Doxy's need a hug update......................

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Feb 10, 2006.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    "No" the mom ot be didn't call me ...........and I have to be honest here....the tears havent stopped all day........there are just too many negative things going on at one time and Iam honestly finding it hard to get a grip...........but I'm not giving up!!!"NOT DOXY"! LOL

    I called my son last night and left him a message......telling him all of the things I needed to get off of my chest..........

    including how I realy need him to understand how "I" feel with this entire situation........

    I made sure I told him more than once how much I love him and that is why I love his son and want to be a part of his life................I told him that I am so afraid of losing the relationship we have over this .......and that my heart is breaking in two and being torn ...........

    I explained to him how the mom to be isn't calling me back and that I would really like to know why she went to so much trouble to find me and get me involved .........telling me Iam going to be a grandma and that she wants me to have the choice to be in their lives.........................why why why did she do that and NOW that Iam excited and attached to becoming a grandmother to Cohen matthew she is shutting me out????????

    Here is the GOOD part.........................

    My son said to me "Mom please stop worrying, please don't be upset...........just let me find out for sure it is mine and I will make sure "WE" get to see him!!!!!!!!!

    Did all of you catch that "WE" my son for the first time said "WE" will see him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My son said he is going to get visitation of his son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    THIS IS A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    He wants to see his son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Iam so relieved now I know even if the Mom to be shuts me out my son has reassured me that he WILL get visitation and he said I WILL SEE HIM FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!She can't stop my son from seeing his son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND that means Doxy will get to see her grandson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is not the way I want it..........Iam still going for the peaceful and mature road..........but if all else fails I now know I will see my Cohen Matthew!

    This is a BIG thing to me that my son is coming around.......and when he was ready to hang up he told me that he loves me so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Still very sad that I probably won't be called to the birth ............in fact it is going to be one of the hardest things to accept...................

    Thanks for reading my update..........

    Hugs
    Doxy


    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]
  2. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    Glad to hear that things are going better. Try not to be too upset if you are not invited to the birth. You said that the mother and your son dated only "briefly" and that "she went to so much trouble to find me", so I gather that the two of you don't really know one another all that well. I can understand why she would not want someone that she did not know well present while she was giving birth.

    Remember that there is a lot going on in this girl's life right now. Her parents may not be as happy about their impending grand-parenthood as you are. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that her intentions are good in whatever she does until/unless she proves otherwise.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]
  3. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    This is positive news sweetie!!!

    Oh yes....if the baby is your grandson...he will see the baby....and YOU too!!!

    This is so wonderful that your son is wanting this!!


    Keep us updated.

    Mari
  4. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    and the fact that your son wants to be in his son's life must be such a relief.

    Maybe you wont be at the birth but you will be in your grandson's life and that is what is important.

    I'm really happy for you.

    love
    Rosie
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    That some things are working better for you. Keep the faith up. Remember, you can only be there and available and keep calm and full of love and good will come back to you. I am so pleased your son did a bit of positive thinking on this and hopefully MTB will get back soon. Think about what I suggested about dropping her a positive little card.(I hope you do have her mailing address)

    Love Anne
  6. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I know it is hard but just give it time.

    There is no way to know what is going on, but time will tell.

    So far, you have done all you can do, hopefully you will hear from her soon.

    Worrying is just going to make you sick, so try to have faith all will turn out fine.
  7. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    Doxy,
    I'm sorry you are having all this stress on yourself in addition to the other bad things that have happened lately.

    I hope that if this baby is your sons you both will be able to get visitation rights to him. I don't see why not?

    Well it seems to me that the baby's mother would want your son to be at the birth. But you can't make her call you all. So I guess you'll have to wait for the paternity test and to make sure your son is the father.

    You surely have gone through enough the past 4 months or so, you don't need to go through anymore. Take care!

    Hugs,
    Faye
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    So glad to hear the positive news!!!!

    Hugs,
    Janet
  9. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Iam doing my best to let go ................right now that baby has brought so much happiness into my heart I can't even put it into words .......I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me!

    BUT.Iam a strong person ( I have to be look at all the things I gp through CONSTANTLY ) anyhow seems like when I let go of things that is when they change???????

    Thank you for caring....I WILL keep you posted!!!!!!!!

    Love
    Doxy
  10. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    how are you doing?

    i thought for sure that i posted last night maybe i forgot hit the enter buton...

    basically i just wanted to kjnow maybe she doesn't want to get your hopes too high until after the birth of the baby...maybe she has some doubts who the father is herself....or maybe she thinks that she is being prejudged in her own mind that you will all think she has a possible father....

    i know you are not prejudging her...but she is probably confused about the situation herself....on how to really handle it all....and maybe she doesnt even want her own mother in the birthing room herself...just a very private affair...i kmow i didnt' want my mother in there...only my husband...i know things are a more open to the family coming in the birthing rooms but i just really didn't want to be on display for everyone's entertainment....

