Does Anyone Know About This?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by louiesgirl2, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. louiesgirl2

    louiesgirl2 New Member

    I was speaking with a shrink for different reasons and he told me that in his experience patients diagnosed with FM may have been at one time in their past abused either verbally, sexually or other physical abuse.

    I have never heard of that however 2 out of three are me. No sexual abuse, however, my dad was good at verbal and physical. If I was a child in today's society being raised the way I was raised he would have been put under the jail.

    Fortunately, we made our peace before he died. However, I live with a verbally abusive husband and things have been rough lately and my FM seems to have come out of the closet. I do not know if it is coincidence since I am off all antidepressants.

    I stated Lyrica and am on 26 mg 3 x a day which seems to be helping. However, any form of exercise, even mild walking while grocery shopping throws me into such pain I want to die.

    Awaiting your responses,

    God Bless,
  2. 2sic2mooov

    2sic2mooov New Member

    They say stress exascerbates many diseases. I know with ms it is a given with my sisterin law and my neighbor.

    I cant believe a doc would come out and blantantly say that FM seems to be caused by these stresses.

    There are those with FM that have not been affected in this way. But maybe have a load of other stresses including financial, work, home, physically draining job, trauma due to an accident or injury or losing someone they loved, etc. I think your shrink was being way too broad in saying this.

    To be fair though, I myself went through a bad childhood with an alcoholic dad but he never abused us. He did so to my mom. And then I was careful to NOt marry an alcoholic, but did marry a sex addict who did abuse. He also was great at belittling and playing god. I got out of there and never looked back.

    I am happily remarried to a good guy, though we had our issues and stresses with step parenting, money issues, etc. (Growing up is hard to do).

    I sure hope you work on these issues openly so you don't hold this in. Your husband needs to know how this is affecting you and YOU need to let him know you won't stand for it. It takes 2 to fight. Walk away and do something else that drums out his abuse. Don't let it strip your self-esteem...that is what he wants to do. No matter what, you are good and worthy. Only YOU need to remember this. What he thinks of you is irrelevant . Stress and anxiety can rob you of precious energy. Breathe....and limit your time with this abusive man. Read. listen to music. Make yourself smile. Clear your head and don't put that head down EVER. Take care of yourself, girl!
  3. singingirl

    singingirl New Member

    I've been told that most have either been physically, sexually or verbally abused, or had something very tramatic in their life. Unfortunatly I have had all 4.
  4. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i am very sorry. i also had a very difficult childhood.

    i once read that people with borderline personality disorder are much more likely to get CFS than others.

    there is definitely a stress factor. dr. glaser has been investigating the connection between stress and the immune system with regards to EBV for quite some time.

  5. started off a first visit with me, by asking that sh#$&* (IMO)..

    That's not to say that there isn't something to that stress = weakened immune system = illness... & then the three go on a neverending merry-go-round seemingly (due to past stress.. but ALSO, now added to it, the *present stress* of inconsiderate, inappropriate, neglectful, emotionally hateful/abusive medical personel, financial, emotional, sexual, & every other kind of burden we can all imagine, and know ALL TOO WELL happen after the illness(es) strike... and, then, the FUTURE- worries always about insurance coverage, maxing out, losing coverage, survival on one (or NO income)... etc etc... et al, ad nauseum, merry christmas, happy holidays & WHATHAVEYOU'S! LOL


    Has anyone ever looked at a doctor, when asked "have you ever been abused? Either physically, verbally, or sexually?"

    And, simply shrugged, and replied "sure, I have- have you?"

    And, adding on, "I mean, are we talking about the 4th grade bully, who called you a bad name once, or made fun of you for wearing glasses, which, for many years, DID hurt a little, make a child feel a little less about themself, question why(am I??) different?"

    Or, the gossiping co-worker, who said hurtful things around work, that you knew weren't true, but, found yourself wondering what YOU might have done... what was it about YOU that he or she "singled" you out??"

