Does anyone else feel like a failure ??

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by susabar, Jan 29, 2003.

  1. susabar

    susabar New Member

    perhaps this is part of the acceptance process but that is how I am feeling lately. I am really having a difficult time of it psychologically. ( I am seeing someone and on meds too ) Did you go through this when you were trying to come to terms with this illness ??

    Thanks
    Sue
  2. Lendi

    Lendi New Member

    I'm new to this too. And, yes I feel like I'm not only failing on my normal activities, but also failing my family. I feel so sad and useless. I hope it gets better with time and that I can accept that my life may not get back to normal. I'm trying so, so hard, but everything I try, well just fails.
  3. Rich333

    Rich333 New Member

    Had to let you know I have had those feelings for so many years. It's not just the big stuff. You feel like you fail at housework, at driving in traffic (scarey) and so many little tasks. I look around and see mountains of unfinished tasks at our house.

    But then I have to remind myself: You're sick you idiot. Of course things are going to go wrong. This is a huge disease you have and there are going to be big problems. I have found over the years that it's true what they all say: find something small you can do and try to feel good about that.

    Still it's painful to have that failure feeling. I get it a lot.

    Hang tough,

    Richard.
  4. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    I felt like that because it was such a drastic change in my life. I went from being a very tomboyish, active, athletic, hard-working person to a couch potato. I felt lousy, but got over it! You will too, when you finally realize you don't have any choice but to accept and make the best of it.

    Marilyn :)
  5. ohmyaching

    ohmyaching New Member

    one of the best things you can do is make peace with this illness. I'm not saying give up, just stop beating yourself over the head with it- such as placing expectations on yourself that you may not be able to fulfill at this time or having expectations about this illness other than knowing that God will do what is best. With all these expectations of course you're going to feel like a failure when things don't turn out like you expect. There are some things you just have to leave in God's hands. Stop trying to meet these expectations when you can't. Find peace within yourself by letting go of them.
  6. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    All the time. If I start to actually feel content with my life & like I am still an asset to my family all I have to do is talk to my step-mother in law, she will always tell me how poor we are, no ambition, (my hubby & I) and that I really do not have fibro, I just am lazy. That is always nice to hear.

    I also used to be an incredible over achiever at everything I did. Not now.

    I am working all the time right now at redecorating our bedroom and Scott is really complimentary and that is a great reward, I have been doing the Martha Stewart thing and turning junk into wonderful stuff so that is very rewarding and that is helping me so much to be accomplishing something every day, it keeps my mind of my damn fibro and keeps me busy, I listen to christian broadcasting network while I am doing it, a lot of painting involved and I do think the whole thing has been great therapy for me, I think the key to deal with this whole thing for me is to keep finding things that I CAN do and do them, I was just sitting around all the time whining about how bad I hurt & watching news, that was depressing. I still feel like sh** all the time, pain is worse than ever but I am learning to deal with it, it is very easy with this dd to get to feeling worthless, I fight that all the time.

    Jaci
  7. sybil

    sybil New Member

    it isn't my fault i have these conditions.
    as far as i'm concerned,it is medical science that is failing me,by not taking FMS/CFS seriously.

    i live in the u.k. and it amazes and angers me,that my government is more than willing to pour billions of pounds into a pointless war,that will solve nothing long term and may even make the threat of terrorism worse.but they won't spend money on medical research and our national health service which is at the point of collapse,

    sybilxxx
  8. Lanie

    Lanie New Member

    It takes awhile to resolve yourself that this is your life. It is hard to throw away all the goals and dreams you have for yourself, your life.

    What you have to do is make peace with your illness. I am not saying don't fight it, always look for ways to get better, but learn to live around this disease not the other way around.

