Doxy needs some serious hugs here.........

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Just as I thought would happen did!

    The mom of Cohen was served papers on Friday......my son ( father of Cohen )is filing to get joint custody of his son!

    You all were absolutley right this has NEVER been about Cohen with the mom, and her mom ( the other grandma )!

    I got a very disturbing message from the other grandma firday just after her daughter was served! My phone didn't give me the message until late last night so I got NO sleep after hearing the awful and heart wrenching things she said to me!

    She started off saying that she knows I knew about my son filing "to try to take Cohen away from them"! Remember my son is trying to get joint custody NOT take Cohen away from them!

    The message went on for a good few minutes while she proceeds to tell me that I cannot see Cohen ever again unless the court makes them, and that Iam a bit-- "Yes she called me the b word!

    She says that she has NO friends because they all stab her in the back and Iam just another one of the backstabbers!

    She say I should be ashamed of myself and that something really bad is going to happen to my son because bad things happen to evil people and he is evil !

    I want to add to those of you who might not be familiar with my story that I have tried my very best for 7 months now, to get along with the mom of Cohen and her mom,

    I have been supportive, in all ways.....I have let them vent, time and time again........they have bashed and bashed my son for not being there through the moms pregnancy.

    They also said that because my son wanted a paternity test to know for sure Cohen was his son....... to them was the same as calling her a wh-re....I have had to bite my tongue for seven long months while they belittled and bashed my son............

    I have done so because I knew if I were to ever try to rationalize the situation they would pull the plug on me seeing my grandson!

    They have said that if we want to see him it HAS to be at their house or we can't see him!( before she got served that is)

    My son refuses to be controled and manipulated and to have Cohen used as a weapon so he made the decision to go through the courts for visitaiton and joint custody!

    Now, here's the kicker................. when the mom of Cohen decided to file for child support and have my son served papers..........she never told me ahead or even mentioned it..........they just did it!.......... and I NEVER held it against them! I didn't get upset or mad at all nor did I treat them bad or say one harsh thing at all!

    But I guess they think I should have told them I knew he was filing, but just the day before she was served the joint custody papers,...... the other grandma told me and I quote " you and i have to stay out of this and let them ( my son and her daughter) settle things!

    I told her I agreed and that I felt like I have worked too hard to build a good repor with them to have this come between us!

    Well...... Iam just feeling so many emotions right now,,,a part of me is hurt, and part of me is mad and a part of me almost wants to laugh, because they are so incapable of being rational !

    Iam so sorry for this longgggggggg vent I am just over whelmed and have been for 7 months!

    I called a lawyer today, and gave her a brief summary of this situation and she said that" they are in for a rude awakening"!


    I truly do not want them to be hurt....... but how do you deal with people that are completly unreasonable and not capable themselves of taking any responsibility to be flexible or bending in a situation such as this.........


    Thanks for listening

    XO
    Doxy
    [This Message was Edited on 07/03/2006]
  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Not a good Grandmother....not balanced......please save anything like this that you can. Your son can use it in his court case. Shows the type family raising the little boy.

    So sorry this happened. Protect Cohen and all of yourselfs....inclusing the new love in your sons life. She sounds like a great gal..........Susan
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    pronto...exchanges can be taken placed the police station...that is what i had to do....for awhile....until the ex woke up some about the gf. now gone...

    you have the ball in your court...she was stupid to leave a message like that...i hope she puts it in writing as well..

    you both may be able to put a restraining order against the mother or the grandmother...

    they can not legally w/hold court order child visitation w/the father unless there is very good cause...he doesn't have records...it is difficult to legally w/hold visitation...unless there is alot of proof of like drug usage or several dui's...

    it sounds like the battle has begun....

    if they do not want him to see the baby...then he would have to agree to it....and then she would not recieve any child support...

    do they want him to sign off from all parental rights? then fine then she gets no money from your son....

    but your son would like to know his own son....and he has that right...it will all work out...just let them leave messages on you cell phone or email...then he can use it in court....

    it is against the law for you to record a conversation in the state of california w/o informing the other person...

    you could go file down at the police station for an emergency restraining order....

    write down on a log of dates and times...and the conversation...


    it sounds like they have just asked for ugly and it need not go there....

    what the heck did they think...she was going to get free money for 18 years from your son? that is not how it works in california....

    i had to let my son go stay at his father's home living w/that stripper(dancer)...he had been dx bipolar..and alcohol problem...he threaten to kill himself several times..but you know what it was not enough to disallow child visitations w/his dad....

    i always prayed cody would be safe....he was a scared 10 year old boy...who was being left home alone at night...i regret not calling the police to do a wellness check on him..that would have right then and there disallowed visitations at dad's home....

    anyways...cody didn't want me to call the police because he was afraid his dad would get mad at him...


    anyways...listen to your lawyers...write down your questions..to save money...this can get very expensive...

    i know here in marin county we have a family law center that is a non-profit,,it has attorney's to represent you based on you income....and they are very good...

    maybe there is somethinng similar like that in your county...

    i wish you luck with that other family...so sorry you all need to go through this ugly battle now...

    hugs

    jodie
  4. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Doxy,
    I'm so sorry to hear this.

