Do any of you avoid being around other people?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AnnetClo, May 13, 2003.

  1. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I was just reading Cookiemonster's post about the walk-a-thon and I felt kind of envious. But I know I would have found an excuse not to go. I do that all the time lately. I just don't want to be around people, not friends, not family, not co-workers. I'm not sure if it's because this DD makes me feel so worthless, or if it just takes too much energy (that I don't have) to socialize or what the deal is. I know it's not healthy (and I'm pretty sure that fanticizing (sp) about staying in bed all day isn't either), but I don't know what to do about it. Do any of you ever feel this way and what do you do to snap out of it?

    Hugs
    Annette
  2. OuchyMama

    OuchyMama New Member

    I know exactly what you mean it's like just any contact saps me totally. When people come to visit it is so hard too because if it is a bad dd day you are in pain and have to be hospitable. I would also be embarassed by the house not being perfect. (pre dd I was your typical type A that loved to entertain big themed family dinners with handmade party favors and from scratch cakes ect. When guests come now I am lucky if I can serve bologna and doritos lol. What I try to do to keep me from becoming a total recluse is small interactions. I meet someone for coffee or a slice of pie. The amount of time is controlled and it gets me out into the world. Bless You
  3. MemoryLane

    MemoryLane Member

    This is exactly what happened to me and it's still going on. The doctors put me on anti-depressants to help combat it, but the desire to be alone lingers, so I believe it is part of our condition. I read somewhere, that the psych symptoms we experience with CFIDS/FMS cannot be addressed with psych meds and that they will persist inspite of therapy. I personally cannot tell if one ever snaps out of it.

    It is unhealthy, I know, but I prefer to stay in my little room in the back of my house. This is where I feel the most comfort and no one is allowed to yell or disturb the peace - it has been my sanctuary. Even our cats prefer this room, so I know this is a good sign. I have become reclusive and I accept this, but right now this is what I need. Maybe some day I will have the strength and desire to get past this point and venture out, but for now I choose to stay where I am.

    Lane



    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2003]
  4. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    I find myself making excuses too. Only because I do not know from minute to minute what is going to happen to my bod. The energy it takes to pretend,people do not go out to be with a person moaning,literally I have been told. I live alone so I moan in pain and do not even realize till I am with friends who say I do. I love parties,am a people person now I can not wait to get home in clothes that do not hurt,bra off,in comfort of my lounger. What a bore, if my old friends could only see me now, used to be life of the party. When I 1st started getting sick I virtually hid in my house so no 1 would know I felt so sick. Being single I would like a relationship, I do get lonely,no family close. It just is too hard for anyone to grasp,takes alot of energy to get into a relationship. So here I am. DANG!
  5. BabsFl

    BabsFl New Member

    Hi Annette!
    I am also a homebody. I always thought it was just me. I guess not. My husband just don't understand. I used to manage a hair and tanning salon. I was very outgoing and loved to meet people, go places and have fun. Not anymore! Most of the time I hate to leave the house. My brothers and mom say I am not the same person I used to be, they're right and I probably won't ever be.
    I make myself get out sometimes, I get up, say a prayer and ask God for his strength,for I have none of my own. Then I get a shower get dressed and go. I don't go for long, after I get back I am always happy I did it. Sometimes it gives me a little lift to make it through the rest of the day just knowing that I did do something I used to do and loved. I will be praying for you. God Bless

    Big Hug
    Barb
  6. I am more of a homebody too, I think this dd makes us that way. I mean, I go to stores quickly get what I need and leave. Its a chore just to do these things. I mostly keep to myself, no one understands fibro or wants to. Thats why I like this site, I feel we all can understand what we go through with this dd .
  7. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    vaguely. I remember working 8-10 hours, running home for a shower and a change of clothes and then off to a club or a party. Those days are long past, but at least before this DD I enjoyed having my kids and grandkids with me. I enjoyed "slumber" parties with the 2 oldest girls when we would sit up til all hours watching videos and giggling. Now I don't even want to see them. I have to work, although I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. It is really such a chore just to get up and get dressed and there have been several times just lately that I find myself nodding off at work. I almost always go to the conference room or to my car for a nap at lunch time. And when I go in at night, the bra is off almost as soon as the door closes behind me and I'm into my night clothes and I find a place to lie down. I don't want to talk or watch the news. Nothing. I just crave a bed! This is just no way to live at all. I guess today is my pity party day!! Sorry. But at least you guys understand.

