i am like on my last nevre here. i have cried so much in the past few days i think i could flood a small city. i am in so much pain its beyond me. i dont even feel like i am in my own body anymore. whats worse is i dont know what it is or whats going to happen. the anxiety is killing me. the appointment i have been waiting for for almost a month is on thursday. thank god. i am so pushing myself to just last these 2 more days. i feel so alone. though i know i am not and have used this website and the suporrt room so many times. and have found great support here. its just not the same as having the same at home. the only people i can talk to about how i feel are my co workers which there are only 2 and only 1 really cares and my mother. which i hate to tell her because she worries so much like a mother should. and i dare not tell eaither of my granparents which have recntly given me medical scares where i was ready to jump on a plane. i feel like whatever this is is totaly ruining my life. and my marriage. but not this one. i guess at times but not when it really matters. i guess i am just venting endlessly babbleing. just needed to get some things out. i need a granny hug so bad it overwhelming. well i guess i ahve cried pissed and moaned enough. i hope that all is well with everyone. and that all who read this will add, venting,crying,pissing,and moaning and also add kind words for others. i wish u all the best and for those of u who have gone thru this for years and still hold your head up i send u the ut most respect and applause. u are strong for being able to handle all of this for so long and not loose it. be blessed and thanks for listening.