Don't like to admit this but...

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Blue_Heron, Nov 11, 2004.

  1. Blue_Heron

    Blue_Heron New Member

    ....there are days when I feel like I've been abandoned by God. I know it's not true and I know I sound selfish by saying it but I guess since things just keep getting worse and worse with no light at the end of the tunnel it is sometimes hard to be positive.

    I am so tired of saying...things will get better...for they haven't! They just keep adding up and adding up and are getting to the point where I'm hanging by my last thread. Am still being treated for depression thankfully, but unfortunately, there are more down days than up right now. Am tired of feeling 'tired and heavy' inside...tired of dealing with too much stress and having to function at work everyday...tired of being the 'fixer' of all things, tired of feeling like I'm living in limbo and waiting for a miracle to finally improve things.

    I'm sorry...I do feel very selfish posting here...and I'm not asking for prayers for there are many people much worse off than I am. I just needed to vent how I've been feeling. I am a strong believer in God...wish he'd give me just one little miracle.

    Thanks for listening.

    Kathie

    [This Message was Edited on 11/11/2004]
  2. MIssAutumn

    MIssAutumn New Member

    "For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.'"

    Kathie, I think we all at some time have felt like God has forgotten we are here. But what helps me is remembering what God has done for us. He gave his only Son to be crucified - the most horrible, painful death there is, for us. Do we need to keep asking Him to prove He is He?

    Christ on the cross asked why had God forsaken Him.

    Look at Job, he lost everything in one day!! Faith in God is what we are here to learn. Going through these trials is when our Faith is tested. It's easy to say we believe when things are going great for us. But, to have our Faith mature we have to go through trials. It says in the Bible we are not to be surprised when we are tested. Just trust in God. He has His plans for us.

    He does answer our prayers but it is in His time and with His wisdom, not ours. We cannot dictate to God what He should be doing for us. Pride is one of the worse Spiritual stronghold we can have, and beleive me I fight it daily ! We have to trust in God. Tell Him what you are feeling. Job sure did LOL He told God he was bitter and angry. And God didn't strike him with a thunder bolt.

    I hope you can find some respite with all you are going through.
  3. MIssAutumn

    MIssAutumn New Member

    It took a few minutes to find it. From Romans 15:13

    "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy spirit."

  4. Lupian

    Lupian New Member

    you are about to see a crack of light in the dark. He has not forgotten you and you are about to see. :)
  5. sarahann61

    sarahann61 New Member

    Hi Blue,

    You have a full plate, its overfilled . God doesnt expect you to fix anything. He wants us, to just have faith & depend on him..

    I have always prayed when I had a problem but ,In the mean time, I would be trying to fix it.

    That has got me into more trouble, someone might tell you their problems but, they dont want you to fix it.

    My kids especially,I just wanted them to be happy & if they werent happy, then I wasnt either.

    I was a big worrier, about my family, thought every Mother, that loved her kids ,was suppose to worry.

    If one of them wasnt home when they were suppose to, they had a accident, or something bad . Couldnt understand how my husband could go to bed, regardless, of what was going on.

    After they had grown I realized ,that worrying is a sin. It was giving evidence to the world ,of my lack of faith. I did pray for them cont.

    GOD DOES ANSWER ALL OUR PRAYERS, HE SOMETIMES WAITS AND HE SOMETIMEs SAYS NO.

    The things I have prayed for and, didnt feel they were answered, in the way I wanted, or not at all.
    But now looking back ,I can see were it was best.

    We needed to sell a lake house ,that we had fixed up.But we couldnt , until we finally, owner financed it. We thought, we had to have all the money, quick. But, I have figured how much we would have made with cash and getting 10% interest over a period of time. I was amazed at how much money we will make in all.

    When your broke and out of a job $400 a month, sure didnt seem like much. The Lord blessed us thru it all, my husband found a job, with a better retirement plan, and the arthritis stayed under control and ,I was able to work for about 4 more years

    I dont know what your problems are but, I do know our God is able to solve them, I know you have faith, you are just having, a bad day. Try to rest ,your heart and soul, in the Lord and, let him lift, this heavy burden, from you.

    Your Friend In Christ,

    Sarahann
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    If we were, we wouldn't need God. He knows that we get discouraged and sometimes feel abandonded. We are only human. We cannot help how we feel. Our feelings are valid. The first step is to recognize we are feeling this way. Admitting our failings to God and asking His help is helpful.

    I look at it this way. When our babies are learning to walk, we want to pick them up every time they fall, but we don't because they need to learn how to pick themselves up and try again. Sure, God could come running and perform miracles for us every time we have problems here, but we wouldn't learn anything in this Earth school. I believe we are here to learn and grow in spirit.

    Please don't worry about how you are feeling right now. It is normal. Pray for God's help. He is watching over you and His angels are helping even though at times, it doesn't seem like it. Even Jesus asked the Father why He had forsaken Him.

    Love, Mikie
  7. Blue_Heron

    Blue_Heron New Member

    for your responses, they are so much appreciated. I am still hanging in there and I know that God has helped me do that. Just to let you know, one of my favourite poems is called 'Footprints'...I'm sure many of you know it well.

