does anyone ever think that they are just lazy???

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hubby, Sep 18, 2005.

  1. hubby

    hubby New Member

    There are times that I feel that a am so conditioned to be ill and climb back in bed again that I am just getting lazy, which I never had a bone in my body that was that way. I guess it is just another guilt trip I lay on myself.

    I think that my husband thinks it sometimes though he is my life support and so sweet that he couldn't,l though only human and has to think it at times. Maybe it is that I just don't push myself like I used to even when I felt good. I couldn't get that through my head before, so suffered continually for it.

    I now know that know about it all, but don't get me wrong I still over do when I feel good, but not as bad. I told my husband the only way I got better last year when I left him was stay in bed for 2 months solid. I got the siatica out of my leg and finally back in my back, so it is more controllable.

    My husband is an oc and thank God he done so much up here, but also hurt his back doing it so fast with no help, as he would not let me help.
    He is finally understanding the pain I have been in. He said at the beginning of his back problems there was no way he could suffer two years with this, and guess what it has been a year.

    I had constant back pain since I was a child. I just thought all was normal tha everyone had it.

    I just feel so guilty at times, I think I must be lazy, as right now, the flare pain has eased for today at least, I have been in bed for so long, but now it is the CFS as I can barely stay up long enough to make a short dinner and don't even do that at times. I have resumed the grocery shopping to a degree, though my husband goes with me. He has just bought a new van for me, so that when we go on trips we can make a bed in the back for me to lay down and rest. I thought that was the ultimate.

    So yes I guess I am saying there is now proof enough and research enough to prove that I have fibro, but I feel so lazy too, but then we are retired now, so I am entitled to do as little or as much as I want, just as my husband does. It just is killiing me loosing a whole year to this after arriving here, and right now with all the things in my lie I am dealing with I jave not been able to be hospitable or attend mnay functions, or golf, paint, I finally can read again, though need eyes checked again, and my front tooth replaces. My father in law knocked it out when he beat me up in May another thread about all that, no way can I possibly go through that again. m Having a lot of problems with it though so going to therapy.

    gentle hugs and kisses
    Hubby
  2. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I remember what an active, working life I had before I became incapacitated by this illness all too well.

    I have CFS and Fibro too and many flares that put me in bed for weeks and my husband does mostly everything around the house now, cleaning, cooking, taking care of me.

    I dont have a social life, my life is in the home but I do try to be upbeat about it as much as I can.

    You say you have retired and that your father in law beat you up - you have to stay away from him.

    It's hard coming to terms with this illness, it took me a whole year when I had to give up my job, anger, frustration, sadness, the whole bereavement process.

    If you cant make it to the grocery store then I dont see why you have to lie down on a mattress at the back of your van, can your husband not do the shopping when you are not able.

    No, I dont think you're lazy and neither should you, I do think you are getting a bit of a raw deal with support.

    love
    Rosie
  3. KJ2003

    KJ2003 New Member

    I begin my day at 5:00AM, take my husband to work (we live a mile from work) at 6AM, come back and get ready for work and arrive at the station at 7:00AM. I handle promotions, production and my show. My work day ends between 2PM and 3PM, unless I have a remote like I do this Thursday from 4PM-6PM.

    I go home and clean up whatever needs to be cleaned, which usually consists of picking up stuff in the living room, fluffing out the couch pillows and doing a load of dishes.

    I pick my husband up at 4PM, make dinner around 5 or 6PM and usually play cards or watch TV till bedtime.

    Yet, there are times when I think I am lazy. I am highly critical of myself. I'm not as bad as I used to be but I push constantly and still feel like its not enough.

    I think this answer depends on the person and I think you'll get a lot of diverse answers. I don't think the answer lies in what we do or don't do but how we are set in our minds. This makes all the difference.

    Chin up,

    Kim
  4. aquabugs

    aquabugs New Member

    I have an autoimmune disorder I've been dealing with for 4 yrs and horrible fatigue for the past 1.5 yrs. Just this summer I was diagnosed with FMS and CFS. I have been pushing myself to keep working for the past 2 yrs and just this month FINALLY admitted I can't keep going and asked for ST disability.

    I am constantly question myself about whether I am REALLY feeling as bad as I think I am. I keep wondering if I just pushed a bit harder if I could keep on going. But the sad fact is...I can't. I have pushed myself to the point I cannot do it anymore. But I feel guilty and wonder if I am not just being lazy.

    I suppose acceptance comes in time, eh?

    Take care
    Sylvia
  5. BLUEROSE7

    BLUEROSE7 New Member

    I was going to add something, but to be honest Vilke said it all for me, and said it very well...

