Doctors and there embarassing questions

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by icare, Aug 21, 2005.

  1. icare

    icare New Member

    Doctors and there sexual questions.

    Maybe females are less offensive to Doctors sexual questions,but being a male species, i do get offended and i have to wonder why they need to ask this question.

    The question. "How is your sex life" do you and your partner still have sex?

    I have had almost every new Doctor ask me this and pretty well everytime it catches me off guard and i stumble over my words.
    It not that its a hard question to answer, its just i think its none of there business.

    After i talk for 35 mins and tell them in great detail about my mobility problems, chronic pain. weakness ect.THis is the question they come up with.

    This question makes me think.

    # 1. If i answer the question " Yes.

    Then i feel all my health problems that i have explained in detail, cannot be all that bad.In the Doctors mind,
    IF he can still have sex then the weakness and fatigue cannot be all that bad, he is exaggerating.

    #2. If i say NO..
    Then i must be really depressed,and i could see him writing out two prescriptions, one for anti-depressant and one for viagra.

    This question poses a no win situation in my mind.

    The Doctor never asks, if i can still go shopping, wash the car, or if i still injoy any hobbies.

    They know for the male species, when there sexual drive goes they must have one foot in the grave.

    Does anybody feel this way, or am i just reading to much into this.

    It just ticks me off to have one question dimenish everything that i have said previous to that.


  2. tell him good, and ask "how's yours" . Seriously it is frustrating when you think they aren't taking you seriously and listening to your problems.
  3. elsa

    elsa New Member

    Ya'll are forgetting some important things. Doctors ( or most of 'em anyway ...LOL) are not looking for jollies by asking about your sex life. Embarrassing .. you bet, but there is a method to their madness.

    Firstly, they want to know how your libido is. ( Not can you, but do you want to.) Many of us who are ill, chronically or not, have our libido effected. If this has been the case for a while, it gives the doctor a tool to gauge how badly you are feeling.

    Secondly, he can be looking for signs of circulatory problems. Let's face it ... men and women need healthy circulation to partake in sexual activity. If your sex life isn't what you'd like .... is it because of blood pressure, heart not pumping as it should, too much salt intake, water retention, respiratory systems, protate.....???

    Chronic pain causing things not to be as it should? See, by asking this question, you're doctor is looking for clues as to how to help you.

    Notice, that I just now made mention of depression. Yes, sex is a concern with depression, but there are a whole host of other physical ailments a doctor would be concerned about besides depression.

    I know it is embarrassing as all get out. But good doctors are investigators. Sexual relations are a piece of the whole health puzzle.

    I hope this helps you to feel better.


    P.S. Moderators .... I hope this is acceptable. I didn't discuss lurid details, but medical situations. If I offended, I apologize. Goal was to help fellow sufferer. E.

  4. neen85

    neen85 New Member

    I think it would have been beter if he would have asked about the S-E-X question along with questions about functioning in relation to daily iving activities also. I can see your point Rick,either reply would not have gotten your point across! Daneen
  5. allie42

    allie42 Guest

    Some pretty good answers here!

    I liked "Good. And yours?"

    And this last "Are you offering?"
  6. syrinx

    syrinx New Member

    About a year ago I went to the ER with an extremely badly sprained ankle. The nurse asked when my last period was. I said" if you think this has anything to do with my period or will affect my periods in the future I want a new nurse." She was the one embarrassed then and said it was just part of the standard questionaire and I said, "I hope you are smart enough to decide which questions are relivant." Didnt answer her and she didnt ask again.

    BTW - my ankle healed just find without her knowing that info.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/22/2005]
  7. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I think elsa provided a good answer. And ... when you come in with many problems, or a problem that has to be narrowed down to "what could this be", this question is a part of a list of standard questions to ask.

    The ability to sex affects many parts of your body: your circulatory system, heart, respiratory system, urologic system (prostrate), your emotional state (stress, depression), back issues, etc.

    The doc ask you, because, in all probability, YOU WON'T TELL HIM!!! The patient does not want to tell th doc, because it is embarrassing.

    Rest assured that the doc has heard everything!! No need to be embarrassed.

    On my annual visit to the GYN, that is always one question that is asked. But, after having 3 children and baring your most private parts to everybody and their brother in the exam rooms, delivery room, etc., women forget all modesty, and nothing is embarrassing anymore!!!

    P.S. My husband is 60 and has been having problems "too embarrasing" to go to the doctor about, attributes it all to getting older, etc.--I'm sure you know what I mean. I have begged him to go get it checked out with a Urologist and he will not go. I KNOW it is because he is embarrassed, even though he won't let on to me that's what it is. But then, in our 35 years of marriage, he has only gone to a doc 2 times!!! That was for a much-needed hernia repair!

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