Do We All Feel Too Guilty About Just About Everything?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by missourilady, Sep 18, 2006.

  1. missourilady

    missourilady New Member

    I know I do. I feel guilty because I don't feel like going places and doing things.

    But I think I am going to stop with that stuff. I don't have a good time because I am miserable. I can't walk very far if I am in a crowd so I end up taking a stop and dragging a leg. And my back is killing me.

    I am also really oversensitive to things I say to people - I always wonder if I have hurt their feelings. Then I find out later they don't even remember my saying anything. It is all a big waste of emotional energy.

    So why should I even try to go?

    I think I am going to try and deump the guilt stuff. It is such a waste of time and effort. And it makes me feel just awful about things.
  2. missourilady

    missourilady New Member

    Its all my mother's fault. I say that because I have to blame someone. And she was a guilt master.
  3. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    That's been my motto for my daughter (27 yrs. old): Always do what's best for you!! She's a people pleaser, and has a hard time focusing on herself.

    Great motto! I've lived by it all my live and it's worked for me so far!
    Mini
  4. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Hello Missourilady

    It's was a learning process for me big time also!! Years of feeling like a loser with this DD ! Finally I decided that the word No is a very powerful word! and also i realized finally that it's my job to take care of myself.............................................................And no one eles! and the frame of mind out in public is something like~~~~ Ok there's alot of people with Disabilities out here just like mine and i'm not thinking the worst of them!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I hope this helps! can you get a powerchair? You are a very special person or you wouldn't be worried about what everyone eles thinks!! Humility for me is still a huge thing!! so when i have to go out in public i try and make it a thing of getting done what i have to do and then ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Head for Home to relax! hope this Helps you!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hugs!,,,,,,,,Sydney
  5. shell

    shell New Member

    Hi I can't really help with guilt or worry, Haven't mastered ridding those yet... but just wanted to say HI cuz I see you are from KC and I am from KC also.. Waldo.. Don't know too many more people around town here with CFS or FM. Feel free to email me if you have any questions - I have been living and learning the past 4 years on all of this. [email address removed as per rules]
  6. MoonChild611

    MoonChild611 New Member

    The guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel guilty when I don't feel like doing certain things, even if it's something fun. Sometimes I doubt myself and my illness thinking that I might just be lazy and that I'm taking my illness way too seriously. I'm naturally a high energy person. So I'm still coping with what my limitations are. It's hard to deal with.
  7. missourilady

    missourilady New Member

    all of the time. I just want to stop it.

    I have a right to be - just like everyone else.
  8. missourilady

    missourilady New Member

    Maybe the river is what is causing all the problems? LOL
  9. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    is a wonderful thing. Even more wonderful when I do it.

    Best book on the subject that I know is "When I say No, I Feel Guilty"
    by Manuel Smith. It's an old book. Probably many more by now.

    A couple of my therapists explained that when one grows up in a dysfunctional home where children are abused, they feel guilty, insecure, worthless, etc. These feelings continue into adulthood.

    The situation can be greatly improved w/ therapy, books, etc. Dr. David Burns has a workbook on self-esteem.

    It didn't make me well, but it sure made me feel better.

  10. missourilady

    missourilady New Member

    Was doing pretty good until I woke up this morning having anxiety attacks.

    Sometimes I think this is hopeless.
  11. WendyStoopy

    WendyStoopy New Member

    I definitly think this illness has something to do with it. Our nervous systems are so oversensitized. We know that anxiety and depression go aling with this illness, for chemical reasons.
    Also, chicks are more likely to have guilt issues in my experience. I think it is a byproduct of our awesome nuturing abilities. Kinda an anticipation thing. When nuturing we try to anticipate another's needs, and when taking care if kids we try to anticipate any possible danger in order to protect them. This only has to run a little amuk to get anxiety.
    Wendy
  12. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Much as I know that it's not my fault that I have FM and epilepsy, I still feel guilty about some of the things I no longer do. My DH is happy to be at home and most of the things I used to do I did alone or with my girls when they were at home. Now I spend more time with DH!