    "Look, I'm sick, and, I'm HERE to find out WHY- but, one thing that I DO KNOW, is that I DIDN'T end up here, because mommy or daddy didn't HUG me enough as a CHILD!"

    Also- here's a little something to 'bone up' (read up) on... for your own polite, dignified, and just *factual* way to stand up for yourself, to avoid that "It's all in your head" crapola, which MANY of those doctors are leaning more towards, with those condescending questions. MANY of them DON'T want the work of another one of "those" tiring, bothersome, repeat-customer, 'difficult'/impossible 'people' to treat...

    The MAJORITY, want to shove u off to a shrink, or just shove anti-depressants down ur throat.

    Some- though, yes, truly do go with the "mind, body, spirit" connection route.. however, *I MYSELF* found that, it certainly seemed as a young, very suddenly, violently ill WOMAN... they tried and tried, with those questions... watching me more intently then they ever had before, or sense... as if they wanted to see "signs"... like 'eyes averting' (in an ashamed manner, when asked those abuse questions), tears, anger, - they seemed to be 'studying' my 'body language'... hoping for a "YAHTZEE"!

    The minute they get ya crying, yelling, getting defensive, reacting 'sheepishly'...... you are depressed. WHICH, then MAKES you feel depressed- at having been treated that way, AGAIN... etc etc.

    Here's one thing though:

    Doctors just must not own t.v.s, papers, JOURNALS, etc...

    otherwise, they'd have heard, the way *I* did... (through High School Convocations, THERAPISTS, the Montel Williams show, Dr PHIL, OPRAH, PSA's... ETC!!!!) THAT-

    by the time a teenager graduates high school... "1 in 4 will have been sexually harrassed, assaulted, or abused in some other way"...

    Honestly- that statistic, again- leads to the question of 'what exactly DEFINES "harassed.. *assaulted*, and- as far as "or abused/pressured in some other way..." well... again- defined as?

    Your "normal teenage boys" (IS IT?) 'cat-calling' at a girl, embarrassing her, repeatedly, as she walks down a hallway, (and a group* of boys, versus 'some jerk' - that CAN be a 'traumatic' event, for some girls/guys in high school- depends on how long it goes on, how far it goes, how that specific individual is, on the inside, and even their upbringing's/exposure, or lack OF exposure, to that kind of behavior)

    And, assault- well? They've *always* said "No means No" again, in convocations, the school nurse, posters on the wall.... church groups, etc...

    Oh heck, I'm so sorry all.... I have soo much more to say, but, I'm done for now,

    I think anyone who's read this far, can see where I'm going (have gone) with the post?

    Point being, basically, "yes, doctor... but.... what's THAT got to do with anything?" The majority of the PLANET, HAS been physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually abused, and or suffered emotional/physical trauma... not every human being on the planet is ill, with the same *basic* symptoms, (we all know, through time, ALL of our illnesses take their own insane courses) as "8-10 million" other americans...

    And.. do they ask these questions of ALL their patients now? Some kind of new standard operating procedure?

    My husband certainly wasn't asked a single one of those questions, while being evaluated for his sleep apnea/snoring/severe sinus infection- because he was ?? male? working? 'just another tired young working man?' He just got a 'good' doctor??

    Who the he** knows.... actually... I think we do, or have a hunch or two- few theories mullin' around in these mush-melon domes of ours, that we once were able to earn a living with, and have a deep sense of pride from..

    Love to all..

    Forgive these never-ending ramblings from this insomniac,

    Trust me, it's even LOUDER *in* my head, (LOL)

    "aintasgoodasIonceWas"... former Combatmedic/CNA/NREMT
  6. 2sic2mooov

    2sic2mooov New Member

    You should be on a debate team girl...I want you in my corner AND at my next doc appt, which happens to be tomorrow!!!!
    you said a mouthful when comparing the way men and women get questioned at appointments. It's all completely TRUE.

    You had me at Yahtzee.....

    Now I can feel like I have some gumph that rubbed off of you and also go to sleep tonight with a chuckle. Yay!
  7. God Bless ya for even making it THROUGH one of my 'novels'.

