Does Lonliness and FM/CFS go hand in hand?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Feeling really lonely lately, maybe it's because it is Thanksgiving and the dreaded Holidays are here, they always show up like a bad penny.

    I do have things to be grateful for, for example a full time job, a few friends, but very little family. My father died suddenly last year and things have just been difficult. I live with my 80 year old mother who can be an emotional roller coaster most of the time, other times we can get along.

    I do not have kids or a spouse and at times I am so glad I don't because my FM is just too demanding of me phsically, emotionally, etc. But, at other times I feel like my life is just not what I wanted it to be, I know a lot of people feel this way and I am not the only one.

    My moods with FM can be so up and down, just depending on flare ups and all. One of the most hardest things, believe it or not, is that people comment on how nice I can look, or some family members and friends comment on how healthy I look and although these are some very nice things to say, my inner body screams pain, fatigue, exhaustion, memory problems and ultimately as a result of all of this, depression and lonliness.

    Some family members say if I can only "find" that special guy, everything will be better. I have been through a few relationships that just didn't work out, and the end result was more FM flare ups, the emotional difficulties of a relationship that doesn't work out results in more problems for me. Oh, by the way, I do not entirely believe finding a special someone will make everything better, where do people get this idea?

    Maybe it is just the Holidays, or maybe I am going thru the change, which I dread, (I'm 44), or maybe it is just another nasty flare up, which always makes me feel more vulnerable to people and a mild depression can take over me. Just needing to vent. Hugs, Chelz.
  2. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down today. Sorry to hear you lost your Dad last year. That make it expecially hard at the holidays. Did you have a Thanksgiving dinner? I hope so. Yes, it is a very lonely time, I think, for most people with the type of illnesses we have.

    I have a big family but am too ill to go to the holiday get togethers at my daughter's house. I had to stop going to her Christmas eve party two years ago and it broke my heart. I am really too ill to have company for more than about 30 minutes. I just get worn out.

    My husband and I celebrate alone now. We're 69 years old. I still talk on the phone and on Facebook with the kids and grandkids but hardly ever see anyone. It takes some getting used to and sometimes, if I think about it too much, I get depressed.

    By the way, I have to say that menopause was one of the greatest things to happen to me. I already had CFS/FM and did not have any symptoms other than some hot flashes (which I had with the CFS anyway!) I feel so much better without the monthly stuff. I had severe PMS so this is great. Don't worry about it because some women, like me, do not experience bad symptoms. I didn't take HRT either.

    Hugs to you and take care of yourself. GB66
    [This Message was Edited on 11/26/2009]
  3. I think anyone jmo, I have had fibro for over 30 yrs and it is something so hard to deal with and live with that NO ONE we live with even can understand. (even though they say they do) And just dealing with it daily one thing after another problem we get depressed and so we feel alone. Other than here I don't know anyone personally who has fibro, there are no meetings nearby. I had a feel sorry day last wk and just stood and sobbed, which is rare for me but it gets to you after awhile. I hope this makes sense as it is early and I am in a fog.
  4. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    I so identify with you and the others who posted. I do think loneliness and FMS go hand in hand. We are not understood and left pretty much alone because others go on without us. That is so hard. I'm sorry too for the loss of your Dad. That makes the holidays harder. But, you, along with all of us, will survive. It's just hard.

    I don't believe at all that finding a man will make things better, unless, of course, he is very understanding and accepting of your illness. It is always possible that any one of us will find someone very special to share life with. But, the wrong person could really make things much worse, as you well realize. Don't give up hope. You never know what the future holds.

    I had a total hysterectomy at age 45. So, I went thru an abrupt menopause. Went on hormone replacement immediately. However, I chose to go off my estrogen at age 50 due to the warnings associated with hormone replacement therapy. I had no real problem with mennopausal symptoms. Not every one of us has bad symptoms, so I hope you are lucky that way.

    Chelz, as alone as we feel, we are not alone. There are so many of us who are in the same boat. Come here and post often. There is always someone to "talk" to. I don't go to chat rooms because I cannot keep up with that hectic atmosphere. But, I do post on the ChitChat board. Maybe you could join us over there sometimes. You really get to feel close to people there as we talk about our everyday lives and show a real interest in each other.

    I know. I, too, long for companionship. But, the best I can do is realize I have God all the time, and I have family as much as they are able to be there for me. I have one friend I keep in touch with by letter. And I have this board for support. That's the best I can do. I, too, am always open to suggestions for other ways to connect with others.

    Take really good care of you. The future does look brighter due to the recent research. We must believe there are better days ahead.

  5. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Yes, the "dreaded" holidays really affect me as well. In my 60's; lost 30+ yr marriage as he wanted total "freedom". Like you, no kids, spouse, few long distance friends only. The change can definitely contribute to mood swings, but there alot of natural herbs at the health food store that can help.

    Unlike most people, I believe having a loving male companion (not live in) to visit would definitely help my loneliness. Of course it would have to be a "match"; and that's the hardest part. But living in, you're right, can cause more problems.

    Venting for me is a huge helper, but again has to be with someone that "understands" how we feel. I'm even finding it difficult to find a counselor who can support me thru all of this.

    We have to keep reaching out in whatever way we can; going it alone is the worst of all.

  6. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Do you remember that song? Well last night my depression was so deep I couldn't stop crying, so my helper said, "you're outa here". Had to shift my mental state. I was crashed in bed, so had to take extra meds just to get dressed. Ended up at the only dance place in town. ONly one seat left.

    Dancing has always been my passion, but with my physical limitations, rarely can I get out.
    But once that music started, so did my old engine. Music talks to me; especially blues/soft rock, and so it started. ONly me on the floor, but that never did bother me. I was there to "self express", and shift my mental state.

    Well outa nowhere there's this 6'5" Australian guy dancing with me. We played together, close & afar. It was pure, fun, fun. Now that has given me hope that I can have
    some fun when I'm that depressed. (only lasted less than l/2 hr). lol

    So from that deep dark hole to having the best time in way too long. Passing this along in case you have a passion, but with our symptoms, hold back going for it.

    Today, of course, I'm in alot of pain, but my heart was filled & I'm in pain daily anyway!!
    Hoping there's someway you can find what I thought I never would. Fun!

  7. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Lonliness & Fibro & CFS do go hand in hand.
    I was dx 13 years ago 14 years next year & i was depressed then & still am now very very depressed.
    The beauty of this board is that we all under stand how each other feels when you need a frirend im always here for you remember that ok?
    Reply please.
    Take care.