Do you Ever Feel Useless?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lilaclover30, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    Tonight I am in tears. It seems as if I am a lot. Since my illness began 5 yrs. ago, I have slowly made my hubby discusted and aggrevated with me.

    In the spring of "03, he took me to Mayo's for whatever ailed me. I found out nothing but hubby said we had gotten so much closer through all of it.

    A few weeks later I was dx'd with FMS. That was a breaking point as far as he was concerned.k Things did a turn about but I don't know why!!! We have terrible arguments - He says he doesn't know what happened and I don't either.

    I have cared for him for yrs. - heart attack in '71, 8 operawtionsd and a leg amputation and taking care of him and the woun d and running the family business for 6 mon., bypass surgery and a long recovery, trip after trip to ER and hoepital stays, 12 days in Nov., pacemaker/defibulator put in place in Feb. and 4 days in Mar. It has gone on and on.

    I do it all. But I irritate him over and over and he just said it is ME that does it. Critizee, nit-pick, b---h, more and more things I do.

    I feel as if I have outworn my welcome but at 76 and 82, what else is there? I just want love and shows of love but~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    So sorry for all of this but there is NO one else to talk to. Please forgive.

    You all are what keeps me going by standing by me and loving me as I love all you dear FMS friends.

    Gentle Hugs,

  2. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    Awwwwwwwww sweetie ... I am so sorry you feel so bad, I really don't know what to say to comfort you :-( . That is why I have a cat instead of a man ;-) ... lol. You have always been the "giver" and the one who nurtured and he never learned that fine art and lets face it ... at his age it is unlikely he will change. ((((( hugs )))))
  3. LindaH

    LindaH New Member

    Oh gosh,I sure wish I could give you a hug. You need someone to comfort you. I know you won't feel them but I am sending you lots of hugs. May you know peace and hold on tight.

  4. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I Also wish i could Be there to give you Hugs!! Maybe if you leave the room when the Negative remarks start comming your way,,, and just ignore it,,,,Maybe He will get the message ,,,,,slowly! You do not Have to subject yourself to such treatment!
    I'm someone who lived with a very Emotionaly Abusive and Alcholic ,Drug Addicted Husband for years and Finally found my way out,,,,,,,,,,,It was tough,,, But The peace of Mind is priceless!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I Will pray for you,,, and Hope that maybe something good will Happen for you My Dear!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hugs!,,,,Sydney
  5. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    is there any chance at all that he's having onset of Alzheimers?

    I used to work in a nursing home, and learned that sometimes when patients begin showing Alzheimers symptoms, one of the more noticable symptoms is a personality change -- usually becoming cranky, irritable, argumentative. Sometimes the sweetest senior citizens would become foul-mouthed and combative. And it was due to the disease.

    I'm not saying that this is the problem, but at his age there is the possibility of Alzheimers or some other medical condition causing this change in his behavior. It could also be caused by some recent medication change.

    It would probably be a good idea to get him in to the doctor for a checkup -- and to get a message (letter/call) to the doctor before the visit to explain the behavioral changes you've seen so they can be thoroughly investigated for a medical cause.

    I'm so sorry you're having to suffer through this. It certainly sounds so unfair after all the times you have supported and cared for him.

    Best wishes,

  6. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    Couldn't you just tell you husband to shut up his pie hole and pretend that he appreciates all that you do for him? I don't think that he is right in the head. I have heard that people who have been on life support during bypass surgery have what they call "pump head".

    You have heard the old term "misery loves company". He may be fairly miserable without one of his legs, and is trying to share his misery with you. That's bad :{ you don't need any do you? NO, of course not.

    Try and get you minister involved with this and see if he can help. You need lots of love, understanding and a big break from tending to hubby! Get a couple of them kids to come home and give you a couple of weeks of break time!

    Wishing for your heart to be filled with happiness and joy,

    Andy (with a big ole bear hug for you :} )
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    are probably too nice a person, but I would give him the go shopping treatment.

    Just go away for a day. When you come home and he starts yelling, tell him, "Sorry, Dear. Either you treat me nice or I'm going shopping every day."

  8. Engel

    Engel New Member

    good one ;-)