Divorce

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ktpar, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    Has anyone on the message board ever had an unfavorable divorces and your husband take your kids also. I am in a situation right now being a stay at home mom. I have recently been diagnosed with FMS and have had a disease called Rosai Dorfaman disease since 2000. My husband wont's to take our 2yr old and 9yr old claiming that I could not take care of them with all my meds and medical problems. Have been sick most of our marriage since '97. Please let me know what to do or what to expect. He has been the main bread winner with his job.
  2. shar6710

    shar6710 New Member

    I'm sorry about your situation. I can't offer any advice but I'll bump it for you.

    Good luck
    Shar
  3. beachwalkerbill

    beachwalkerbill New Member

    Hey
    I had that one…
    My X called Family Services and had the kids taken away from me because of all the drugs I took.

    It can get real nasty…… I even went to jail ………After that the judge had her removed from the court room for belatedly lying to him..

    Now, years later, both kids stay at my place by choice. The don’t like it when someone takes removes one of there parents.
    Have some faith
    Besides most cases can be settled with joint custody, which is usually best for the kids.

    Bill

  4. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I have not been in your situation but it seems to me that a judge would not take your kids away unless you were unfit mother. If you are on prescribed medications there is nothing anyone would look down on you for. You do need to hire an attorney if at all possible. Do you have any help at all? Do you have any family that will help?
    I'll be praying for you!
    Remember Jesus loves you, and so do I!
    Kellyann
  5. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    I have family, but they all are like hang in there things will get better. They are getting worse yearly it seems. He just returned from a tour overseas in Korea and every since then he acts like a single instead of a married man. He calls me a dope fiend in front of my kids and it embarrass me. I don't know if he could benefit from counseling because of his ego. I need him to be more supportive but he is not. He is verbally abusive I hope and pray it does not turn into physical abuse soon. I also won't out. I just don't know what how I could get Healthcare for myself with my pre-exsiting conditions like histiocytoses and FMS. Thanks for your reply. As soon as I get a chance I will go to talk to someone at the Legal office on post. God bless you all, KP
  6. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    Ktpar,
    I really do not have advise for you.....You seem like a good mom...that loves her children......I really think he will not take the children away....I wish you well.....try not to stress, I know easier said then done....
    Take Care,
    Cindy
  7. Gothbubbles

    Gothbubbles New Member

    Get the very best lawer you can get! justice is supppose to work but honestly, you just have to play the game. It's sad, and I knwo many lawyers so I say this becauyse of them.

    I hope you can keep your children! If you are you social security you have better chances since the state can give your kids money (And therefore support) BECAYSE of your illness.
  8. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    I have applied for disability, 1st denial in Oct. Waiting to go before a hearing. Hope that I win so I could have support other than his. I love my kids, have a child with Autism but I love him no less. I wonder how much it will take to get a lawyer? Don't have much money being a stay at home Mom. Thanks for all of your responses.
  9. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    That's a tough situation you're in. I haven't been through a divorce- hope to never have to- but my prayers are with you. I hope you can keep some custody of the kids- obviously you've been taking care of them all along....take care and stay in touch.
  10. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    So sorry to hear about your problems. First, you will have to be proven to be unfit. A medical problem is not being unfit. As long as your children are cared for and taken care of there should be no problem. I work closely with courts and children's services on a daily basis. Hope this helps. Good luck.
  11. Gothbubbles

    Gothbubbles New Member

    Two words you should look for in a lawyer:
    Pro Bono.

    It means you don't have to pay. There are SOME lawyers who will do this out of charity (good luck finding one, but I thought I'd mention it).

    Probably hard to find a divorce lawyer pro bono though.
  12. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I have never had this problem...... But you say you have been sick through out your marriage...........Well did your husband stay home from work every day cause you were on DRUGS cause he was concerned for the children NO....

    Did he say we should not have children due to you needing so many DRUGS NOOOOO.