    I haven't been to church is a couple years. I felt guilty for a long time, but know I can praise the Lord everywhere, and I do!

    My Mom is great for guilt. Every time she knows I am in a flare she says it is all her fault, that she must have passed this on to me (she didn't have it) along with my migraines (which she did have). So she probably passed this guilt thing on to me, too! With all the guilt she takes on you would think I wouldn't have any!!

    The sad thing is that we aren't really guilty of anything! We are just trying to live our lives and play with the cards we've been dealt.

    So let's all dump the guilt and know that all we can do is our best. That's OUR best, not someone elses idea of what our best should be!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean

    Stop and smell the puppies!
  13. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Oh, so you want me to say more?? OK.

    What is the saying, "You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you if you knew just how seldom they do"?

    Rocky made a good point as you did about many of us being raised to take the blame for things in our birth families. I think when we're feeling shaky aka CFS we fall back on old mental habits. I bet you felt guilty all your life, right? I did too. I'm gaining on it though and you can too.

    Marta
  14. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You said: "I implemented his program about 2 months ago as ,I realized if I don't start taking care of myself, I'm going to be bedridden in 5 years. It's helping--I'm not as sick and have fewer long flare-ups.

    You might also keep my mother's motto in mind 'I have to do what's best for me."

    Exactly right! I seem to be slowing but surely getting worse. The thing is, what often seems best for me is isolation and I'm not sure that's good.

    Which brings me to what Missourilady said about stopping people-pleasing. We can easily slide into too much isolation. It's all about balance and pacing with emphasis on what will best help us avoid stress. Like walking a tightrope and that's stressful! And it means being so very self-centered all the time which I dislike immensely.

    I've found myself saying "I don't care!" out loud a lot but I'm not sure that I mean it.

    Marta
  15. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    I just wanted to tell you hello...I am now in Osceola, Missouri used to live in KC...have kids and sister and family in Independence and a dear friend that must be near you she live by Antioch Shopping center also.

    Tami
  16. misskoji

    misskoji Member

    I know what you mean by guilt. You are a giver giver giver. It shows just how compassionate and wonderfull you are! What awesome qualities you have my dear. I think you need to utilize them different.

    I have been just as guilty of feeling guitly as you. Lately, I've been trying to just let go. You said it yourself, it's a waste of your precious energy. I don't like going places, seeing people, ect. It's too much for us. The emotional, physical, and cellular damage it does to us! It's overload.

    I can only say from a guilty standpoint, as I do cave, let go hun. Please focus on you. Your loved ones who support you.

    So much easier said than done, but just let go.....

    I'm so sorry if I'm not making my point clear. I was trying to be helpfull but now I'm trying to remember what I was originally going to say....

    Anyway, please be easy on yourself. You can't please everyone. You can't take on their burdens. You seem very sweet to me and I doubt that you say somethings offending.

    Hugs
    Deanna
  17. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    I read Dr. David Burns "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy". Is this the self esteem book you mentioned or did he publish another one?

    I really got a lot of good information from this book when I was in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It was recommended by my therapist.

    hugs Marion
  18. Doober

    Doober New Member

    Guilt is an emotional state that with all the physical states we deal with every day, we don't need the emotional state compounding on top of it. If you say the truth without hurtful statements about them or others, then you shouldn't worry about what you say. I have long ago, not allowed others guilt affect me or felt guilty about doing the right things in my life. This only allow others to somehow "control" certain aspects of my life or obtain things or get me to do certain things that I would not do for others. I have had people ask me how I could be "cold" at these times, and I have to explain that I am not, the fact of the matter is, you have to control your own life and sometimes controlling others around you means by "not" allowing them to control you by guilting you for any reason what so ever.
  19. MsE

    MsE New Member

    But it is really difficult. My major problem is feeling guilty (woops! regretful!) when I have to say "no" to family members. But sometimes it is a matter of survival. Then I start wondering if I'm just a wimpy old lady who could do more if she tried harder.