    Honestly, I have so much trouble with my brain, side effects from meds, and, well... just spending sooo much time home alone, while hubby works, etc...

    You can tell I have LOTS of thoughts, LOL.. some of them, even coherent!

    I'm very glad you got a laugh, that was definitely one of the intentions of the post, and yes, to also kind of point out to other people, the things I WISH I would have said, in defense of MYSELF, about a million times, in my earlier days of illness,

    But, I like many people, being 22 yrs old, newly married, perfect, ideal job at the hospital ( by that, I mean WAY WAY WAY LESS* work, for WAY WAY WAY more PAY, as a CNA), than I'd previously made... well, ANYWHERE, even when I worked at a plastics company for a while.

    But, definitely, at that time (2000), far better pay than I'd EVER made at the nursing home(s). And, 12 hr shifts, 3 days one week, 4 days the next, EVERY OTHER WEEKEND OFF (uh. NEVER happened at a nursing home!!! not unless you'd worked there so long, you were in between being an employee, and becoming a patient yourself! THEN, with 20-30+ yrs in, you could get a weekend here or there off..)

    And, I also took such huge pride, in the very (two?) uniform(s?) that led to my entire 'downfall' My military uniform- it feels so 'dorky' to think back & smile, at the PRIDE I took, EVERYTIME I put my BDU's on, for weekend drill, or for 3wks, annual training.

    Especially since that was THEE huge sledgehammer, that just brought my whole happy world crumbling down. (the 2nd 'uniform' of course, was my scrubs, :)

    I went *directly* from that, to vomiting my GUTS out, for over a year and a half, dropping from 138lbs, to 116lbs, in about the first 17 days of the vomiting... and how many times was I admitted to a hospital (the very same one I WORKED AT!?) for tests, observation, I.V. medication to stop the vomiting, etc???

    To this day- 8 yrs, 3 months, after i worked my last night, I have NEVER spent more than 12-13 hrs in a hospital (and that was 'brain' surgery, of sorts... a very invasive surgery for Trigeminal Neuralgia).

    So, anyhow, 8 yrs later, well over 40 doctors, specialists, surgeons, etc... and probably 30+ diagnosis'...

    You could SAY, (LOL) I've had a 'little' time, (usually- if not almost ALWAYS on those rides HOME from the doctor!) to think of....


    And, ocasionally, I HAVE. I've just decided, that, they are going to decide that I AM whatever they SAY I am... so ???

    What? I lose another WHACKO- save some money?? lol

    I literally have nearly lost my sanity, and figure... frick it. truly, WHAT IS the 'worst' that can happen to me?

    And- yes, just 11 months ago- (and I STILL DO NOT REGRET) standing UP for myself (while VOMITING, mind you, LOL) to by far, THEE WORST ER doctor, I have EVER, EVER, met in my life, and in the whole 'realm' of dr's I've seen- he's definitely in the top 3, if NOT thee #1 DOU**EBAG.

    And, due to my (inability!), and unwillingness to backdown from his HORRIBLE accusations, insults, lack of education on a potentially FATAL genetic disease *I* was born with (he wanted to ARGUE with me, that it was the 'same thing' as a completely different disease!!!)

    Anyways- DUE to 'standing up for myself'... (*grin*)

    "I got a bad report card"... and, it's made an already uncomfortable situation with my usual NP at my pain clinic, far worse... but, she asked what happened, I told her exactly, she gave me a urinalysis (lmfao!) and re-newed my pain clinic agreement, etc... and... I'm still alive.

    Couldn't care less about that emotionless, compassion-lacking, don't-know-her-own-doggone-pharmaceuticals she's prescribing, hideous cow in a human suit (LOL! OMG I've been up for 2 days, so sorry!!!)

    I've either just found my backbone, or.. just gotten flat out fed UP! I'm to the point where HALF these doofus's I see are so ate up, and OUT TO LUNCH, at my visits anymore, that... they'd almost be doing me a FAVOR to fire me.

