Does Anyone Have Experience With Antagonistic Rheumatologist?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hippo, Mar 7, 2003.

  1. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Hi, I don't post too often, but as some of you may know, I am in the middle of the divorce from hell. The worst aspect of the divorce is that my Crazy Ex is claiming that I can work full-time, even though I have been sick for 20 years, have not worked full-time in 20 years, and am in my fifties and still have young children. His latest move is to pay $750 in advance to a rheumatologist to review my medical records and evaluate me in person. I am assuming that this guy is being paid to say I can work, even if I show up in a box from the undertaker's. So his evaluation is not going to be fair. Does anyone have experience with this type of situation, or have any advice on how to handle my appointment with him? Thank you in advance.

    Hippo
  2. LeLeHpr

    LeLeHpr New Member

    He really does deserve the BIG BUT! I would counteract with your own medical files and report from your doc/rhuemy if you have one..Sorry I could not be more help.
  3. mellow

    mellow New Member

    I would have thought your medical records were confidential and that what your ex is doing is illegal. I would also question the ethics of the rheumatologist on releasing any information without your consent. There is the question of doctor/patient confidentiality. If you have an attorney I would speak to them about this issue. Hope things work out for you. Mellow
  4. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I signed an authorization for release of my medical records. It stands to reason that if I am claiming to be disabled, I have to be prepared to show my medical proof. Same thing with the rheumatologist my Ex is sending me to. I am sure he will ask me to sign a paper allowing him to release the info to my Ex and his lawyer. My major concern is that he is being pre-paid $750 and already has his mind made up.

    Hippo
  5. nitalynn

    nitalynn New Member

    the one thing I know is you better take someone in with you.
  6. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I don't really have anyone to ask, and now I am even more worried. Is it because he will be nicer if there is a witness?

    Hippo
  7. JannyW

    JannyW New Member

    Hippo,
    I think I'd take someone as a witness, someone who's not terribly involved but would testify on your behalf should it come to that (a neighbor, maybe?).

    As to your husband paying someone to review your records, I couldn't say for sure if that's legal. Even if he is your husband, your medical records are not his property. I had to have a notarized statement for my doctor to allow my partner to even call for appointments for me. I also wonder if he can force you to see this doctor without a court order. Ask an attorney, just to be sure.

    Jan ^v^
    [This Message was Edited on 03/08/2003]
  8. RedB

    RedB New Member

    Any judge who would say that a 50+ woman with 3 children as young as yours still at home should be working full-time is a jerk. It shouldn't make any difference whether you are sick or not! Hopefully, you'll get one with half a brain.

    I'm not sure whether I agree that you should take someone in with you or not. The only two times I did that, it seemed as if the doc was uncomfortable with it. It could make matters worse. Use your best judgment.

    Please let us know how this all turns out. I wish you well, and good riddance to bad rubbish!

    Kathy
  9. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Speaking as a divorced woman I would advise you to check this out with your attorney before doing anything. I don't think there is any way he can do what he's trying to do. He can't force you to go. If he has prepaid, that's his loss. I also can't imagine it costing $750. Sounds a bit high to me.

    I learned that when things sounded fishy I should always check with my attorney. It's what I advise my friends who are going through divorce also, and other divorced people always back me up.

    Good luck.

    Barbara
  10. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I should clarify. My attorney wrote to his attorney, "Mrs. Hippo is unable to work due to her illness. Mrs. Hippo will submit to a vocational exam and/or a medical exam to substantiate this." If you are sick, you have to allow them to examine your records and evaluate you. If I refuse to let them see my medical records, then it looks like I am hiding something. I am hiding NOTHING. I have been sick for 20 years and all of my medical records support that. No judge is going to give me the time of day if I am not co-operative.

    Also, another clarification: My Ex actually said he would be willing to support me until our youngest is 18, but THEN I had to go back to work. I will actually be almost 60 when my nine-year-old twins turn 18. How 'bout them apples?

    Hippo
  11. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I think your hubby is living in la-la land! There is no way this is going to go in his favor. If you submit your own medical records they will back that up. It sounds like you hubby is like my ex. He wanted out, but he didn't want to pay me support for the rest of my life.

    I fell for that and worked out a deal where he paid me more until my youngest was out of college. I didn't have a clue that the reason I felt so lousy at the time was from CFS and FMS. if I had I would have never gone for it.

    Well, she's a junior in college now and I have less than a year left on my alimony payments. I am unable to work at my former job and can work very part-time at my business, but it's not always easy!

    Don't get suckered into having to go back to work when you are 60. Unless there is a cure by then your health will not be improved and working will be even more difficult, to say nothing about reentering the work force at age 60.

    Sounds like you have no choice but to grin and bear this exam. Be sure you go in looking terrible and it doesn't hurt to push yourself for several days in advance so you feel terrible, too! A few tricks I have learned in my quest for SSDI.

    Good luck.