    Thanks Vilke..

    Hugs
    Bluerose
  6. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    i feel the same that i am lazy, now it is so hard to watch someone, (my boys), doing most every thing, when i have a good day i do over do it. but things need to be fixed, and i know how to do it, and don't want to wait for the guys. i do it and pay later, but i went from a single working mom, one that also, hung dry wall, light plumbing, and other various jobs. to barely doing any thing, and boy can i lay a guilt trip on myself, about being lazy, but i know that i am not, and my kids will say so too
    becca
  7. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    Most of the time, I know I'm not lazy (CFS/FM), but I feel obligated to jam my "well" time with chores. Sometimes I have to remind myself, it's okay to spend a little time on your self. It's okay to just go out for enjoyment once in a while.

    I can go weeks and weeks between self-pedicures and manicures just because I believe that every free "well" moment must be filled with a chore.

    Sometimes so I'm emotionally exhausted from all of the stress, that even when my body has a little energy, my mind just cannot deal with doing *anything*. Then I'm flat on my back until I cheer myself up, sometimes with a positive message book or movie.

    My family thinks I'm lazy. My mother pounded this message into our heads over and over throughout our childhood. That led to me leading a life of trying to please, working unfair overtime, etc., etc. No matter how hard I work, I always hear my mother calling me lazy in the back of my head.

    I don't date at all. If I did, much of my family would turn on me. (How could I have the energy to date if I don't have the energy to (fill in the blank)?) I'm a single mother. I have next to no emotional support, so I'm going through this virtually alone.
  8. abbylee

    abbylee New Member

    But then I realized that when I feel good, I can't do enough fast enough. I buzz around the house cleaning, washing clothes, cooking, even cut the grass and washed the car one day.

    If I were lazy, I don't think I'd ever want to do anything but lie around all of the time. That is not the case with me.

    Also, if I were lazy I'd probably be lazy until something fun came along to do. Then, I'd probably make a miraculous recovery and do the fun thing. Not the case with me. I've had to cancel so many things so many times that I knew would be fun that I've come to realize that the definition of lazy is something else. It's not me.


    abbylee
  9. orachel

    orachel New Member

    Except that for me I've only been dealing with it for 3 mos, not 11 years (sending Vilke hugs right now...that has to be rough!!!). I think from my own feelings and tons of research both current info on our conditions, and I've also checked out some of the "thinking" of the day about it 10,15 + years ago....Did you know they used to call CFS the "Yuppie Flu"? Docs jusk kinda thought since nothing popped up on their tests that "yuppies" were getting depressed and fed up with their go, go, go! lifestyle that they just unconsciously (or consciously!) decided to be LAZY for the rest of their lives! OOH...just reading that while typing gets my blood boiling! lol

    But, as research advances, and there are so many AMAZING and INTERESTING studies (though not nearly enough!) going on right now into our condition. If you want to really look into it, there's an organization called AFSA (I think!...will check it for you later if that doesn't work) who publishes the current studies/future plans/and recent results along with some incredible facts and figures! They have a great easy to use site, and info varies from very medically detailed (I try, but don't understand all of it yet!) to the very simple easy to understand. Prohealth also offers (for free!) a brochure that is some of the best, most compelling, compassionate, and concise info about CFS and FM I've ever seen. Go to their site...right around here somewhere, i think...and just fill out the "ask for free information" link thingie. I literally have started CARRYING this brochure around with me everywhere, and when I start to have those "doubts" i pull it out and make myself feel validated again!!!
    Also, its great to have when some uninformed person says something insulting about our issues...and sometimes I just don't have the energy to explain all the info to them personally...so I show them brochure. I've seen peoples whole ideas change just from reading that great brochure (and its only like 4 small pages!)...and its totally free!!!

    Finally, based on your info....I think you might possibly be concerned with something called "deconditioning" which some of us can go thru...totally different than laziness!!! perhaps do a tiny bit of research. I was worried my body was becoming "hysically" lazier because I hurt so dang bad even with all the strength I had, I couldn't do much physically...and if I did..I paid for it later! I started a theraphy program called "aquatic physical therapy" which lasts for me only abt 15 mis of the mildest exercises...but at least I know I'm keeping my muscles moving grooving a tiny bit....The old adage that "if you don't use it, you lose it" can occasionally be true in my opinion...at least physically. And I can't "use it" (body) a whole lot at all, but I try to do what I can to stay as strong as possible. Plus, its fun and great for pain!

    Hang in there, hubby...after your last post I thought about you for days, sending you positive feelings and gentle hugs thru into the world.