    Any judge who would see that he never attempted to take the children away from you or stay home from work to protect them while you were married cause you have a drug problem.

    Should see that if it was a big problem he should of taken them away years ago......He did not .Also did not stay home cause he was concerned .

    So why now.......Give me a break he knew than it was not a problem and he knows now that its not a problem...I think the judge or your attorney should ask that ???? did you stay home every day cause you were concerned for there welfare.......His answer would be no....They will ask why not He will say that he was not worried about them..........So why now....???

    Sue
  13. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    military is toward dependents. Do you have access to the military lawyers?
    A friend of mine has a daughter who was married to a guy in the Marines I think. He came back from a stent in the Phillipines or some place similar and had changed completely. He stepped in their home and said he wanted a divorce right away.

    Up to then it had seemed like a happy marriage, she was little Miss Housewife. She didn't even believe him at first it was such a shock. But it was real. She didn't have a medical condition but his contention was that she smoked pot when he wasn't home with her and the kid. There was no proof of it but he did win and she has one weekend a month with her son. It has really thrown her into a tail spin and she is staying in a shelter for abused women because he was so emotionally abusive
    after his tour.

    I did not think in HER case the military was very supportive if at all toward her. She went to the person in charge and down the line or up the line? everyone she could, but got NO sympathy or understanding..it was all reserved for him. It might be smart to get an off base attorney if you can. Some will try to collect the divorce fees from the husband if you win, and one good thing the military does is make sure any awards get paid if the guy loses.

    I'm sorry for your situation! It bad enough to have these dd's without the additional stress of a family breaking up. Does he give any reason for what sounds like a change in his feelings? Good luck! Bambi
  14. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    for my divorce after 5 year seperation.

    I live in Iowa and in order to take the kids away from you they have to prove you unfit and that is severe. Unfit being neglectful not providing food clothes and shelter or any abuse is considered unfit.

    Not being able to work or being on medication is not considered unfit.

    I n Iowa if you live in same town or neighboring towns now the have where kids stay with mom 1/2 the week dad 1/2 the week for example mon-thurs with mom Thurs night -sun evening with dad.

    My brother is in that situation and he says it works good for them.

    My girls are 16 and 18 so doesn't affect me.

    Also about med bills.
    you could probably qualify for state help on that check in to it. There is also a clause in the divorce whare your x has to supply medical through Cobra insurance. there is all kinds of help out there.

    Don't stay in a marraige if you want out Just because you don't know how you will afford it. That's not marriage.

    Hope this helped in some way
    Keep looking Help is out there .

    Start with THE Department of Human Services in your area they will tell you what to do.
  15. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    Thank you for your support.

    Bambi, You knew someone who had their kids taken away because of an allegation. That sucks.

    I really don't won't a military lawyer but won't someone who know military law and willing to do their job Pro- Bono. I am going to his superior to speak with them. They won't proof but some things has to be documented. He is at times unsupportive of me financially and when child care is needed for my theraphy or appointments. I am so upset with him. I won't them to know what their soldiers is acting out of character. kp
  16. pattieland

    pattieland New Member

    Sorry you are under this kind of stress - but I believe the military will be your guarantee that the louse will have to support you & children - file for Disability immediately if you need to - at least get it started. It takes a long time to succeed there. My own divorce (unexpected) took 2+ yrs & I, and others, don't know how I held up under the stress & bullying, but I had no choice.
    When he walked out, he earned all the $. I filed for temp maint. & that helps initially. He then HAS to comply with court orders or is in contempt. Unless legally separated, assets can disappear without an accounting. It was necessary to file for sep. maint. immediately b/c even that did not stop him from squandering assets on a young bimbo working for him. (He was fired from his lucrative career 2 yrs later so he got his.....)

