Doctor Jokes Lord knows we need to laugh at 'em

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by jaltair, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    The Doctor, who was known for his extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of patients.

    A little old lady almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

    A woman in the waiting room, who had seen all this, rushed up to the little old lady and said, “My God, It’s a miracle!, seen it with my own eyes. You walked in nearly bent in half and now you’re walking out of here, upright!

    What did the doctor do?”

    “He gave me a longer cane.”
    Let me tell you about my doctor. He is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.

    Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

    While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

    Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, “Doctor, doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film.” The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops.”

    One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.” The doctor asked, “When did it start? “The man replied, “When did what start?”

    I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: “Don’t answer it.”

    My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.” The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these. If they don’t work, give me a ring.”

    Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”

    When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

    You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.
  2. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Thanks for the laughs!!!

    Sounds like somebody's 'routine', like Rodney Dangerfield... I could see him and some of the other older comics saying these...


  3. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    OMG is that soooooooooooooo true about the last joke.
  4. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    Had a patient with a foley catheter in an ostomy opening in the stomach. We were trying to get the ostomy to close so we would use smaller and smaller caths.We had it taped so it wouldn't slip in the stomach. Well I went in the room and lo and behold it had slipped in the stomach. I rushed to call the doctor and all he said was:

    " that's ok it will all come out in the end."

    sure enough a couple days later there it was. lol
  5. victoria

    victoria New Member


    Well I hope it didn't hurt tho, really...
  6. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Glad everyone is enjoying the jokes - I love doctor jokes, and they are so easy and true!

    blueski31717 - that catheter story took the cake! Sure glad it didn't get stuck 1/2 way, can you imagine?

    That reminds me of a true story that an EMT told me. He was with his partner at a home and a person was actually stuck on the toilet with a tape worm 1/2 in and part trapped in the toilet trap. The person couldn't get off the toilet and the EMT's had to cut the worm to free him. Yes ... they swore it was true. Yikes!
  7. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    Jeanette I got visuals on that worm... uck!!

    Needed a laugh today.. Thanks Neighbor!!

  8. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Hi there ... glad to see from you!

    Warm hugs back,