    Rachel
    [This Message was Edited on 09/19/2005]
  10. KJ2003

    KJ2003 New Member

    Thank you so much for your answer. It really helped me to see things differntly.

    You hit the hammer on the nail when you said that on good days, you couldn't do enough...but then pay for it later. This is EXACTLY what I go through and your answer put a rational spin on the scenario.

    Thank you so much for helping me see things from a different perspective. I'm going to be better to myself and be careful with the stern thoughts that roll around in my mind from now on.

    Blessings to you :)

    Chin up,

    Kim
  11. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I know in my head what's going on...I have clinical depression, ongoing and semi-controlled, an anxiety disorder, FM. OA, Hypothyroidism, and a host of other little complaints. I know in my head that I can no longer be the person I once was, that I must now be this person who is not acting like my type A+ personality...

    I was a person who worked through any hardship, made lemonade out of rotten lemons at times, worked myself into a breakdown, complete physical and emotional, eight years ago. My body had enough and rebelled.

    But, I struggle with the fact of not being able to be that person, that people think I'm lazy, that I really could do it if I just got up and got going. And I've tried that...and you all know what happens. (-:

    It is irrational, I know, but at least after all this time, I can say that I know it's irrational and just ride it out. I have learned how to say no, how not to get involved in things that will cause me more stress, how to accomplish what I can when I can. It has forced me to look at the priorities in my life: people, especially our families: elderly parents, children, siblings, grandchildren, and on and on. Also, I must think of my husband...he has plans and dreams which are exciting and whatever I can do to help, I do. He doesn't expect much from me at all and is not as hard on me as I am.

    So, I guess that's where it is. I'm where I am and it is the hardest thing I've had to accept in my life up 'til now. I can't do everything and I can't make everything OK by myself. It doesn't matter that my thinking before was DELUSIONAL! (-:

    Don't know if this helps, but this is where I am now. One day at a time and sometimes even less time than that. Life does have it's twists and turns. I'm am thankful for my faith...without it, I would be a real basket case.

    Sue

  12. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    ...when my ex beat me down emotionally because he wanted me to think I was lazy. But since RSD/CRPS and FM are such debilitating diseases I am definately not lazy. I so much miss the things I used to be able to do. I have learned to stay away from people who negate me. It's hard enough to try and stay positive and we need good vibes around us or we're sunk. I have to sit sit down often during the day when I'm trying to get a chore done. It takes forever with chronic pain. It's sad, frustrating and maybe at times pathetic but it's never lazy. I look at us (people with chronic pain and exhaustion) as survivors. No one works as hard as we do to just get up in the morning and make it through the day. I'm proud of us.
  13. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    .. I quickly read most of these posts and found myself nodding in agreement on the " do as much as I possibly can, while I feel like I can DO IT !" .. I too wondered if I was just letting myself feel 'dead inside" .. but the rare moments I feel like my old self are almost shocking now .. and I have to admit almost depressing because I can't stay that way very long and I know I will have to pay for what I do accomplish during the good time as well.
    I mentioned I was an army wife ( Canadian Forces ).. we moved pillar to post every 3 to 4 years all across Canada and a European move to the Netherlands .. most of the time my husband was away for months on end and I dealt with it ALL .. a lazy person would not survive what I accomplished during those times .. they just would not survive the lifestyle in any case .. when we finally came back to Canada amidst my husband taking a medical retirement with PTSD from Gulf '91 and serious health issues .. our son hating us for having to leave Holland .. my working 3 different jobs till I settled on one .. I kept going till I couldn't any more .. I thought that I might as well be dead the way I felt .. but something just keeps you going .. things lighten up a bit .. you laugh a bit .. you think , well maybe I'll stick this out a little longer .. and you do.
    So .. the lazy question .. only those who truly are, would try to pin that on people like us, by way of their own insecurities .. so a BIG FAT RASPBERRY TO THEM !
    [This Message was Edited on 09/21/2005]
  14. Frustratedandtired

    Frustratedandtired New Member

    I have been feeling lazy lately because I learned that I just can't do what I used to do anymore and I acted on it by letting the kids and my husband help out more. But reading some of the other replies here has helped me realize that I am superwoman! I get up at 5:30, take the dogs out and feed them, make coffee, prepare lunches, and get myself ready for work all before 7 a.m.! Then I commute 40 minutes (thank God my husband drives) and work a full time job until 4:30. Commute back 40 minutes, usually make supper and do at least one load of clothes, usually two. Not to mention any other errands I have to run, etc. I am worn out at the end of the day. I still look around the house and see the cobwebs and dust and wish my house looked as clean as everyone else's seems to.......