Do any of you have small kids?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lauraingalls, Mar 6, 2007.

  1. lauraingalls

    lauraingalls New Member

    Hi I am new to this board.

    I have CFS and just won SSDI.(well 99% sure I won) not official yet.

    I have 3 kids. twins age 3.5 and a 5 yr old.

    I feel exhausted ALL the time but I still have to care for my kids. I nap daily and that helps.

    I have brain fog that is severe and i cant keep up with keeping the house clean and doing daily tasks.

    I also have muscle and joint pain.

    I just wondered if any of you care for small kids and what you do and how you cope.
  2. Ginner

    Ginner New Member

    You will get alot of good information here. I am thankful for everyone being so helpful.

    I have have fms I CANNOT imagine raising children with this. My heart goes out to you!!
    You will get some really good advice soon from this post from some young moms.
    My sons are grown, 26,28,30 so I remember that there is much to do and it isn't easy when you are healthy.
    Is that a possibility that you would ask for help? Actually, I learned from my sister that there are alot of people who want to help, they just need to be asked.
    Can you have someone come in to clean once in a while? Or watch the kids while you take a nap, if they aren't napping?
    Keep checking this will get help soon!
  3. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Hows mary?? and Pa?

    (LOL ,.... I had too ask)

    Ok,.. I'm serious now :)
    Its VERY tough raising small ones with these illnesses!!
    Just do the best you can and don't push it.
    We pay tenfold.

    My children are 14 and 10 now.
    BUT,..I was DX 13 yrs ago
    when I had a baby,and then soon after got pregnant again.
    It was sooooooooo hard!! it still is, tho no wheres near like it was.
    I had days when I could'nt even lift my 12 lb baby out of his babyswing!
    I somehow I got thru it,..and you will too~ Enjoy them as much as you can.
    They really do grow up so fast.
    You certainly have your hands full!
  4. amfibromom

    amfibromom New Member

    I have two girls - ages 4 and 5. I certainly know where you are coming from. Although I have had mild symptoms for years now, they really did not get severe until after an emergency hysterectomy 3 years ago. I have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis as well. I was officially diagnosed in November with FM by my rheumy, but he also told me that I have had it for the entire 3 years that I have been seing him, but he never bothered to tell me until November. The majority of my girls' lives I have been sick in some way or another.

    The FM makes it very difficult to do the things we want to be able to do as sahms for our children and families. I am still trying to figure out better ways of getting things done. I feel behind and overwhelmed the majority of the time.

    One of the best things that I have found to work for myself is to take frequent rest breaks at whatever it is I am doing - whether cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Even if I don't feel tired, I find that if I don't take breaks, I wind up over doing it in the long run. I actually use my girl's "time out" timer sometimes to keep on track - I will set it for 20 or 30 minutes and I have that amount of time to do whatever it is that I am doing. When the timer goes off, I take a quick break 5 - 10 minutes depending on how strenuous the activity that I am doing, and I make myself sit down with my feet up for that amount of time. It seems to help by giving me enough recharge time that I don't completely tire out as quickly as I used to. I also manage to get more done than I did before because I am able to keep on track better this way.

    Don't get me wrong - on major fibro fog days - hardly anything works. Those days, I just don't try to push it so that I don't make things worse.

    I hope this helps some. I am interested to see what other responses you get back as well on this post - hopefully I will learn more as well!
  5. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    I have four kids ages5,7,10 and 12. Its hard with kids, especially the brainfog and not being able to focus. My youngest was 2 when I first got hurt and then led to diagnosis of FM. I felt like my youngest had to grow up awfully quick and that makes me sad. She will start school next fall which will be good for her. I spend the majority of my day resting for when they all get home from school. My youngest is very good and understands I can't do a lot of active playing with her. We'll read books, practice alphabet and things like that. When its naptime for me, I crash on the couch and she sits with me and watch's tv. Most of the time she'll catch a few winks herself. Its hard not having the energy to take them to the many activities kids do these days. They don't seem to be suffering for it and for the most part they are good with helping with jobs around the house. Yours are young and very much hands on right now, I know that is hard, but it will hopefully get less frustrating as they get older and can understand things better. You need to make sure and try to pace your activities, don't try to be supermom or you will be super worn out. Try to get some time for yourself also, its hard enough to do that with just young kids, but it needs to be a priority with this illness. If Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.

