Does it ever get better

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by friendtoo, Apr 29, 2003.

  1. friendtoo

    friendtoo New Member

    This is my first time on this board. I have read a few messages and it amazing me the support that each one gives to another. I have felt so alone and now I see I am not by far. I am so sorry there are so many people who do suffer from this horrible disease. I always feel its like a cancer but you never die. I sopmetimes wish you could just to have some peace in your life. Don't get me wrong I would not harm myself but I knw what it is to feel you wish it could be over. I am a single mom of a very active 10 year old boy, who has energy coming from everywhere. I live for him and try to play with him when I can. It has been very hard on him. Almost five years ago I was brutally, sadistically sexually assaulted and that is how all this started, these last five years have been a nightmare (the man who did this was a co-worker), it has been a fight against work forever, and for the last fours years plus I now have this to contend with. I am so tired of fighting all the time, to get better, to get back to work, to be happy for my son, to pretend that I feel okay when I don't for my family. No one understands. My parents are supportive when it comes to my son if I need a day to recoup which I am blessed for. But sometimes I need help, love, caring, understanding. There main concern is when will I get back to work. I want to work so bad because I feel so alone, but between this board and I I don't think my body can do it. This frightensme, I have had a career for years, one I worked very hard to get, I had a very active life style, and now its mostly gone. I have lost so many friends because they couldn't deal with the pain from the rape and why it was taking me so long to recover and now this. Some people when they find out I have Fibro give me a funny look, like I am some stressed out woman who can not cope with life and has made herself sick. Do they have any idea what I or anyone would do if that was all it was, then we would have a cure. I sometimes wish they would just leave me alone, I feel so unworthy sometimes, even though I am not. I feel people should be more aware of the disease not just from our mouths but from articles that are in the local paper or magazines so people could have a better understanding. I try to explain to them but it is like they do not believe me, and feel its just me. The pain is so bad sometimes that OI just want to sleep for days, but I can't because of my son. I sometimes feel I am irratable with him, and get mad he is around. I feel so guilty because he is the most precious gift in my life and I love him more then life. I go to swim classes to try to strengthen my body but I hurt on some days after so badly. I have been doing it for 6 months now so I would think my body is used to it. I have problems avoiding carbs, I love crackers, and they do not seem to bother my stomach or bowels. I usually can tell wehn a food does because my stomach bloats up like I am nine months pregnant and my bowels hurt very badly as well. I am not giving up, but I wish there were exact answers ones that could bring forward us a life free of pain and exhaustion. I find if my pain is better I am tired all the time, it seems I can never win. If I feel not to bad I try to get things done and end up over doing it, but how else can things get done> Then I suffer. I am sure this sounds so familiar to a lot o people on this board. I am hoping I can meet some people who understand me, do not judge me, and who I can call a friend. I have already talked too much and all I am doing is complaining, I am sorry but I have so much to say , and I am sure most of us could talk and talk and talk. I guess I am one of them. So, I just wanted to say I welcome anyone to talk to me, I am willing and I care about all of you, and I hope I can find some friends on this board. I look forward in talking to all of you at some time. I hope I can help you too.
    Thanks, and I wish everyone a peaceful, and happy painfree day! Lots of hugs to you all.
  2. fibrorebel

    fibrorebel New Member

    I just posted a resonse to you on my post and welcomed you to our board. Don't feel like you need to apologize for venting. Not to us anyway, we all realize the need and there is healing in venting and being validated. I am very sorry for what you have been through in the last five years.
    Traumas such as this often bring on the initial big flare in dormant diseases such as these. I know you are trying to hold everything together for your son-but, are you doing anything for you? Simple things like a warm soak...things that will bring peace and relaxation for even a few minutes each day. You don't deserve to be ill and you certainly didn't deserve the abuse and violation either. Have you had any help with the healing from that experience? As far as my opinion goes...I feel we have already survived the worst and yes, better days are to come. In the mean time we come here and share and laugh and cry together.... peace
    to you....love,Rebel
  3. granmakitty12

    granmakitty12 New Member

    I hope you find all the emotional support you need, as well as all the helpful information that is available here. I am experiencing the same reaction from friends and some family members as you are. I know it is really hard to take. I am sorry for everything you have been through. Please take good care of yourself. Granmakitty12
  4. 2girls

    2girls New Member

    We certainly do understand you here, we would never judge you, and you will have friends. I noticed you mentioned FM seminar at a hospital in your other post. Where in Canada are you from? I am in Montreal, QC and very interested.
    Thanks
    2girls
  5. gottalottalove

    gottalottalove New Member

    I too have a son that age and one at 13, I am thankful for these boards and have learned so much. I have had a lot of my questions answered by typing in a key word at top of page "search messages". Please fill out your profile/bio so we can get to know you better. I have found at all times day and night and cannot beleive the courage you and others that are chronically ill. It is so confusing going to doctors and having them treat you with so many pills.