    I had a son graduating h.s. so c.s. did not pay after age 18, but judge found me DEPENDENT on spouse & ordered hubby to pay during legal sep.aration - that went on 2 + yrs but was necessary. GET AN ATTY - you will need one - b/c he is military I would get on the phone or go to legal aid, etc. After my initial retainer paid, atty. "carried" me as they got substantial monies after the divorce - after 2 yrs. You need a "bully' atty. as I had, b/c I could not have stood up to "bully" hubby who - even in light of all medical records submitted - continued to assert I was not sick & I believe would have attempted to make judge think I was a "druggie" - yours is trying to "bully " you and you need to fight back. I don't believe he will get your kids but it all comes down to your judge IMHO.
    Our scheduled "divorce trial" settled on morning of "trial" b/c and I believe only because, I was to be "partner" in his new business if he wouldn't settle the case - judge stated this to us. He did not want me involved in his new business.
    Nobody wins in a divorce, we all lose. Each takes losses. Kids will adjust, believe me. My son graduates college this yr - is engaged and has new career in finance. He is FINE! Don't let your hubby wear you down. Get that atty. you need. Do not understimate what hubby will do to exacerbate your condition. Close friends do not know how I held up, but I had no choice, and neither do you. I repeat - get that atty. Start making calls. I called other attys. for recommendations, and got the best firm. Hubby lost a lot too. Even the bimbo left him last yr (?) when he would'nt marry HER - she wanted marriage & our properties and I said NO WAY. A lot depends on state law - so start to research! The bimbo being in the picture had little to do with our divorce - even tho he was supporting her - so start researching divorce laws in your own state - varies widely. Our situation was timed, I believe, by hubby - b/c son was graduating h.s, and no longer dependent, but if dependent children, you can stay in house depending on state, at least until children grown.
    This illness has hurt you, don't let HIM get you too by attempting to take your children. I wish you best of luck.
  17. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    My sister was a military spouse for 12 years, but finally divorced her husband because of his cheaating.

    One important thing she learned that I wanted to pass on to you -- if you're married at least 10 years you recieve a portion of his military retirement (if he stays in for his 20 years.) And they deduct it automatically and send it to you directly so he can't stop it. I think this may apply to the pay as well as to the retirement, but someone who is knowledgable about military divorces should know about this and be able to advise you.

    I think it's the same with child support -- that the military has a formula of its own for determining that, and it comes directly to the custodial parent.

    I know you said you were married in 1997, but this 10-year rule might have an impact on your timing of the divorce, depending on your anniversary date (and whether your future ex- plans to stay in military. Please ask your attorney about this...

    Best wishes,
    Janelle
    (And a side note -- it's hard to believe a divorce judge would grant sole custody to a soldier who is likely to be deployed in a time of war. Unless there was some clear abuse or some other substatiated neglect/danger to the child with the other parent, this decision seems like it would be really hard to justify.)

  18. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    Thank you for all of your advice. He did stop calling me names in front of the kids. I will go to his job on Mon for a sit down and I will put everything on the line. So he is trying to be nice. Have anyone stayed in the same home w/ spouse while getting a divorce. We only have one vehicle at this time. I had to sell my car because I couldn't afford it after I could not work anymore. If I move out I will still have to depend on him for transportation. He has taken my keys before and everything. So I had one spare made. I applied for SSDI June'06. Denied Oct'06. Waiting for a hearing.
    Please tell me your experiences with both. I have been thru so much I think I have tough skin. I can only depend on God for strength. KP
  19. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    I believe I have been co-habitant with him for like the past 3 or 4 years. But when it comes to him verbally abusing me around my kids that is what I can't handle. My family is about 70 miles away in the next city. I haven't told them because I am not ready for them to force there opinions on me. Almost every one of my family members have a strong personality. I used to have a strong personality to. I have been dealing with this FM & CFS and RDD for about 6 years know. I actually have gotten worse since we have recently moved to a cooler climate area. We have not been romantically involved in a few months. I feel no love connection with him anymore. I just won't to move on with my life now. He has been holding me back too long.