wakemeup,I am new to this board,but I guess I to need to vent.Don't blame yourself for being ill.I was shot a few years ago,and bedfast at the time.Anyway, the Dr's found out all my arteries in my neck were stopped up(coroted)I can't spell it but the back of my neck was 100% stopped up and nothing could be done about it.The left side was 85%, right side 75% so I ended up (not being put to sleep)having to have a stent put in the left arterie, but not before I had a stroke. My fiance of 15 years was cheating with a co-worker. He forgot to change the email to the one we use and I read them all. After the initial shock and confronting him, I thought I would be better off in the bed. No way, I got up and read him the wraft and he can go anytime. It was not me nor my illness. It is him,the dog that he was, or is not me.Never,ever blame yourself for anything. I say, keep my check a comming. You can email me anytime you need to vent. I do care!!!!!!!!!!!!