Dont know what to do...

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by lily27, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. lily27

    lily27 New Member

    Hi everyone. Okay, so this is the first time I have ever logged onto a site like this and im not sure what to do but here goes...

    I am 22 years old and live in Australia. I am attractive, athletic, I have a great boyfreind, a great job and on the outset, nothign could be better. But its far from it. Whenever my boyfreind and I have an argument, I feel like I want to die. I dont want to kill myself, but I Just dont want to live anymore. I am over it. Ive tried to talk to my boyfreind about it, he is genuinely concerened but sometimes just gets mad and tells me to 'just go and do it, stop talking about it.'

    6 years ago my mother died of bowel cancer. I was well educated with a nice big house and a brother and sister. My dad, an alcoholic, shortly after my mother died got engaged and I moved out, being 18 yrs old with my grandmother. My dad then never spoke to me again, put my young sister into foster care and left with my brother, I still dont know where he is. My brother and I were close too, but now I dont hear from him either.

    My little sister since then has turned to drugs, alcohol and is in constant trouble with the police. I decided to move intersate with my boyfreind to get a new start on life. He has a loving family and no problems at all. I moved interstate 5 months ago and I hate it. Ive lived in a terrible place and training for my new work location was draining and stressful. It took it out on my relationship, my boyfreind has broken up with me several times and got back with me straight away. Im so scared of losing him, ive lost everyone.

    I have close freinds in my old state but I cant tell them about how i feel. I have seen a psychologist but cant tell them how i really feel because of my job. If i told them, Id most likely loose my job and get locked up in some mental institution.

    I dont know what to do. My boyfreind is so easy to break up with me, he has given up on us. I dont want to loose him but if I do, what else is there to life? I have no one. I am nothing.

    Please help me.
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    It's more important than ever to see the psychologist, and I suggest seeing a psychiatrist at this point, and them him/her the whole truth. Because what you are REALLY feeling is so strong otherwise you wouldn't be afraid of losing your job and being locked up in a mental institution for how you feel. Help from the professional is for you, to help you manage in the relationship with your boyfriend, to help you in the move to this new location with your boyfriend, to help in the grief from the loss of your Mom, to help you deal with feelings towards your Dad, and to give you help with finding your siblings. Please reach out to a professional for help and start working to help yourself and your life because you don't have to feel bad and you can get help to start working through everything and start feeling better. Hugs and prayers.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. Sorry you are feeling so depressed. It is not surprising in view of
    the fact that, like me, you come from a severely dysfunctional, alcoholic family.

    I am going to tell you some things that you probably don't want to hear. You have every
    right to ignore them.

    First, your psychologist cannot help you, if you don't tell him/her what's going on with you.

    Second, I understand your need to cling to your boyfriend, but no other person can make
    you happy. "Happiness depends on being at peace with ourselves." (12 step concept)

    Third, you need to get healthier before you form a romantic bond with someone. Otherwise
    the relationship is almost certain to be an unhealthy one that will fall apart anyway.

    If you want to see what helped me, you can read my profile. Just click on my name above. If
    it doesn't work, try again later.

    Remember that it is very difficult to think straight when we are depressed.

    Twocat is right when she says depressed people can get better, but it takes both help and effort.

    Good luck

    Rock
  4. lily27

    lily27 New Member

    Hey guys

    Thanks for your input, it has really been a wake up and reading your profile rock, thank you for sharing that deep and personal information with us all, I feel like an idiot complaining about my situation compared to yours and everyone elses on this site, but it has given me courage. I have booked in an appointment with a doctor this saturday to see if i need any meds (even though ive never taken them before) and will be honest with the psychologist when I see them. I am nervous but I am willing to do this, its given me strength to know that there are people out there who have hard it harder than me and haven't given up.

    THank you so much, all of you.
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Glad to see your reply. Sometimes people with problems post here, and then we don't hear
    from then again. Can only hope they found something helpful somewhere else.

    I see you were up during the night. Oh, no. That's right. When it's night here it's
    summer in Australia.

    May I suggest you make a list of questions and things you want to tell the doc. Easy to
    get sidetracked otherwise. I remember once I made a list. The dr. left the room to get me some
    written material, and I checked my list to see what else to ask.

    Joke on me. He never came back.

    No need for you to feel like an idiot. You're not an idiot. You're just depressed. That situation
    can be improved. Maybe even cured for long periods. That's what some people report
    at my Emotions Anonymous meetings anyway.

    Best of luck to you

    Rock
  6. lily27

    lily27 New Member

    Hi again,

    Went to the doctors yesterday. He prescribed me with 'CIAZIL' and said I was definately depressed. He said that I would need to take it for about a year, then hopefully I should be okay. He sent me off to get a blood test, which i did today, but I dont know why?? I have to go back to the doctors on monday and he is going to give me some information and 6 free sessions at a psychologist. I took my first tablet yesterday, but they said that it will take a few weeks before it kicks in. Its a very scary process, Ive done eveything he said.

    I hope this stuff works.
  7. janice50

    janice50 New Member

    lily27, i am also new to this board, and i have my own problems, but 1 thing i have learned is listen to people, they will try their best to give you good advice, and it sounds to me they have, when you get better you will realize your life is worth so much more than you first thought, your life is a present from God to you, don't destroy it, remember you are a special person, and it is a priviledge for anyone to get to know you, your boyfriend must really love you to keep coming back, he just wants you to get help i am sure, i am happy you finially went to the doctor, now you can work on being the person you really are,
  8. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    I am new to this web site and not sure if you'll get this because I'm getting all kinds of error messages. I wanted to encourage you to get help from a mental health professional. There are strict laws about confidentiality. I once worked at a place where when I sought mental health help I was sure they'd find out, they didn't. I don't know if you are depressed or not, but a professional will. You have had so many stressers in your young life I that just talking to someone could help you sort out all that stuff. I hear you when you say you are not suicidal but would just like to die. I want you to know that there are other ways to take a break from your problems besides dying, that you and your therapist can explore. Please don't give up. I lost a friend several years ago who told me similar things that you are saying. She overdosed on pills. I tell people she died "accidentally on purpose". I wish I could turn back the clock and help her now but I can't. I hope you hear me Lily.
  9. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Have been reading this post and my Heart goes out to you!,,have been on medication for the same for about 10 years now and cannot go without it!,,,,just a fact of life now!

    Your doing a GREAT job taking the advice of everyone here!,,,,,Please keep us informed and know that we are here for you,,,,the meds really do help!,,,at least in my case,,partly because they replace a chemical that may be missing in your system,,not your fault!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,HUgs to You!,,,,,Sis
  10. TOODA1

    TOODA1 New Member

    Hi lily27!

    Listen to me when I say this, please, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We all feel that we are the ONLY ONES going through these rough times, but YOU ARE NOT!

    YOU ARE NOT CRAZY and YOU can stop what is going on inside of you. You have fears and you have more than enough reason to have these feelings. You really need to open up to someone, it does not make you vulnerable or crazy - it makes you healthy. We all need someone - and you have people available - you are just afraid. YOU HAVE TO TRUST SOMEONE! Start today.

    Find a passion within yourself and life will open up for you. Fill the lonliness with people. Surround yourself with people that can help you through this. Dont have any - find them! While this world is full of bad people - there are so many good waiting to help in any way. Reach out lily27. You will be surprised how others can give you the love that you are missing and greatly need. Love can and will heal those pains.

    TOODA1