    You deal just as your son has with serving court papers to get partial custody of Cohen.

    I'm sorry you are at the firing line end of all of this. Of course they are going to make it hard for you to see Cohen now.

    Much luck to all of you and I hope the court settles this quickly.

    Hugs,
    Faye
  5. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I someitmes wish I was NOT such a heart feeling person!

    I always have found it easy to put myself in other peoples shoes and have empathy for them, heck I have even put others in front of my feelings and needs just to try to keep the peace and harmony and it's times like these I am left asking myself why!

    .......but when it comes to someone having it for me.........."well" most people just aren't capable of being that giving and it hurts!

    I want to make it perfectly clear that I am in NO way talking about my family here on this board! I don't know what I would do without your never ending love and support it truly means the world to me!


    I too know somehow it will work out but I honeslty don't ever see the mom and her mom ever being able to get passed this they seem to have the type of personality and life that is incapable of forgiving others.......and being reasonable and mature

    I know for a fact they have had a lot of hurs in thier lives but Iam starting to see that some of it is truly indeed because of their attitudes and dispositions!

    I just know that right now my "cup runeth over" with pain and sadness, so I need to forget about them and their feelings for now and take care of me and supporting my son who needs and deserves it too!

    XO
    Doxy
  6. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Doxy hang in there! It will work out. I know you will get visitation and your son will too. The court will see through the BS.
  7. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    It sounds like they are just terrified of losing the baby themselves. People can be very irrational when afraid.

    I really don't understand why the mother and "her mother" are so freaked out about this. It is not that complicated, the daddy just wants permission to visit HIS child.

    If he gets joint custody, that may mean he can take the baby part of the time. If the mother was NOT prepared to allow that, maybe she should have thought about that before demanding child support etc.

    What is the h#%@ do they want??? Where did she think this would lead? Are they that ignorant....

    What is her problem, does she love you son and want to marry him? Were they seeing each other for a long time before she got pregnant?

    Just wondering, how old is the mother? She is acting like a 15 year old.
  8. Jamarz

    Jamarz New Member

    It is now the evening and I just signed on to the message board. I hope that you are feeling better and I am so glad to see all the support and love for you on this board. Lots of wisdom for you from many different avenues.

    Keep heart and mind focused on Cohen now. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. I think you went above and beyond to establish a caring, supportive and compassionate relationship with the other grandma and Cohen's mom. Just keep walking that walk even though they will cast stones at you because I firmly believe that God will bring you and your family through this.

    And as the sun is setting here in the Rocky Mountains, I hope that you won't be offended if I share one of my favorite verses from the Hebrew Scriptures:

    "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
    because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,
    for His compassions never fail. They are new every
    morning; great is His faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23 NIV

    Hugs from God to Doxie.

    Blessings and Shalom from Jan
  9. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    being a grandma that nothing can break your heart quicker than a sweet grand baby, and conditions around them..Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and know that all will work out well for you and your son.

    Be strong!
  10. angellwolffe

    angellwolffe New Member

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you hun. We're on your side fighting with you. Angell
  11. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I broke down!:(

    I tried to keep it inside......

    I get really quiet when I'm sad and my husband kept asking me "what's wrong baby"( he knows me too well)............

    I feel so embarassed that I just broke down right in front of him, and everyone else in the restaurant!

    I'm sure not too many saw me so upset, but it honestly felt like I was on a stage and everyone was looking at the cry baby doxy!

    I want to be strong, but my heart is not right now!

    I guess they have succeded if they( the other grandmother and her daughter0 were trying to break my heart!

    I just can't believe how cruel some people are!

    My husband tried to console me and tell me "you are a GOOD person.........and because of that everything will work out"

    I'm so happy that he is trying to help make me feel better but..........Iam just worried what they might pull next!

    I know too well when people that are manipulative and controlling feel like they are losing control they can do some really WRONG things!

    Iam also very concerned for Cohen's well being!

    Honestly............. I don't know if he is really safe being cared for by the other Grandmother!

    She is so abusive to her other grandson( she takes care of both he and Cohen 40+ hrs a week) who is only 2,

    I have witnessed first hand, her pulling his hair, hitting and jerking him around, and yelling uncontrollably at him for normal things little 2 year old babies do and when the poor little boy can't stop crying.................. because of her being so mean she belittles him and tells him how bad he is and that she is ashamed of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She says to me " I know it looks like Iam mean, but he does not listen, and I have to be like this to get him to behave"!

    However.........when I talk to this little boy nicely he responds so well to me........... and she gets angry with me and says "you cannot be nice like that to him it just doesn't work"!

    I do not agree with that at all!

