I am 63, gray, over weight, taking meds for nearly everything. I find nothing normal about my life, from going to sleep to going to the bathroom. I find myself in the recliner saying: what if I had chosen a different road 40 years ago? What if I had picked a different career, man, life? What if I had put my mother in her place when I was a teen instead of let her emotionally abuse me? I see "Dancing with the Stars" and I think, what if I had married the great dancer? I have two kids and wanted them desperately. But at times I have to be honest and wonder, what would the stress level of my life be without them and their families? I can picture lectures coming at me saying get a life. Do volunteer work, read a book, take a walk.... I barely get dressed by 11 am, the least small stress turns into additional pain, so I have all I can do to plan and execute dinner. The magazine I bought two weeks ago sits on the table next to my recliner. If I can't pick that up I surely can't focus on a book. Not sure why I am writing this.. maybe it is just a huge whine. Am I totally alone in my thinking "WHAT IF I HAD MADE DIFFERENT CHOICES???" Do I live my life in the past tense? Yes, I am sure I do as I can barely function in the present tense, and have no clue how I will feel in the future tense. Go ahead.... probably am over due for some lectures.