    I know I have not been forgotten, for if I had been, I never would have come this far already. My only wish is that one little positive thing would finally happen...I guess in good time it will.

    Thank you again for your responses...there are good people on this site and I'm sending hugs out to all of you.

    Love,

    Kathie
  8. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    Praying for you this morning. I get discouraged to being sick all the time, who wouldn`t. Its a hard way to have to live. Just keep the faith, God is there with you.

    Blessings,
    Sandy
  9. MIssAutumn

    MIssAutumn New Member

    I sure hope things have gotten better for you. We all need God. The only perfect person was Christ and He still greatly depended on His Farther to guide him. Praying you will receive his blessings of Peace, total trust and Faith.
  10. Sunrise

    Sunrise New Member

    Dearest Kathie, we all feel overwhelmed at times...

    Life sure does have it`s ups and downs...

    When we have those ups we can surely thank the Lord for them...

    When we have those downs it surely tests our faith...

    I`m so thankful for my faith, I can`t imagine life without it....

    Miracles do happen if you truely believe in them.....

    I love to say that over and over in my mind, I do believe...
    I do believe...I do believe...

    Remember The Wizard of OZ that was truely a great story of faith and of course of having it all along and not truely knowing it. I don`t think many people catch that in that story and also in their lifes...

    Things are already better for you because you are a fixer of things...

    God bless you and Happy Thanksgiving, Sunrise
    [This Message was Edited on 11/24/2004]
  11. Blue_Heron

    Blue_Heron New Member

    ...reading your response to my post, Sunrise, and yes, I am the 'fixer' of things...I've been hearing that for years now. To be honest, though, Sunrise, I'm tired...tired of fixing, tired of hoping, tired of coping and am selfishly waiting for even one little positive thing to come my way. My faith in God is as strong as ever, and even on days when I question it, it is always there. When I was younger I remember being angry at God for taking my dad away from me when I was only 8 months old...he died in a plane crash, leaving behind a 23 year old widow and an infant. I remember making up stories of what my mom, dad and I did on weekends when I was in elementary school. I remember fantasizing about having a complete family...and I remember hating Father's Day as I always had to make Father's Day gifts with the rest of my class. I'm now 38 and oddly enough feel closer to my dad than ever. I know he has helped me through some tough times, my life has been very difficult since February 2001...which all seemed to be set off by an intense feeling of grief for losing him. Ironically, it took 34 years for the grief to hit me and when it did, I hit rock bottom...I remember driving to work every morning crying hysterically as though I had just lost him. My life has changed drastically since then, I'm still battling depression which feels like its escalating again...however I did leave an abusive marriage after 12 years, I have bought my own condo, I lost my job of 14 years in 2002 but have since found another one and am managing at that as well. I have made positive steps and I know that, but I am just so tired of struggling...my finances are going down the toilet and I don't know how long I'll be able to hold onto my home. I have remarried to a wonderful man but he can't work right now so my salary is supporting two adults and my two daughters and my ex husband stopped paying child support in February which did not help matters.

    Please don't get me wrong, I know I could be much worse off and there are many here who need your help and prayers more than I do. Like I said before, I just want a tiny positive...one little break from the pressure and stress that is pulling me down yet again. I went off my depression meds last week due to lack of money and have tried to replace it with St. John's Wort as it's cheaper...hopefully that will start to help soon too.

    I'm sorry for the book and the complaining...I had originally started to post just to thank everyone for caring enough to respond but my fingers took over from there!

    I will finally end this book...but want to send hugs out to everyone here...you are good people and I cherish your words of encouragement.

    Kathie


  12. fairqueen

    fairqueen New Member

    I'm fairly new here and just saw your post. I feel as though I need to respond.

    I've been where you are in my Christian walk. I'm a "fixer" and it has taken me a long time to really understand that, even though I've heard it all my life, GOD IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL. He sees the big picture and knows exactly how to take care of us, if we let him. God doesn't move away--we do. He is always there with us. I'm no different than you are. I, too, have times when I feel alone, abandoned--sometimes it's even hard for me to pray. But, God is ever faithful. He is always with us. I am reminded of the poem "Footprints in the Sand" where a man dreamed that he was walking across the sand with the Lord, watching scenes from his life. During many scenes, he noticed two sets of footprints-his and the Lords. But, during some of the worst times of his life, he saw only one set of footprints. He wondered why the Lord had forsaken him. The Lord told him that "when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

    I don't know why God ALLOWS certain things to happen to us. My husband says that life is a test. I think he may be right. During the worst times of our lives, we need God the most. And, he won't forsake us--he won't forsake you. All you have to do is ask. Yes, the answer may be "no", but He, in his infinite wisdom, has a reason for His answers. God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for all of our sins. Please remember that you are loved and that He cares for you. "God, please be with blue_heron. Help her in her struggle with her health and let her know that you care about all of her problems--no matter how small they may seem compared to other's problems. Please give her strength to deal with her illness. And, Father, if it is your will, please heal her. Pleae let her remember that she is deeply loved and is never alone--that you are always there with her. Put your loving arms around her and keep her safe. I ask these things in your Holy Name. Amen."

    Jan