    You have to make new goals and dreams, attainable ones. Do what you can and feel great about it. All the little accomplishments add up...
    Best wishes to you.
    Lanie
  9. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    When first diagnosed it definetly threw me for a "loop", but I learned after awhile how to cope..Since being diagnosed with the Fibro, I have been diagnosed with other autoimmune disorders which really make the fatigue worse..
    It still gets to me, but I try my best to not let it..
    You just go on, and make adjustments to your life and do the best you can..As long as you are trying, you are not a failure - besides it is not your fault you have FM..
    Please don't ever consider yourself a failure..
    Wishing you the best.....Take Care.........Donna
  10. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    it is hard to accept that your life is completely turned upside down. part of how we "accept" this disease can relate to our overall wellness. it is hard when you don't have any support, do you have some support. a friend who is understanding, maybe seeing a counselor(is he/she the right one?) family?

    everything i thought i would be doing at this stage in my life is gone. now i have to accept that i must have different goals. it is hard to give up on old dreams, but you can have new ones.

    the answer to your question was yes, unfortunately.

    warm regards,
    fibolady
  11. karen55

    karen55 New Member

    like I'm a failure, but I did go through a period when I felt guilty because I've been unable to do as much as I once could. I was always the one who hit the grounding running every morning, kept everything organized and running smoothly, could keep track of a dozen different things and spit out the answers at any given time, both at work and at home. It takes some adjustment and acceptance on your part when you are affected this way. The most important thing is to know it is NOT your fault. I agree with ohmyaching's reply. Feeling this way and putting unreasonable expectations on yourself is not going to help you any. I hope you continue to see someone about your feelings and you can get past this. Having this illness does NOT make you less of a person! {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

    Karen
  12. JP

    JP New Member

    I did not take the time to read the other posts...kind of in a hurry this morning and I hope I do not repeat what others say.

    Anyway, the whole failure thing is a pretty normal feeling in my book. I read your bio...you are an achiever and you will move through these feelings. You will have goals, dreams and passion again...they may look different than your mental pictures and you will come to terms with life on life's terms. This is no easy thing and your basic personality will shine through this illness.

    I was slammed all at once with a lot of medical information regarding my health and chronic conditions. I also have another chronic disease that I am avoiding the dx at this time...not much can be done and I am not in the place for hearing about one more positive lab right now.

    I have been all over the map emotionally and my level of confidence was gone. I have had to find peace with asking for help and giving help in new ways. You will feel better and it is an emotional roller coaster at times.

    I am unable to work in a traditional environment. I am working on developing a new career and have been able to reconnect with my passion in the midst of chronic pain and a body that I can no longer depend on.

    I guess the message here is that your feelings are part of this experience. Feelings are fluid, in a constant state of flux. They will move through you and transform into new feelings.

    Hang in there...Jan
  13. pookiebyrd

    pookiebyrd New Member

    I am used to keeping things together. Doing 4 things at once. This DD makes me not only feel like a failure but also guilty that maybe I don't do enough for my husband and kids anymore. It is so hard when they want help with their homework and i am in such a fog that i cannot concentrate enough to help them. I also used to love to go to school functions now I dread them and that really bothers me. I don't want my kids to grow up with a mom that is sick... I know everyone says that you eventually come to terms with the changes it makes in you life, but I am still working on it... stick with this board, there are alot of caring people, with a lot of knowledge and support....
  14. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I've always been that way. It's just my personality (what is it called...Type A?) I am a perfectionist and overachiever so anytime I can be the best (or think I am) I feel like a failure. It's a curse but in my case the DD has really helped me with it. With the FMS there is nothing I can do to make it better. Even with meds and all the other things I'm doing the pain never goes away completely. So now I have to deal with the fact that I can't control this. It's scary and I do feel like a huge failure some days.....just not as often as I used to.