    Hugs
    Annette
  8. Dorothy45

    Dorothy45 New Member

    Ditto! I've heard this is common. I go to work, and go to bed. I use to be very social, however, I am afraid to plan anything, because I never know how I am going to feel. I am having a very good week, though. I started something new, and I am crossing my fingers.
  9. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    Fibro people have low levels of growth hormone, and one of the things that low growth hormone does is cause a desire to isolate oneself. I have this too. I can hardly stand to be around people, even the ones I really like. I am an introvert and love to sit by myself and read, yet this is still hard for me, so I can't even imagine how hard it must be for extroverted people who loved to party.
    Klutzo
  10. Judi

    Judi New Member

    It`s weird that we all have a havan in our bed rooms, I have got out more this last year than I have since 1989, then in 92 when I was told I was disbled & couldn`t work again, I have other problems also, I stayed in my bedroom, I didn`t like myself, so I knew no one else would want to be around me.I have a dr. that is helping with not giving me med`s that cause weight gain, if at all possible. I met a wonderful friend on her from the same state, she has been a god send, plus God has put some old friends back in my life, but those days of needed to be by my self are still here, & I hate it. I have to plan ahead if I am going to do something, I rest so I can go at night. then after that I am down for a couple of days. We all just need to hang on & we will see it through.
    God Bless yOU,
    lOVE,
    Judy
    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2003]
  11. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I've read the posts about the growth hormone, but honestly with the fog I'm in most days haven't actually comprehended what it meant. But I think I feel better if it is a physical thing rather than severe depression or something. I don't know why that should make me feel better. I think to a degree I'm still in the denial stage, I just can't believe that I can't will myself to feel better or do more or overcome this feeling of being depressed. I feel like a failure and I definitely don't like to feel like that. No perfectionist does!

    Hugs
    Annette
  12. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    Friday we had to go to a wedding and then Saturday the celebration of it...and today I have just got back from a funeral.
    It was lovely to see all the family (my partners side, a lot of whom I hadn't met) but it is so utterly exhausting.
    On Sunday, I slept until 2pm and then got up for lunch which Phil had made (God bless him) and I was so totally exhausted that I literally couldn't lift up my knife and fork...that was scary, cos I havn't felt that bad for ages. I was back in bed within the hour.
    I too was the original party girl - going to them and giving them, and like someone else said, the dinner party giver...all of that...but now, I am even panicking about the Disability Allowance Doctor coming to examine me - cos my house is such a tip...Phil says that will prove a point - but I still have SOME pride even if I have no energy LOL
    He offered to get me a cleaning lady but I said I would have to clean up before she came cos I'd be too embarrassed...
    My worst thing is talking to friends on the phone. I run out of steam after about 15 minutes...my mind just goes blank with tiredness and I don't know what to say...
    Phil's Mum said how surprised she was that I look so well, as Phil has been telling her about my illness and diagnosis over the months...she doesn't know I'll probably spend the next two days in bed....hey ho!!!!
    hugs
    Mary xxxx
  13. stillfighting

    stillfighting New Member

    I've been dealing with the DD for at least 15 years, maybe longer. I've discovered that you have to listen to what your body is telling you, and stop worrying about disappointing others.

    Case in point. I work an extremely demanding job, not in terms of hours, but in the amount of concentration involved. For the first 7 years on this job, I was able to do everything, think circles around everyone, basically I was the "go to" person. In the last year, my fatigue has gotten so bad I can barely concentrate on a simple task. I've been taking lots of sick leave because I can't stand to be around people when I'm this way, and I've recently worked out a 2 day a week telecommuting arrangement so I can lay down in the middle of the day. As I see it, the alternative is giving up completely, taking a disability retirement and becoming a hermit. I'm not ready for that (yet), but it looks pretty attractive some days. :)

    My advice is do what you can, and don't worry about what others think. Find an outlet to complain (this is a good one), and pare your friends down to a few who understand your limitations and can make you laugh.

    LOL,
    Hilary
  14. jwock

    jwock New Member

    Hi Annette

    I often feel this way. It's just too draining to make conversation or entertain people. Also, I find that I hate the questions people ask, "How are you doing?" or "What have you been up to?" And the only answers I have are "very tired" and "nothing." Not a lot to hang a conversation on. I, generally, just have to wait for a good day to come around before I feel like socializing.