    as for grandparent rights doxy, you can look them up on the internet...and based on the info you really haven't established a relationship w/this child yet, kinda of difficult to to do that now anyways....but also your osn and her are not married...it would be a big fight...if it turns out that it is your son's child i would just plan on spending time with the child when your son has visitations....it will be complicated for a while it think because of the child's age and if the mother is breastfeeding she will need the baby to do so...and she can fight that easily i am sure...but i am sure she will want yu over to visit and may very well want another grandmother in her child's life...

    you son has came around he just needed some time to get adjusted to the situation...and time will tell on the paternity...

    let's not jump the gun too quickly...the mother to be may need some space and if she was like me i felt like crap and hurt and tied...i was in the hosipital the last month not to mention my father threw me out of thier home during a winter storm...while my husband was here in california goint to an emt school for the coastguard...my dad is alittle nuts....i could go on and on about that...anyways we don't truly know what is going on with her life...and alot of us will where many faces and pretend all is ok...


    i would encourage your son if you can to put a call out to the mother to be...and extend an offer to see if she would like him at the hospital when she goes into labor...i know that is a really touchy sitiation...i can understand him not wanting to be in the labor room anyways but then to do it and then find out he is not the father...whew....

    but maybe it would be nice if he could extend that he would be willing to be present after the baby is born... and wait outside the room to findout the details about the baby....

    and say somthing like if he knew 100% that this baby was his or he was married there wouldn't be anyway they could keep away from experience the birth of his child...

    enuff said...i know this is such a deep situation.....

    take care of yourself and let your higher power take care of your needs...


    jodie
  11. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I had a very emotional weekend .....trying to be strong but it is hard to control what I TRULY feel inside.......................... and that is a lot of hurt!

    My husband and I drove by here house to see if maybe she is just out of town............and she was home.........my husband says "well that shoots down that theory"! and my heart just sank.............you know how you always want to hold on to hope!?????????????

    Iam going to try my best to just let go and see what happens.................if nothing else I now know that my son WILL get visitation so I can see my grandbaby!

    I just wish that the Mom to be would have never contacted me if she really didn't want me in Cohens life..........why would anyone with a heart want to do that to someone??????I think what she did was mean and heartless!

    My heart is on a roller coaster ride............through this and now I feel like she built me up just to let me down!

    Thank you all for your posts and for caring...............if anything changes I will let you know!

    Hugs
    Doxy
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i am proud of you and your husband...you got out there...that took guts....

    i don't understand her reasoning for not returning your call...if i remember correctly you mailed her a note.

    atleast she could have called and said she is not much up to eating out...

    i guess you have gone more than the extra mile for her...but your son will get visitations with his son...the courts do not like to keep the children away from their biological parents...as my divorce attorney ant the county mediator told me it takes more than one dui to keep the visitations away from the father...

    i have read and seen on tv on good reasons of not to have a visitation take place with the children...but it does because it is required by law for that parent...you son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders so it will happen soon...

    if there is anything i can do for you let me know doxy...you have been there for me in a time in need....

    your friend with a big heart and hug for you


    jodie
  13. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Thank you for being here for me!

    I am having a very hard time with this! Last night my husband took me out to dinner and the hostess was a young girl that was pregnant.......kind of reminded me of my grandsons mom............and it really got to me!

    Iam trying so hard to just let go .................but I was so so so so happy just thinking about being at the hospital when he is born..............now I may not see him for months.......................Iam MISSING out and it hurts...............................!!!!!!!!!!

    Anything you can say to encourage and lift me would be so appreciated ...............Iam not a "happy camper" right now!

    Love you
    Doxy
  14. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    about the pregnant thing...i know you had quite a few misscarriages if i recall correctly...i had only one myself and after i had to go in the hospital...one of the first people to come and see how i was doing was a husband and wife, well you guessed it she was pregnant...it just seemed for a while that everyone i looked at was preganant...

    so for you future possible grandchild, try not to jump the gun ...alll i know there could be so many reasons why she is not getting a hold of you...

    i just wonder if she is having some doubts herself on the father of the baby...but i would think that she wouldn't have called and tell you unless she knew in her heart of hearts that if was you son's child...

    have you tried to talk to your son to see if he would be willing to call the young lady? maybe she would be willing to talk to him to atleast make sure that she lets him know of the labor....i think because we are women and you know how we love to try hard and keep family togehter maybe more than we should at times...

    maybe she would respond with kindness if he called..if he uses the approach that he wants to be able to say he was at the hospital when the child was born..he would regret that if he was not there for the birth and if it is his he doesn't want to look back that he missed out on the actual birth...and if it turns out that it is not his then he can say he was there to support a friend and a new life on this earth....

    if they could do the a test while inuterine to test the dna that would be wonderful...but i do not know for sure that they can...may be too risky?

    can or is your son willing to contact local child support services,(da to find out if he can get the dna started), or does he have to wait for the mother to file the paperwork to have the county do it>>>i am almost positive that the county or state pays for this service....

    hugs t you

    i am here if yo need me or we could go to chat room if you need to..

    post at my jodie reply...

    you big hugger friend