does your illness consume your conversations?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by charlenef, Oct 24, 2006.

  1. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    i think because im always looking for an answer anything im talking about ends up about what im going through.im sure people are sick of hearing about this dd. i was just wondering if im the only one charlene
  2. tandy

    tandy New Member

    But I do try to stop myself as soon as I notice.

    I'm sure your right,... ? who wants to hear it all the time! Hardly a minute goes by that I don't feel pain,so I think thats why. We have constant reminders of having FM/CF.
    Its hard to take your mind off something you feel always. but I'm trying~
  3. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    at work. I'm a professional and it could effect my job. My close associates know and I've found my assistant covering for me on days I can't remember proper words, you know, finishing sentences for me and such.
    I do try to squelch it with my hubby. He will call and say how are you and it's so easy to say.. I'm tired... I hurt.. My joints ache... etc. Any one would get sick of hearing that day in and out so I try to just say, ok.. How are YOU doing? : )
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    charlene:

    I usually will strike up a conversation with some other patiient in the waiting room of the doctor's. Each one of us will tell the other why we are there and discuss it.

    When it comes to others and they ask what is wrong I will just say 'Fibromyalgia' and not comment further.

    I learned from my neighbor next to me to be careful about how much I say. As I have written here before she has harassed me over and over again with comments like 'Still sick?', 'Aren't you ever going to get better', 'Why don't you do something for yourself'.

    I can not even stand looking at the woman.

    nyrofan
  5. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    is that early on when I was still learning about my pains and illness I did speak (probably too much) about it. I figured people who really knew me would care to know what I was experiencing. I realize now, I overwhelmed them with what was overwhelming me.

    I have isolated myself because of the reaction I was getting from others of doubt and hypocondria. They knew me before this and I assumed they would be here now. Many are not here now...because I couldn't tollerate the toxicity of the relationships, it was and still is very painful to me and although I somewhat understand that they simply just do not know...it hurts immensly that they did not try harder.

    I have never been one to focus on "ME". My focus was always toward others and usually those who needed help. I feel pretty alone right now.

    Wouldn't you think...if you spent your life prioritizing everybody before yourself...they might be there when you NEED them?

    I guess I have learned through time and suffering to keep it to myself...because most are not educated nor do they want to be.

    I am so sorry (once again) that this sounds negative. It is soley my experience and I talk to people who understand and stay away from those who should...but don't care.

    I hope your experience is so much better and you have the support that I have longed for.

    Jane
    [This Message was Edited on 10/24/2006]
  6. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    their are a lot of people who dont still get it. my one friend calls me to go out to a bar.ive havent been in a bar in years so i feel like im talking to the wall. im in bed 22yrs a day so i feel i have to defend myself she say things like ill pick you up whats the big deal. i just would like some releif . it is mostly those i am closest to that hear about my illness i guess its in the family contract.lol charlene
  7. Bruinz

    Bruinz New Member


    I never talk to non FM/CFS people about my illness.
    I have found it to be safer that way. I only get abuse from co-workers if the topic comes up, so I try to avoid it as much as possible.

    Being a male, it's hard to find people to talk to.....

    Thanks

    Bruinz
  8. nerdieduckie

    nerdieduckie New Member

    It tends to, especially on days when I'm feeling bad, but I usually only talk to my closest friend about it -then she gets an earfull!! But I try to keep an open ear for her because she has problems as well. She's quite considerate when I ramble though.

    If it's people I don't know as well or family, I tend to not want to discuss it. Mum usually does if it's with another adult. Family always asks "how are you?!" and I've just decided to answer with "good" or "okay" coz I don't want anyone to worry and also my uncle has Parkinson's so I don't really consider the fibro that much of a big deal.

    I'm sure my friends probably get sick of hearing about it, but they never say so. They're also very understanding about plans and make them "if I feel like it" which generally I do ;)
  9. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    No, I don't talk about it much at all. Most people just don't get it. Most people are so consumed with their own lives that I don't feel like talking about it. I only speak about it with my sister and best friend. If someone does inquire, I will tell them how I feel, but I try not to go into much detail. That's just the way I am about it. But, I feel very comfortable speaking about it with others on this board and that is very comforting! Have a great day! Kim :)
  10. Vegan_Zoey

    Vegan_Zoey New Member

    My illness has a bad habit of weaseling its way into my conversations. I really need to work on that, before someone snaps at me >.<
  11. rockymtnmom

    rockymtnmom New Member

    Dear Charlene,

    I'm afraid that at least for now, I tend to find a way to turn every question, conversation to my DDs. I know it is getting annoying for my family and especially for my hubby, who is starting to tune me out a lot. I am at home and dealing with pain and fatigue pretty much 24/7, so I don't have too much else to talk about, except my kids, dogs, and hubby. I really need to work on this! I need to try and be more positive, especially where it concerns my dear husband, as he has been incredibly supportive through this whole ordeal, and I know it is wearing on him, and he's tired, too.
    I try to read the local newspaper to have something to discuss, and I try to ask people about their day FIRST, so then I feel better about rambling on about mine next!
    You're not alone! Kim
    [This Message was Edited on 10/25/2006]
  12. Slayadragon

    Slayadragon New Member

    I try very hard not to do so. The exceptions are with close family and friends, but then only when a) I'm feeling really sick and feel like they should know so that they don't think that I "don't like them any more," or b) when I'm trying some new treatment that I feel like they should know about (this mostly with my husband) or that I think that they might know something about (my sister is a wealth of information about a wide variety of topics.....I'm not sure where she learns it all).

    In general, regardless of who the person is, I find that talking about my illness is boring, to me and generally to them. I've had "the talk" with those closest to me, most of whom (by now) are sympathetic and understand as much as they need to about my situation. Sometimes I talk to certain people about how it's affected me emotionally, but only insofar as I might talk about how other private matters (e.g. a death of a family member) has affected me.

    Mostly I just would rather talk about other things. I spend little enough quality time with family and friends, and forgetting about my illness during those times is a nice reprieve. (Then again, I don't have fibro. Constant pain might make the forgetting harder.)

    The one situation that I have problems with are the occasional relative or casual friend who (say) comes to visit and wants to pursue an active itinerary. In a few of these cases, my explanation that I have limited energy and can only do a few things floats right over their heads.

    They generally accept that CFS is a real disease, but they don't realize how serious it is or how much I'm going to crash after they leave. Most of the time when I push myself, I don't seem sick.

    I've grown better over the years (as _I've_ accepted that I have a real disease) with regard to saying no, but sometimes it's still hard. On occasion I feel like getting into big arguments with them about just how sick I really am, but in the end it usually doesn't seem worth it.

    That part of it has caused one or two estrangements from relatives and semi-casual friends. Maybe someday they'll understand. It would be nice to think so.
  13. monamea

    monamea New Member

    I have done that also, I found that I feel like I must defend myself and my illness. I'm tired of people telling me that I need to go to bed earlier, like that is going to help! ( it doesn't . I try to stop myself and most times I have done it, but it is hard.
  14. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    i just wanted to know if i was alone.i dont grab strangers on the street and tell them ,my father in law does that but those whom im closest with hear it. im sure im boring them.ill have to try and work on it my mind is just so fixed on this all the time. thanks charlene