Dr Called me and my mom is declared mentally incompetant

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rene, Aug 16, 2006.

  1. Rene

    Rene New Member

    A Dr called tonight and told me my mom is mentally incompetant. He said it may not be permanant. I didn't know what to ask as I wasn't prepared for his call and it was about 6pm.

    What do I do now? What should I ask? Has that happened to anyone you know?

    Thanks,
    Rene
  2. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    Sorry about your mother. Did the physician appoint you medical surrogate? If you do not want this responsibility do you have brothers or sisters you would be willing to do it.

    I mean you make all medical decisions for you mothers health care and it is a lot of responsibility but not really that bad. I like it because I know exactly what is going on with my mother because nothing can be done without my permission.

    Did you talk to the social worker at the hospital?

    I was appointed when that happened to my mother after she was ill and had been in hospital for a while and she is now in a long term care facility where she can be looked after properly.

    Sending you good thoughts,

    Karen :)
  3. DorothyVivian

    DorothyVivian New Member

    If you have seen your mom recently, how would you describe her condition? And how well do you know this physician? (It's quite rare now for elderly persons to be declared mentally incompetent without adequate medical and legal review, but just to be sure the doctor doesn't have some sort of devious agenda, you need to be sure your mom is not being 'railroaded'by a greedy relative or even worse, by a greedy 'friend'or acquaintance.)

    Believe me, such attempts of fiduciary abuse (financial) of elders is more common than most people realize! And as your mother is your parent, you will want to be clear about the specifics of her condition before simply signing off for commitment or institutionalization. Although this may seem unlikely, it is possible she is being over- medicated or medications are being used to sedate her and give the appearance of her being incompetent. If you have sufficient rational and reasonable doubts about this possibility, it may be a good idea to get another opinion from another doctor--preferably one specialzing in geriatric medicine. And, if you can do so, it might be wise to consult an attorney specializing in Elder Law. (Most mid-size cities have several elder law attorneys available.) You do not want to learn later on that your mom might have been spared an unnecessary institutionalization. At the same time, if she needs the care of a board and care home or a skilled nursing facility, it will be good for you to have the knowlege necessary to know you made the best decision for her well-being.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this confusing and painful ordeal. I know how difficult this can be for you as I faced similar choices in the case of my terminally ill mother. I hope you'll keep us informed about what you learn and what resources you find to help you sort things out--when you get the chance. I wish you the best!

    With love, Dorothy[This Message was Edited on 08/16/2006]
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    You need to have a attorney help you take over health and financial power of attorney. If you start handling the financial please keep impeccable records.

    Eventually, if she has to be converted to Medi-Cal for healthcare, they will want to see where every penny was spent in the five years prior to applying for Medi-Cal.

    We eventually sold her house and all the money went towards her "assisted Living" home. She loved it there and is now in a nursing home for skilled nursing care. We still hire extra caregivers to take care of her where she is now. They had cared for her at the Assisted Living place.

    We went through this with my mother and I knew what we had to do. My husband just mailed Medi-Cal a huge box of receipts. He is a compulsive record keeper and this is one time I am not complaining.
  5. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    You need to get POA on your mother and emergency Guardianship. That way you can make all decisions pertaining to her.

    As stated in a previous post be careful. My husband got into this with his mother. A shrink that had seen my MIL called my husband and said that she was mentally incomptent and that if my husband did not get emergency guardianship that the state would take over. We where in court on New Years Eve getting this done. My MIL was in the Mental Health Ward, she got very upset and was very abusive to my husband, she went as far as calling the police on him. When I called and asked it they could make her quit calling. She was calling about every 15 mins. They told me that they could not it would enfringe on her patient rights, could we just not answer the phone.

    A few days later the Dr. calls and says I am discharging her there is nothing wrong with her. Needless to say this put a strain on a already strained relationship. My MIL was never really a mother or grandmother. My husband was an only child so it all fell on him.

    I would ask lots of questions. Why does he think this? What has caused it? What do I need to do now?

    Pleas keep us posted.

    God Bless, Pam
  6. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother's mental condition. I pray it is short lived.

    Mayline is right, you need to get a POA, but there are two kinds, medical and financial. Make sure you get both.

    Good luck!
  7. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi I've read every word of your replies and thanks for the help. I'm really weak so will keep short.

    I DO believe shes incompetent. She is in the best hospital. I think with her age and all the meds shes on and all the trama. She wants to go home where her care isn't the best. I've told the drs that.

    He said it its probably not permanate. Thank God he said she'll be there til next week. I feel sorry for her and her pain.

    Sorry for the short reply but I'm weak.
    Rene
  8. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    Please listen carefully to what Dorothy has just told
    you. I have an older Sister 69 yrs. that has had cog-
    nitive disability since birth. Another sister and her
    husband recently had her change her will which involves
    hundreds of thousands of dollars of funds willed to her
    for her care by my parents! They waited until my older
    Brother passed away last year to make their move.

    They have set up a "LIving Trust" with themselves as bene-
    ficiaries all done behind the backs of we other siblings!
    I'm looking at a long and costly battle ahead to protect
    my Sister's assets and unturn what has been done. My older
    Brother had Powerof Attorney but it was not enough upon
    his death to ward off the advances of my Bro. in-law and
    2nd Sister!! Suggest strongly that you get a CONSERVATOR-
    SHIP in order to eliminate this happening to you.

    Please act NOW if you can,
    MRDAD
  9. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Hi - I am sorry to hear more bad news about your mom. It is good the Dr said it may not be permenent.

    Mom had a break down of sorts in the nursing home and attacked a nurse, tried to strangle her.

    They sedated her and sent her to the psych unit at the hospital. They were talking about shock treatment but she finally came around. At one time she was over medicated but now they her straightened out.

    I know your mom wants to go home but that may not be possible. Talk to the social worker and see what they can do.

    I know how stressful this is for you, I will pray for you to have the strengh to get thru this- Carla
  10. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi yes I have power of attorney already. The drs are looking out for her safety. She will go to a nursing home next week for about 6 weeks.

    She has to have iv treatment that long.

    I asked for the evaluation cause she wants to go home and I don't want her to cause I want her to have better care as she has been hospitalized 3 times with 2 surgeries since March!

    Only good thing out of the whole thing is we don't have to go to court for my moms abuse but then the creep gets away with it. But I don't think we'd win anyway as she imagines things and its documented.

    I worried myself to death over having to go to court and see that creap. We were supposed to go next week.

    Thanks all you guys are the best.
    Rene