    God Bless
  6. stressed_out

    stressed_out New Member

    Well i also have twins age 3.5 and teenagers 13&16 it is very hard I feel for you.just hang in thier and do the best you can. its been very rough for me over the last couple of husbund had to take a leave of absent from work just to help me.I need him,but need the money to. i hope the very best for you.(GOD BLESS)
  7. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    I have a 5-year old and I also have ME/CFS. However, I'm not on disability, thankfully. It's definitely not easy even with one child, let alone three small ones! I can relate to needing to nap during the day. Many days that is the only thing that gets me through the day. On the days that I can't, I end up paying for it for the next several days. It's difficult, though, because I'm working and preparing to graduate nursing school. So, there is really no time for me to rest when I need to rest. I end up paying for it, as I am now with bronchitis.

  8. LeightonLAM

    LeightonLAM New Member

    I just bumped up a post about stay at home moms. i thought it might give you some helpful insight.
  9. LeftCoast

    LeftCoast New Member

    I am new to this board too. Actually to message boards alltogether. I am amazed by all the great advice. My boys are 8 and 12 now but when they were little it was incredibly difficult. It still is and some days are better than others. Making your house as safe as possible and putting locks(inside) on the doors to outside worked well for me. My youngest was always slipping out. napping is so hard to do when they are little but a must so I would put on the tv for mine and crash on the couch. This was a lifesaver for me.Preschool is a good choice if you can afford it but getting there and picking up is probably going to be difficult so a program where they stay longer is a good idea where you can get some rest. Grocery delivery is another helper. Unfortunately everything costs money and that isn't always available to everyone. For me just listening to other people in the same boat and hearing their stories and ideas inspires me. I struggle with two and wish I could have one more but I don't think I could do it. My hats go off to all of you. Motherhood is one of the greatest challenges and hardest job you'll ever have. P.S. Kids are capable of a lot more than we often think. Give them responsibilities
  10. katvwolf

    katvwolf New Member

    ages 2 and 8. They are the lights of my life! :)

    I think the key to caring for little munchkins when you have fibro is to pace yourself when it comes to cleaning and laundry. Do a little everyday, rather than a lot in one day. If you push yourself too much, you end up paying for it later. I put myself on a little schedule of what chores I do on each day, and I do two loads of laundry a day so that it doesn't become out of control.

    It isn't necessary to be supermom to be a wonderful mom. Your kids are going to remember the quality time you spent with them, not how many things at school you volunteered for. This being said, I omit anything that I don't feel is absolutely necessary out of the need to conserve energy for what is most important and essential, like spending quality time with my kids or helping with homework.


  11. Fransmom

    Fransmom New Member

    I have two girls, 3.5 and 5. I've been sick for about a year now, in the last few months much worse, probably with FM. I've finally begun to figure out that I need to pace myself, as others have said. Getting the girls ready for school and myself ready for work is really hard, but I do a couple of things that helps. First, I get up a bit earlier than I used to so that after each chore (shower, breakfast, making lunches) I can sit down - this helps a lot. I also have figured out that my youngest can do a lot more than I ever gave her credit for. She dresses herself and brushes her hair by herself - we make it a game - I sit with the girls and we play doggie (my three year old's current favorite). Her clothes are her fur, shoes are her tickles her and gets her dressed without my agony of putting on socks or tights.

    There are a lot of great ideas that people have to help. The best is to have a really supportive family, which many don't have. I am so lucky to have a husband who shares in chores, cooks (he always has!), and his favorite hobby is the same as mine - playing board games!

    Hugs to you

  12. lauraingalls

    lauraingalls New Member

    I will check that post about stay at home moms.

    My kids to go to preschool but unfortunatly they alternate- 5yr - afternoons and twins in the morning. but i does help.

    I guess I do need to try pacing. What is driving me batty right now is not being able to sleep well. I took a sleeping pill and have been awake since 3:00. I am typing this at 4:30am. I will go back to bed but will have to get up at 6:30 to get my kids going- or they are bothering me to get up.

    They are sweet kids. My symptoms started to appear after the birth of my twins. I think it all related to my adrenal hormones. I make so little and it is making it at night
    when it should be low ect..
  13. TinaJones

    TinaJones New Member

    I'm right there with you.... I have six boys that are 11, 10, 9, 7, 5 and 3. I am so blessed to have them but - caring for them while managing my illness is the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

    Wish I had more words of wisdom...but I'm trying to figure it all out, too :) But just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same boat!

    One other thing that is of interest to me is that MANY of us seemed to have gotten sick after the birth of a child. I got sick 10 weeks into my last pregnancy. Not sure what the "link" is...but, if I had more energy, it's something that I would research more.