    Peace
    Mark
  15. aryiella

    aryiella New Member

    My condition isn't so severe that I can't socialize (I manage to get out at least once a week w/friends), I just choose not to mostly. As my illness has gotten worse, so has the isolationism. One example is that I purposely go grocery shopping in the middle of the night so there's nobody in the store and it's nice and peaceful and I can think. Believe it or not, over the years I've been going to crowded, loud nightclubs. At one point in time before my illness wasn't that bad I was definitely a party girl. I still get out to the clubs, but I don't drink, and being on a crowded dance floor starts making me feel claustrophobic. I can handle the club for 3-4 hours max, then I go home by myself to mentally "recover". It's like too much stimulation for my brain. So much activity like that keeps my brain in a wired state even if I'm physically tired. I think TV does that to me too. I have to make myself turn it off sometimes and put on relaxation CDs. I know all of this relates to my sleeping problems too.

    However, even as a child I was shy, type B kind of person. Over the years I've had to make a conscious effort to come out of my shell. It's hard, and it literally requires energy to do it. Also, I guess being alone is my defense mechanism from the world. I do have a little dog, so I'm not completely alone. And I do absolutely love animals.

    You know, I'm 28 now, and I'm scared that one day I'm going to end up being some little old biddy holed up in her apt with her dog, no friends, no family, nothing....

    Holly

    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2003]
  16. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    this is where you and I are different. I too love animals, have 6 indoor cats and 1 cockatiel BUT, I look forward to the day that I can stay home all day with my little fuzzbutts and have people point and stare at the "crazy cat woman". At least that would be something real that people would believe!!

    Hugs
    Annette
  17. mitch123

    mitch123 New Member

    Thats what I love about animals, they are easy work compared to humans. Nothing beats my dog and cat as cool and low
    energy companions
    bye
    mitch (newish member)
  18. COOKIEMONSTER

    COOKIEMONSTER New Member

    Oh my dear Annetclo,

    Please don't feel like you have to envy me....you were there with me in spirit as well as all of my family members from this board.

    I for one know exactly what you are saying. I was also the "happy go lucky" person that everyone enjoyed being around. Then this DD came around and I became a stranger even to myself....I am no longer that person I once knew....you know.....like the title of the move, "I remember me?"

    It is my opinion, and only an opinion,that it is not that we don't want to be around people or go clubbing for that matter. It's just that we suffer so much pain from head to toe and we have tried to get back into the swing of things.....but the experiences we have had once we set foot outside the door....stay with us.....which in reality has made us the people we are today. The majority of the time, we spend our time on this message board, because this is our way of getting "OUT." But it does not have to be that way. We are in charge of our destiny and how we are going to manage this monster. It's up to us to decide if this monster is going to take control of us or if we are in control of it.

    But remember, regardless of the situation, we are still full of life and breathing and if we have to live this way for the rest of our lives...so be it....but let's live with a positive outlook. Even if we are in pain, let's have dinner with friends, let's go to a movie every now and then, let's look beautiful even it's every three to four months....let's do it.

    We can either cry about our disease and make ourselves feel worse, or we take a stand and try to live normal lives. Life is what you make it out to be. No I'm no expert on pain, but gosh darnit.....I now know that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life or until someone can find a cure. So why give up at this point......Life is just to precious to let one day go by.

    Mother's day was quite difficult for me because I walked on Saturday for the walk a thon. But you know what, I was able to pull myself out of bed that day, make myself some tea...and sat outside admiring all the different colors of the trees, flowers etc., in my backyard. This was so comforting to me and I thought to myself that even though I still suffer the pain, I'm still alive and if anything I am able to read and if possible, share what little information or experiences that I have with you all.

    I have found that St. Johns' Wort has really helped me with my mood swings or should I say, state of depression. I know at first I thought that I had found the cure for us all.....innocently wrong....but I don't have that depressed feeling anymore since I've started taking the natural supplement. I now feel like I have life...just a life with a disability....that's all. But that does not mean that I have to give up....Nooooooo....what it all boils down to is that now I've been given a challenge.

    Remember when we held a job.....and all we could think about was the routine job versus a challenged job? What did we prefer? We preferred the challeged job because we became bored very easily and were always go getters. Now we have our own PERSONAL CHALLENGE.....no were not receiving a salary....but WE ARE paying a hefty price....but this should not stop us. It didn't before and it will not.....not now.....not ever!

    So in closing do you all remember that one song, Ohhhh...I can't remember the title...but it goes something like this......"Put one foot in front of the other.....and soon you'll be walking out the dooooooor." So all I can say is to just take one day at a time and you will not regret it!

    Love 4-all
    Cookiemonster
  19. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    flare now
    Loopyloo x
  20. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    Hello

    I avoid people and going out because I am soooo exahusted and because I hate to explain myself to people and get that blank stare like I was from Mars :)

    Anyway, I enjoy my own company tremendously :)