs. to date. Boy did he change his mind quick about how he thought of me. He is very protective now. It still hurts me to this day.

    Now with the FM/CFS...depends on the mood he is. He can be very supportive somedays and totally downright ugly the next. He doesnt understand your pain. He says Im a hypochondriac. Ya I wish that were the case buddy!!! Im at the point where I am ready to move home. Im only 25 so its not unreasonable. My family on the other hand are there for me through thick and thin, despite the fact my father is permanently disabled and is in more pain than anyone could ever imagine. Morphine, Duragesic Patches. OxyContin and every other lower strength narcotic do not work for him. It only takes an edge off. But when I need something, he would jump out of the bed for me and get me anything I need. They are ready to lay into my boyfriend, and Im not going to stop them.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only pray that you will find peace and happiness because you deserve it!

    Take Care,
    Stephanie
  16. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    It's not so much the FM as the fact that he couldn't deal with it...and I ruined his life by getting sick! LOL!!

    - julie (is free!)

    Take your cat
    and leave my sweater
    we have nothing left
    to weather
    In fact
    I'll feel a whole lot better
    But you'll think of me.. - Keith Urban