This is my first time on this board. I have read a few messages and it amazing me the support that each one gives to another. I have felt so alone and now I see I am not by far. I am so sorry there are so many people who do suffer from this horrible disease. I always feel its like a cancer but you never die. I sopmetimes wish you could just to have some peace in your life. Don't get me wrong I would not harm myself but I knw what it is to feel you wish it could be over. I am a single mom of a very active 10 year old boy, who has energy coming from everywhere. I live for him and try to play with him when I can. It has been very hard on him. Almost five years ago I was brutally, sadistically sexually assaulted and that is how all this started, these last five years have been a nightmare (the man who did this was a co-worker), it has been a fight against work forever, and for the last fours years plus I now have this to contend with. I am so tired of fighting all the time, to get better, to get back to work, to be happy for my son, to pretend that I feel okay when I don't for my family. No one understands. My parents are supportive when it comes to my son if I need a day to recoup which I am blessed for. But sometimes I need help, love, caring, understanding. There main concern is when will I get back to work. I want to work so bad because I feel so alone, but between this board and I I don't think my body can do it. This frightensme, I have had a career for years, one I worked very hard to get, I had a very active life style, and now its mostly gone. I have lost so many friends because they couldn't deal with the pain from the rape and why it was taking me so long to recover and now this. Some people when they find out I have Fibro give me a funny look, like I am some stressed out woman who can not cope with life and has made herself sick. Do they have any idea what I or anyone would do if that was all it was, then we would have a cure. I sometimes wish they would just leave me alone, I feel so unworthy sometimes, even though I am not. I feel people should be more aware of the disease not just from our mouths but from articles that are in the local paper or magazines so people could have a better understanding. I try to explain to them but it is like they do not believe me, and feel its just me. The pain is so bad sometimes that OI just want to sleep for days, but I can't because of my son. I sometimes feel I am irratable with him, and get mad he is around. I feel so guilty because he is the most precious gift in my life and I love him more then life. I go to swim classes to try to strengthen my body but I hurt on some days after so badly. I have been doing it for 6 months now so I would think my body is used to it. I have problems avoiding carbs, I love crackers, and they do not seem to bother my stomach or bowels. I usually can tell wehn a food does because my stomach bloats up like I am nine months pregnant and my bowels hurt very badly as well. I am not giving up, but I wish there were exact answers ones that could bring forward us a life free of pain and exhaustion. I find if my pain is better I am tired all the time, it seems I can never win. If I feel not to bad I try to get things done and end up over doing it, but how else can things get done> Then I suffer. I am sure this sounds so familiar to a lot o people on this board. I am hoping I can meet some people who understand me, do not judge me, and who I can call a friend. I have already talked too much and all I am doing is complaining, I am sorry but I have so much to say , and I am sure most of us could talk and talk and talk. I guess I am one of them. So, I just wanted to say I welcome anyone to talk to me, I am willing and I care about all of you, and I hope I can find some friends on this board. I look forward in talking to all of you at some time. I hope I can help you too. Thanks, and I wish everyone a peaceful, and happy painfree day! Lots of hugs to you all.