I don't know WHY but I am getting to where I care less about why I have FM and less about when they will find a cure. Not that I wouldn't LOVE it, but I'm just not all militant about it anymore. All I ask is to be kept reasonably out of the worst of the pain and I want to work ever more toward better diet and more movement. I DO get down sometimes and do the "Why me?" thing, but more and more I think "Why not me?" and don't dwell on the why's. I've written SO many letters to websites I would get angry at, like Mayo's, I bombarded them with letters for a year when their website on FM was worse than it is now. It's still not perfect but it was BAD. They got so sick of me I guess they finally did change it (not because of me I'm sure) but wrote me and asked me to check it out to see if it was better. I thanked them and told them it WAS better but still not perfect. I wrote to Oprah, Montel, back when Phil Donahue was on (I wasn't gay though so I guess I didn't fit his agenda at the time, if that's offensive PLEASE remove it, no sweat. I have nothing against gays per sa, so it wasn't meant to be a slam). I wrote to my Senators and Congress and even Mrs. Clinton and Mrs. Bush. I wrote and wrote and wrote, got few responses and finally quit. I fought the fatigue and worked through the pain and caused myself more pain in the process. I didn't pace myself, didn't change my habits, didn't worry about what I ate and was just plain MAD all the time over the FM and how it was changing my life. Suddenly it just doesn't matter as much anymore and guess what..I have less fatigue, less pain and less of the madness. Oh, I have ROTTEN days at times and I cry and fuss and carry on sometimes, but as a rule I think I've just accepted it like you would a sixth finger. It's there and it's not going anywhere any time soon so why fight it? I have a great (at least compassionate and willing to buck the system) pain management doctor, I pace myself, I nap if I want to, I dance with my Chi's for exercise, I sing all day to myself (I even make up musicals..lol! and I play all the parts..whoops, maybe that makes me a nut case? Oh well)! I worry more about my 33 year old daughter being in the pain than about myself, since she has to work and try to live some semblence of a normal life the rest of the time. I get lonely, that's the WORST part of this whole thing now. My friends all died in 1997 when my mom did (around the time) and I haven't been able to get out and meet new people and don't know if I want to invest the time in separating the wheat from the chaff again. And I think I can't spell cat today! My husband has to work and I don't see so much as the mailman during the day. My daughter lives close but feels bad most of the time and when she doesn't has things to do with her husband alot. They do come around about once a month for a few. I've met some people online from an old FM chat room and unexpected places and keep in touch with them, some I don't remember WHERE I met them. But my best friend lives in Colorado and her health keeps her there and mine keeps me here. So lonliness is the number ONE worst thing about all of this for me. Does ANYone feel sort of like I do?