    Barbara
  12. Lendi

    Lendi New Member

    You might need to allow your medical records and a new exam for court. But, I would negotiate an un-biased rheumy. One that neither you nor your soon to be ex chose. Have the courts appoint one that is impartial. If your ex refuses, it will look bad on him, but you are willing to cooperate and have a new evaluation. Win-win solution :) I would not go to a Dr. that was chosen and pre-paid by someone who was trying to make a case against me. No way! Good luck to you and keep us posted. Lendi
  13. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    You're right--I have the advantage of already knowing what is wrong with me. I have been sick for 20 years and am not getting better. I can't afford to settle for a small amount and then have nothing when I'm 60. The knowledge definitely helps. I probably won't sleep the night before the exam, so I will look like I was hit by a truck when I go in! Thanks for the suggestion!

    Hippo
  14. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    Question: why does he get to chose the Rheum????

    It seems to me the best and ONLY way to go is an agreement on a third Rheum who is un-biased to both of you. How can he argue THAT if he is ONLY seeking the "truth?"

    For him to contact his own rheum...someone he has offered money too and discussed the personal situation with...seems very unethical to me.

    Since he is the one questioning your Rheums competency, you have every right to question the one he choses!

    BTW:Those records are not open to anyone who requests them.
    Just because you signed a waiver...you still have the right to pick and choose who is allowed to see them. The waiver should state, by you, exactly WHO is allowed to see them.

    I would NOT let your husband get his hands on those records...there might be info buried in there somewhere that he could decide to use against you in the
    divorce (like the use of pain meds, compatency with kids...ect. He could twist the words and meanings if he is as mean as you say!)

    Just my humble opinion.
    Don't let him "Bullie" you!!!

    Susan
    [This Message was Edited on 03/08/2003]
  15. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Thanks for the good points! Luckily, I don't use prescription pain meds--only Tylenol. I don't think any judge is going to get his shorts in a knot over Tylenol.

    Also, my Ex doesn't WANT the kids. My twins have psychiatric disorders, and half the reason Ex left me is BECAUSE of the kids. He can't stand being around them for too long. He wants to be the carefree bachelor, and you can't be a carefree bachelor with two emotionally-disturbed children in your house.

    Hippo
  16. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    I would just have them use my own rheumies notes. He doesn't have any right to make you go to a doctor HE chooses. It still is a free country....last I checked. Good luck. dolsgirl
  17. sugar_crystal

    sugar_crystal New Member

    Hello, love,

    I live in Texas. In this state, you can record a conversation with only one party knowing about it. That means that you are one of the two parties.

    I would go in with a small microcassette recorder in my pocket. If the cards are stacked as one-sided as this, the rheumatologist may tell you one thing and record in the record something entirely different. I have had this happen and so has several friends with multiple doctors.

    If your state requires both parties to have knowledge of the recording, then politely ask the doctor if he minds you recording the conversation. If he says yes, he minds, then you will have a clue where you stand. If a doctor is truely going to be objective, then he has nothing to fear.

    My cardiologist and internal medicine doctors both record their notes in the examining room in front of me for the transcriptionist to record so that I know without have to get a copy of the record what is in it. When I have gotten copies, it has always been exactly what was said. My psychiatrist, for obvious reasons, does not record our conversation, but he has many times let me read what he has written.

    I am a nurse and worked for over 30 years. I can't now (not in a job that pays as well and not full-time) so it has never been a question. I am 54 and am lucky to have a husband that has been with me 31 years and knows exactly what has happened and I thank God every day for that. Unfortunately that also means he is overseas with the military now instead of retiring as he would like.

    The stress of that is overwhelming but I have the knowledge of his love and moral as well as financial support. But I have been a witness to the atrocities that one spouse can afflict on another, whether emotional or physical and I feel deeply saddened for your situation.

    But stand by your guns and let them all know that you will not be run roughshod over. If this doctor has any integrity at all, he will not refuse. But check the laws in your state. You may be able to record with your knowledge only.

    LOL,
    Crystal
  18. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I live in California. Interesting suggestion about the taping. I don't know the answer, but will ask my attorney when I call her on Monday. You can bet I am going to clear up all issues with her before I take another step.

    Hippo
  19. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    That was an AMAZING story! I too was naive and thought my Ex would look out for our best interests. It is going to take me years to even comprehend the magnitude of this betrayal. I would love to hear more of your story. In California, we have a law called Equalization of Living Standards which supposedly prevents one spouse (usually the husband) from taking off in a Jaguar (as you mentioned) and leaving the wife with very little. Are you completely disabled also? I wasn't able to get SSDI, but that doesn't mean I'm not disabled. Also I am looking into the extension of child support, as you mentioned. Good thought. I will check out ADA tomorrow. Hope you post again, that was really, really interesting.

    Hippo
  20. sugar_crystal

    sugar_crystal New Member

    Dear Hippo,

    What Lifedancer says is great. I haven't tried to be declared disabled yet, so I don't know much about the ADA laws. I worked for lawyers and I haven't found one I would trust. Actually, I don't many doctors I trust, either. But at least you've got some options. Your main option is that it's YOUR life and you need to maintain control over it.

    What I said about the atrocities people can inflict on one another is truly unbelievable. And psychological torture is the worst...and that's all this is. Actually substitute the word "terrorism" in there and you can see where your EX stands. If he can terrorize you into playing the game his way then he has won. There's an old saying, "don't let the b.....ds win".

    You go girl....lol,
    Crystal