    I can tell the little boy is just scared to death of her and he tries to get away from her, and cries for his mom...........

    the mom of her other grandson has NO idea she treats her son this way!

    But...........my point is "will she do this to Cohen too"?

    Can you all see why Iam a wreck?

    Please pray with me that little Cohen, and POOR little Johnathon will be safe and GOD will work a miracle to keep them safe from this cruel person!

    Thank you for being my rocks!

    XO
    Doxy

    [This Message was Edited on 07/04/2006]
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    you could always call the police or have your son call and ask for a wellness check......

    i know this is not what you or your son wanted...to have horrible battle....

    i do not get why they are so sick,,,,

    i guess we can only pray that god will show them love and kindness to their fellow man....or children for that matter...

    i feel for you..


    lots and lots of hugs

    jodie
  13. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Doxy,
    If the mother of Cohen wants child support from your son, she needs to understand that you all will want to see Cohen and be with him and no matter what, you all have the right to have time with him. He is your blood grandson and your son's son.

    So it seems the mother and grandmother are afraid that Cohen will love you and your family more than them. That is just ignorant.

    Well one day in the next 3 or 4 years, I guess I'll be a grandmother and I'm not worried if the child will love me more or less than Vicki's mother. I'll just be kind and try to share part of me with the child and hope the child turns out to like me, but I'm not going to "bribe" or try any "war" type of thing to buy the child's love, that's for sure.

    I want to be loved for who I am not for what I can give to the child. That is the way I feel. I'm sure it is the way you feel too.

    Doxy, just be yourself when you are with Cohen. That is all you will need to do. Cohen's feelings towards you all or the other set of grandparents are going to eventually be up to Cohen.

    Yes, I can see why you are a wreck thinking about how that other grandmother treats the other grandchild. With your kindness you can offset that possibly. That is a terrible way to be to a child the way that other grandmother is.

    If you ever witness any physical cruelty to Cohen by that grandmother you can call up Social Services to check on her and the treatment she gives her grandchildren.

    Shalom,
    Faye
  14. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Many hugs and prayers for you and your family, Doxy, that this whole mess works out well for you and especially for the best for little Cohen.

    Peace,
    Beth.
  15. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    I can not imagine your pain. My original thoughts of a response to you left when I read about how the other Grandmother treats her other Grandson.

    You sound as if you are a person with so much empathy and so much to give. In this situation, you are going to have to change and fight for your Grandson.

    No child deserves to be treated the way the "other' grandchild is being treated. Not only is it your sons & your right to see and love your grandson, it is now your duty to fight for him and to keep him away from abuse.

    I am so very sorry that your family is having such a difficult time. Please take care of yourself but please take care of the little one. Cohen can't take care of himself.

    Gentle hugs to you and your family.

  16. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Sending you a big hug and Lots Of Prayers...Situations like yours are terrible..Have been thru so much with my granddaughter and the two little greatgrans..I can relate to your heartache..

    Hug and Prayers,
    greatgran
  17. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I hope the lawer told you to save that tape.You may need it for court if they try to keep your grandson away.

    Also always let them leave messages on your phone and try not to ansewer it if you know its them.
    People like this do not fight fair so cover your but as offten as possible.

    I would also tell your lawyer you are afraid they might take him and leave town because of the threat.Dont take any chances.

    Your son should also keep records and always have a not relative as witness if he has to be around them.

    Im so sorry people do this stuff .Nobody ever wins and the child always gets hurt.

    Best advice- witnesses and dont even try to get through to them .let the courts handle it.They will only use things against you .

    I also think its a federal offence to threaten someone harm on the phone.Dont brush it off keep the evidence.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2006]
  18. hanna4175

    hanna4175 New Member

    ((((((((((((((doxy)))))))))))))))))))) im sorry you are having to go through this.. i went through a messy break up with my ex.. when my little guy was 2.. thank goodness i never married him!! i hope all will go well for you and the little guy..

    hanna
  19. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    LIKE CAlifornia, it is a crime to threaten someone.

    One of my coworkers was disbarred because he threatened his wife during their divorce.
  20. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    our state of california...

    i now she and her son have an attorney...so hopefully they will be able to follow through w/good advice....

    the mother can not keep the child away from dad unless there are good reasons...and even if he doesn not pay a dime for child support you still need to allow visitation to the other parent...maybe not the grandparents but the noncustodial parent...not sure if the laws have changed in the last few years...about the california grandparent rights..but my understanding there are non...only if one of the parents die...then they can set up a visitation schedule w/the custodial parent...

    because once you have all of these adults fighting for visitation rights...you are throwing the kids all over the map so to speak....

    but grandparents can see these children during the parents time allowed w/them..


    well i need to go divorce attorney myself here in a couple of hours..too modify child support..may need to do the visitation schedule as well i don't know what i am going to do about that one at this point...

    wish me luck..


    and doxy do not listen to their thearts, that is all they are...if they want child support then you son has rights to visitation...period...

    jodie