Do you ever blame yourself for this illness?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MoreBoo, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. MoreBoo

    MoreBoo New Member

    That is how I am feeling right now. My pain seems worse lately. I know I'm depressed, but don't know what to do about it. I have very supportive people in my life, but I feel that I am my own worst enemy. I'm blaming myself for everything right now...."this is your own fault...if you'd eat better, exercise more...have more positive thoughts...you'd feel better...you aren't even really sick...you are just making this up." blah, blah, blah.

    I think part of it is the weather - really cold in San Diego right now (again, oh poor baby, wah..wah) but at least the sun is out. I'm not used to being in a closed up house with the heater on. Mostly I need someone to talk to. I have two good friends, but I have no one to talk to about feeling like crap everyday. Both of these friends are very positive people, which I appreciate, but sometimes I feel like they don't know or understand how I feel.

    Anyone feel this way sometimes?
  2. kriket

    kriket New Member



    I have never blamed myself, although sometimes it seems very hard to deal with especially when your family and friends do not understand.

    I think mine came on from so much stress growing up and lack of support at times when I really needed it.

    My emotions were continuously manipulated and that's how I think mine all started. Hang in there. We are all here at the message board when you need someone to vent or talk to.

    Love
    Kriket
  3. no1buddybear

    no1buddybear New Member

    MoreBoo,

    Sometimes it is hard. And you really do just want someone to talk to. Even though friends/family have heard it all a hundred times before it can help just to have someone listen, or be with you, they don't have to try and "solve" the problems.

    Hugs & warmth going out to you!!
  4. wish_to_be_healthy

    wish_to_be_healthy New Member

    I know I have...I am in a nine month flare, annd trying to keep my chin up.

    I know it's really cold in So Cal...you all aren't used to it, and some of the houses out there aren't built for it...I know my old house in Redlands was that way till we renovated it.

    I have been going down hill since I moved back to MN from So Cal...I was looking to relo to No Co SD from the IE, but family stuff brought us back here...

    So I kind of blame myself for taking on other's crap, and making the choice to move back, thus making me sicker.

    (Even though I know intellectually, it was best for my boys, and my family, the marriage to come back here, at that particular time)

    So, I'm really debilitated, and I wish I was where you are...on a normal San Diego Day...not the weather you are experiencing now...

    Realize that just as the weather will pass, your feeling will shift...a lot are sensitve to weather changes...A lot of us are just sensitive, period.

    Hang in there,

    Suz
  5. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    Instead I tend to blame the environment, my bad genes, luck of the draw, etc.

    I know it's not my fault, as I lived a very healthy active lifestyle for 46 years before getting sick.

    It's just bad luck, I'm sure.
    Best of luck...
    MM
  6. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    But blaming yourself for something that was out of your control isn't going to help. You probably already know this since you thought about it enough to post the question right?? Anyway..I have, more than once, thought..maybe it IS all in my head...maybe if I eat better...lose weight...excercise more...socialize more...do more of anything...I would feel better.
    But, it isn't how it works.
    I will sometimes push myself...but I always pay the price..and am reminded, that I am sick. Like it or not...I am sick. And although I can do things that make my life better, there are things I MUST do to help myself because I have a chronic illness.
    Give your friends a call...try and make friends with people on the board...like minded people, with the same illness, helps us feel less alone, and more understood.
    I am one of the "lucky" ones..oddly enough, one of my best friends in the world got dx'd with fibro 2 years before I did! So we are each other's support system..and it makes all the difference in the world having some one who 'gets it' in my life!
  7. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    I first got sick 2 years ago during my 4th pregnancy. I blame myself as it was an unplanned pregnancy. I know ending it was not an option for me, as I could never live that down. If I had any idea what the future had to hold for me I may have reconsidered. My illness has been VERY unfair to my entire family. I, the one who always put everyone else first now has to be waited on. I also have a nanny & am still looking for a housekeeper. In the meantime my house is a complete DISASTER. I will always wonder if I had not had my fourth child if things would have faired out differently for me. Don't get me wrong, I love all my children to death, I think that's why I feel so guilty! Take Care Laura
    PS You want cold, just a few days ago the temp went down to -35, but has since warmed up, Thank God! My body felt like it was going to crack in half.
  8. Grace4today