    Annette
  15. darlamk

    darlamk New Member

    Hi Sue, I've re read your last few posts and I can just feel your frustration and your sense of loss and grieving. You have had a lot to deal with the past few months and maybe you need to give yourself a chance to absorb it all and to grieve your loss of wellness, ability to work as much, etc. When I was first dx about 13 years ago I had already cut down to part time (RN @ hospital) and took an office type job due to failing health problems before the dx of FM. Through the years I kept "fighting" to stay as busy as ever with work and kids stuff at school, church, community involvement, etc. I was sick a lot, had bad attendance problems in work evaluations, and had to get a cleaning lady to keep up at home. I really felt burned out towards the end. I did know in my heart I was a good nurse and received a lot of pleasure from my career and feel that I made a difference in my patient's lives. I also had some good support from co workers. I never talked much about my health but seems like I was always having some kind of surgery or was in a cast or on crutches alot.I am greatful for my supportive family but I honestly think my kids are numb to my demise because I have always had something wrong with me for as long as they can remember.I have not worked for 2 years now due to increasing problems with ortho issues, neck injury as well as FM and just recently was awarded SS Disabilty. As I look back on my past decisions I regret that I did not try to take a more aggressive approach to wellness. I just buried my pain & fatigue with work and family and eventually got to a point where I could no longer give anymore. I wish I would have taken time for me - I should have been more diligent with exercise to stay healthier, been more aware of the best nutrition for my disease and I should have rested a whole lot more! Now I am 50 lbs overweight, home bound and I don't have a social life - or the energy to have one! (I found most of my friendships were at work)But this is where I am right now & I am focusing on getting better. I recently ordered a book called The Path - it's a Christian approach to finding out what your life mission is all about - kind of like a work book for writing your own mission statement. I always thought it was to be a good mom, wife and to care for others with my nursing but for now I am just searching.Best wishes to you in your quest. I hope the self centered nasty people at your work back off - (they must be miserable themselves to be so negative to you!)Take care.
    Sincerely,
    Darla
    [This Message was Edited on 01/30/2003]
  16. Dara

    Dara New Member

    you are definitely not alone when it comes to having problems accepting this disability. I was seeing a therapist who works with only Fibromyalgia patients. She recommended a book to me, "A Delicate Balance", Living Successfully with Chronic Illness. The author is Susan Milstrey Wells. What I have read so far in the book, has been very helpful. Although, I still get very down and depressed and feel rather "useless". I have always been an over achiever and have worked since I was 17. I have been off on disability since November 2001 and any energy I have seems to be spent trying to receive my disability benefits, so far no luck. Anyway, you might want to take a look at this book and see if you think it's worthwhile buying. I'm sure it's on Amazon.com, I think I bought mine at either Borders or Barnes & Noble.

    Dara
  17. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    But the feelings come and go. You go in and out of these
    different stages of grieving over the lose of our health and our lives before fm. I try to concentrate on the things I can do and that helps a lot. One thing you could try is to make a list of all the things you can still do. It makes you realize we still have much in our lives we can still enjoy inspite of fm.

    Hugs,
    Sandyz
  18. lunabella

    lunabella New Member

    ALL THE TIME....!!
    i'm not up to par with my work, i always feel like i'm dragging myself around, neither hard work NOR rest gives me energy-- NOR does eating (and i've been careful to eat really healthy recently... but niether doing that NOR eating coffee & sugar makes any diff!) so not living up to my potential, going above & beyond, makes one have a hard time making as much money as one could. very frustrating, feeling like i'm trapped in a old body that is sore and seizing up.
    and then there's the issue of my beloved bf... last time we tried to make some romance, he lost interest, saying it was like "trying to warm up grandma"...... *sigh* (THANKS for the confidence booster!!)
    then there's the lack of energy to finish anything i start, follow thru on commitments, (at least in a timely manner), follow through with social engagements (usually don't or don't even commit to begin with), keep my environment orderly on a continual basis...
    so in short, YES i feel like a failure!! this condition is like a vicious circle-- it causes depression, which makes you feel even worse (physically).... where does it end?
  19. Beth37

    Beth37 New Member

    I am glad to know,I am not alone on this subject either.I have been feeling pretty useless,myself.I am trying to get SSI disability,I am now waiting on the hearing.I have a lawyer and I am just hoping he can win this fight for me.I am scared to go in front of a judge and plead for my disability,makes me feel pretty low.I hate to see so many others with these invisible diseases,but it's nice to know we're not alone.(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Everyone!! Beth