Like "Who Am I" I am not the person I used to be. Somewhere along the line I lost everything good about me. I can't remember anything, I can't think. I was an overachiever. I thrived on stress. I enjoyed pressure. I was attractive and confident. I could go on & on about my accomplishments. The point is I don't even like myself now. I hate who I have become but I am powerless to change. That REALLY bugs me. I was always so responsible and took care of everything. (No, I don't want people to care for me, I hate feeling powerless and weak). I am soooo not looking for sympathy or encouragement. I am NOT having a pity party. It just is what it is. I just want to have the energy to care. For years I thought I was depressed although I knew it was not psychological. Now I know that it is not I can stop searching for doctors and having tests but that won't make me care. I have a million reasons to care but I just am too bone tired to care about anything. I have always had all kinds of pain but never even put it together because it is the bone crushing tiredness that is destroying me. I am so ANGRY. I take Wellbutrin and Abien and that makes it manageable ( also Vitamin D, although I see no difference). I want so badly to stop just waiting for the day to get over with. Hoping for the next day to be a better one. Hoping to not have days where I am so weak I can barely get through the day; Feeling "stupid". There has got to be a way out of this!!! Why can't we find it?? As I read back through this I wonder what happened to my grammar and punctuation. thank God for spell check. It is a rambling run on...... but guess..... what I don't care.