    Unfortunately- PART of the reason I gave that ER doctor MASSIVE HE**, was... a side effect of the high dose of one of my anti-convulsants I was on, for nerve pain, LOL. But, hey... u know, whatever it took, LOL

    I've never even went off on a doctor while I was on high-dose steroids... but, I HAVE let quite a few dr's have it..

    It seems though, that, just like my mom, and my sister.. and my sister's boyfriend- we tend to be able to let people have it- when they are insulting, or neglecting someone we love... far better, more readily, and easily, than we do, when *we're* the one's sitting there, being degraded, insulted, blown off, accused ('depressed') ("No, not really- not until I CAME HERE!)

    That is something I think drs are TAUGHT in medical school- rapid fire questioning, avoiding YOUR main concern, they cut you off mid-sentence, shift gears on you, frequently, until, you don't know which way is up, which way is down... and you feel about 2 inches tall.

    I AM getting better- at *knowing* which drs are capable, likely to, have been *known* to in the past, of 'attacking' me, my character, my dignity (what's left of it. few pebbles of sand, in my pocket, LOL), and try to engage them in eye contact (ever watch animal planet? like rhinos, moose, big bucks about to engage in battle? LOL) I try to remember, not to shrink, that I AM EQUAL to the dou**Ebag, sitting in the white coat,

    And I try VERY hard (they are soooo good, at evasive maneuvering, avoidance, confusing me) I try sometimes I have to more than once- to keep on what I'd come there for- what *I* NEED addressed, etc.. and make my limits clear.

    No more jumping through hoops, taking any more dam*ed drugs, that leave me with permanent side effects- STRICTLY out of fear of appearing, and being LABELED "uncooperative".

    I took every single drug thrown at me, for 5-6 yrs. I finally told my docs where I draw the line (He**... what's LEFT!?) lol

    But, I only wish I hadn't let them beat me down, so terribly, when I was at my very weakest, (literally, physically), until I completely lost myself emotionally- I let THEM talk ME into believing that I WAS just a piece of CRAP stuck to everyone's shoe.

    I'm trying realllllll hard, to remember who I was.

    My sense of humor, as u can tell, has remained in tact... how? I don't know,

    Take care, best of luck to you

  8. louiesgirl2

    louiesgirl2 New Member

    Boy, if I thought that putting this out would have started your ramblings I would have left it alone. I guess we are all entitled to our opinions. If this is what my asking quesitons is going to get me I might just not ask anymore.
  9. Empower

    Empower New Member

    You sound like me

    I was physically and verbally abused by both parents as a child, and I have a verbally abusive husband

    Things have also been rough for me lately and I stoped a/d's about 2 months ago

    I think I will need to go back on them, even with all the side effects because I just can't deal with things

    I believe that the abuse plays a big role
  10. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I have never been abused in any way. So throw that theory out the window.

    I personally would like to thank Laura - you have reminded me that I still have "spunk" that I haven't released in a while!
    HUMOR - To me, it's right up there, with air and water - a 'must have'.

    Louiesgirl - why would you stop asking questions because someone offered their insight? Please don't do that.
    I am guilty of rambling sometimes - many times we have lots to say, to share - we don't want to stifle people from doing that.

  11. louiesgirl2

    louiesgirl2 New Member

    Yes Janalynn you are correct and I apologize for my remark.

    For all of you who never were abused in any way I say horah. I was, verbally and physically and it was awful. So much so that I only remember that from my childhood. I cannot remember any of the good times save 1. That is a pretty sad epitaph. 57 years old and can only remember 1 good time in her life. It saddens me.

    FM is caused by many variations of things in our bodies. Stress, auto accident, surgery, I could go on and on. If verbal and physical abuse is not a trauma to the body then what the hell is. I have had more surgeries than I can count on both hands, stressed to the max, several auto accidents in my 57 years. Add it all up and I am surprised I am not in a loony bin somewhere.

    So, yes I can believe that abuse of any kind can stir up problems in our bodies and minds.