    Grace4today New Member

    for sure, I tend to feel really guilty about a lot of things, but usually realize how unreasonable it is. Can't change the past (when I was young and felt invincible and abused my body terribly) - it does no good to listen to the 'voices' that say you are lazy... when you are in too much pain to move much...sometimes for me, even good nutrition (which I am adamant about) goes out the window when I am too exhausted to cook...and then I feel guilty about that. Have to get out of the "Shudda mindset" - you know..I should-a done this, should-a done that. Like unforgiveness, guilt and self reproach are like a poison that will eat you up from the inside-out...and cause even more health issues. As if we don't have enough to deal with already. =-) We live in a toxic world, which we can do little about. We don't have to live with toxic thoughts, though.

    For years I beat myself up because when my kids were little, my daughter never understood that I was sick (I was even having trouble with that concept), so she blamed me for not being able to do a lot of physical fun stuff with them. She felt that I just didn't want to, didn't care enough about them...etc. As she grew into her teenage years, we had an extremely volatile relationship, as she harboured all these bad feelings toward me. We literally went through hell with her and I blamed me and my illness for her unhappiness. It is only in the past couple of years (she's now 25) that she is beginning to understand, and our relationship is taking on a totally new flavour. Interestingly, I have a friend with MS who had a daughter who reacted the same way to her illness.

    There has also been guilt over financial loss/burdens. But, I can't change that either right now. I hate not being able to work, so regardless of how other people view it, I know I am not lazy, or self-centred, or self-absorbed or any of the other stuff that comes up. As I am just really being able to accept, I'm sick (okay, I said it)...no more trying to live in denial. I have been pushing myself beyond my limits, then paying for it - all to try to avoid the guilty feelings. It just isn't worth it. So, I am learning, finally, to accept my limits, without guilt or reproach, and hopefully, find some solutions to feeling better.

    abcanada:
    I don't mind the cold so much out there...at least it's a dry cold. when I moved back to Ont. it took me a couple of years to get used to the damp cold here. I still want to move to Arizona or something. Warm and dry...sounds like heaven.
  9. applecrisp

    applecrisp New Member

    I am very much filled with guilt. I dont know how I got this illness. I have suffered anxiety and panic forever not knowing that my pain was not from that but from Fibro.

    I question why I have this, and maybe if I tried harder, why can others be normal and I have to stuggle..I try not to be negative but its just so hard to get thru the day. Yes if you just get up and do things you wouldnt feel so bad. I want to go back to work but I'm so scared to commit to something not knowing how I'm going to feel...or is that just an excuse?

    I also live in Alberta and the weather is ccold. then warm. then ccold. Crap it hurts alot all this changing. Better yet my husband is from the territories and wants to take me there....yeah...

    I pray my kids Dont get my illness...I talk openly about it hoping they wont hate me for the way I am.

    My own pity party right now huh...
    It is real hard to just accept this as an illness because I LOOK like there is nothing wrong with me. errr
  10. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    outside of getting cmp from my moms side i was always a work horse and kept on going until i was bedridden for that i blame myself what makes me feel worse is i believe i have given it to my daughter she is already showing signs at 9 if i knew years ago what i know now i never would have had her i just dont want to see her suffer like me in the future charlene
  11. MoreBoo

    MoreBoo New Member

    It was really nice to read all of the notes of encouragement and positivity.

    After a few days of really feeling down, I realized that I had received a cortisone shot from my doctor a few days before for bursitis of the neck. I feel that this caused some acute depression - the shot helped that pain, but I will think twice about using cortisone again.

    However, these are issues that I continually deal with - like all of you. I am feeling much better now. I allowed myself to stay home and rest some more - that helped a lot and I have turned on the heat to our home. Something we rarely do in San Diego.

    This disease makes me reflect on the life I am living. I am continually examining how I can make my life more comfortable. I have a hard time accepting the limitations that this disease has put on me. And who ever started the rumor that this is not a progressive disease? I've had it for over ten years and it is so much worse now then when it first started.

    Thank you all for caring enough to reply to me. Moreboo