    I guess at least some are willing to listen and treat! LOL

    I know taking vitamins and supplements every day now has helped me with the pain and fatigue a little. I hope this helps and hang in there. PS I hope your son is a good helper around the house. Mine take pride in helping me and we have become much closer because we communicate more. Take advantage of those quiet times by watching a movie together, let him bake desserts, and play a board game. There isnt enough video games in the world that makes up for my special time with my boys. Take care and I hope to hear from you more. Tina Sounds like you are on the right track. Try not to mourn your old life all the time. (I know I do often) I over do it and live for those days when I forget how sick I am, even though they are far and few between. Be gentle with yourself and goodluck on educating your friends and family.
  6. friendtoo

    friendtoo New Member

    Hi, I wanted to let you know that I live in Ontario, London. There is a program available to all that is one month day program. i went for the assessment and it sounds interesting. it is basically a team that works with you so you can learn to cope with the pain, mentally, physically....so i am giving it a try. one thing i do find that some therapies cost so much money, this one doesn't cost and is right at St. Joes hospital, if your from out of town they have cheap accommodations for you too. if anyone wants info on this just let me know?

    Bad day today. i was so tired i could barely keep awake, and my legs are hurting so bad, and my stomach is so bloated i feel pregnant!!

    otherwise no i can't say a good day, but tomorrow is another day!

    smiles .....
  7. horsegal

    horsegal New Member

    Ditto what Rebel had to say. Sorry for all you've been thru. Think about the part of doing something for you. I think I've spent the last 20 years living and doing for my husban and daughter. Yes, they were worth it, but if I don't take care of me, I won't be here to help them. It does get better, and worse, and better!! I'm new to this board too...3 days new and it has already made a difference in my attitude.
  8. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    Welcome to the Board! You have come to the right place to make friends. This is a great group of people, compassionate, and very supportive. I am so sorry your friends have deserted you through this. Some are like that, and they really shouldn't be counted as true friends. True friends are there with us through thick and thin. Thank goodness you have some support and help from your parents. I know ten year olds can be so energetic! We all need time to rest and recoup. I have four children, with just two left at home, now, a 13 and a 15 year old. You will turn around very soon, and he will be a grown man.

    As far as overdoing--it is very important to prioritize. The things that use to be of importance to me, have lost their appeal. I can look past a messy house, and see that my daughter or son, would at that very moment love some one on one attention. I was so caught up in what I thought was important, I often missed great opportunities.
    Now when I have what I call a window of opportunity (meaning I am not in terrible pain, extremely fatigue, or feeling badly) I take that time to do that which is lasting, and true---love my kids, and invest in their future. To heck with the housework--it always waits for me. The kids do not, and go on their way, sooner than one can fathom.

    It is so nice meeting you. I hope to hear much more from you, and get to know you, better. Know that you can come here, and your needs for support, care, and concern will be dished out in heavy doses.
    Best wishes,
    LL

  9. friendtoo

    friendtoo New Member

    I know what you mean, every moment I do feel well, I try to take aadvantage of doing something with my son. He is very involed in sports so this keeps us very busy and it gives me a chance to get out. There is no question that I am not the person I was, I do no longer like being in crowds or going our where people drink. For one I can not drink or want to anymore, but the fun of the outings I like but then I get overwhelmed and need to leave. Its been so long, I have been off work over 4 years no, and you loose connections with people and the world, and because of the assault, I do have a trust issue problem.

    As far as my son is concerned he is the reason I fight evryday, I love him so much and he has suffered too, so when able I try to make every moment I can special with him.

    How do you help yourFMS?
    friends, Jody
  10. friendtoo

    friendtoo New Member

    Hi there seems to be so many people on this site. It amazing me how many people suffer, and so many so young. I always do things for myself too, I do not like to ask others for help, I feel ashamed I can not do it. I am getting a bit better with that though, it will take time. I am still seaarching for my likes...have tried a few things and the happiness doesn't shine though. I did painting for awhile and I still enjoy it, but not all the time. I read here and there, swim, clean, sports, everything seems to be set just to get by my day, and its hard to get in fun things just for me. Since the assault I have not ever had a nice bubble bath yet, one day I will.

    Have a nice day.
    J
  11. loopyloo

    loopyloo New Member

    Welcome to this site you will find a lot of support her from everyone and hopefully it will brighten up your day try to find some think nice that will help and to do for you each day, like a nice bubble bath with nice arromatherapy candles to make the room smell loverly as well as you, maybe another day take a picnic with your son and go to a relaxing place like a lake to feed the ducks and take a football(maybe not the football if your hurting) sorry got carried away, or just go to an ice cream parlour and have a huge ice cream each or share one, maybe one day put a colour in your hair to make you feel good, let some one else do your nails, or treat your self to some thing new doesn't have to be expensive what a bout a wind chime or some thing just for your hair like new clips or ties if it is long.
    just every morning think today i am going to do this for me and do it, it will soon bring your confidence back it might take time maybe ring one of your old friends and invite them round you never no they might come maybe you could cook for a friend tell them to bring some wine and you will cook dinner and it might be nice to sit and chat with them for a while try not to mention the past talk about new stuff, or if it is hard for you to go out then look around the house and think i will decorate this room just by painting i wall a room can look completely diffrent, any way i hope i have given you some ideas and it will take time to get to do stuff but keep in contact with us all and fill in your profile if you click on the names in purple you can read about other people you may even find some one who lives near you, i wish you all the best and i am sending some
    ((((((Big hugs))))) from the UK to you and your son
    love from Loopyloo xx