    Take good care...Tina
  14. natesmommie1

    natesmommie1 New Member

    I have a specisl need son who will be 18yrs old,my boyfriend has an eight year old.

  15. applecrisp

    applecrisp New Member

    I always had quiet time after lunch everyday. I had my kids and I was babysitting to make money at home. During quiet time the kids watched a movie and I lay on the couch with my eyes closed. My eyes burned but the 1 hr rest helped me get thru the day. The kids got so used to it they knew it was quiet time after lunch. I think they liked it too.

    I also spent a lot of time playing with my daugther on the couch. We would draw pictures on each other backs and had the other guess what it was. I felt bad during these times because I didnt have the energy to take her to the park. However we were very close because of our time together on the couch. so I guess it wasnt such a bad thing.

    In summer I would set out bubbles, the little pool, a umbrella table with snacks and juice, and other toys for them. Then I would sit in my chair and watch them play for hours. Indoors I would have playdough, lego, coloring stuff, toys etc. then again sit and watch them play. Good to have lots of activities out and ready so they had lots to do so I didnt have to get up much.

    Clean up took a bit, but sometimes my husband would come home from work and help me out.

    Hope this helps a bit. I know how hard it is, and how guilty you feel for it. But as your kids get older they will begin to understand your illness.
  16. nev

    nev New Member

    but only 3 are small

    ages 2, 4 and 6

    2 yr old is in that get into everything, take clothes off, draw on the wall if a pen is left out stage-so that's fun
    speaking of my youngest, I need to find a lock for the fridge.

    4 yr old-the only boy-poor little guy-He's WILD, I can't hide things from him very well since he can scale the fridge and cabinets/closets in seconds. Every object is a sword or something. I know this sounds normal-but even the folks at church, with their own wild children/
    grandchildren, say he's a bit hard to deal with. I know he'll be alright, gotta keep focused on the goal, you know?
    The boy plain wears me out,I physically have to bring him to his room to calm down, which is EXHAUSTing.

    6 yr old not so bad

    My children are each blessings and I am thrilled to be able to be home with them. It is challenging with FM.
    I'm like you, I do my best to get a nap, that is what the best medicine is. Oh yes I do take meds to. Wish I had a doc that really could work with me to find that right combination for me.

    You're definately not alone in this. There's a bunch of people who understand right here.

  17. severina

    severina New Member

    I am 41 & I have a 4 year old boy. He goes to pre-school but in that time I try & catch up with chores. It is so hard, my hubby is very good, he does a lot of the housework, so I am lucky, but I just want to stop saying to my son "..dont climb on mommy, shes not well" - it makes me very sad.
    However, I know if I didnt have my son, I would be much worse and probably never get out of bed.
  18. monicaz49

    monicaz49 New Member

    i have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 MONTH old. Thank God for my mother as i am a single parent. Even holding my 25lb son is hard sometimes. The energy needed for him and an active lil boy is so hard.
    I want to enjoy this time when they are young....but hope as they get older it might help me a bit.
  19. hallie23

    hallie23 New Member

    i am new to this site, therapist suggested getting online and chatting. I have 1 son who will be 2 next month, caring for him on a daily basis is very hard with everything i am going thru -- hard to care for myself as well.
  20. horselover2

    horselover2 New Member

    hi i have a 3yr old and a 15yr old. it is very hard to do things around the house. i haven't been able to return to work since i had my youngest daughter, after which i became quite ill with fm & cfs.
    i try to do a little every day, i rest between doing things. my daughter goes to nursery school 3x's a week which is great. it is close and i luckily feel well enough to drive her. some days i rest while sh'es there, but usually i try to do some local errandas, so i don't have to do them with her which is exhuasting. when i push myself, and don't force myself to rest i defintely feel it.
    my husband helps with laundry, and i found someone who is pretty inexpensive, and he comes to clean my house every 2-3 wks. it is great, b/c i just can't do the good cleaning. without that my house would be really a mess. i wish he could come 2x's a week! i love when my house is clean!(which is not too often with a little one, uggh the toys all over)cleaning the floors and vaccuuming are too much for me.
    i try to order my big food shop online, to me it's worth the $5 delivery charge. i try to conserve my energy for better stuff.
    i have a storytime with my 3yr old, so she will sit and rest with me in bed. i also let her watch kid shows and dvd's, so i can get a break. if she naps, so do i.
    well, good luck. it is hard, just do your best. i know it does get overwhelming at times.
    hang in there-

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