Drinking husbands...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by roseylisa, Oct 21, 2006.

  1. roseylisa

    roseylisa New Member

    How many have husbands that drink to much? Mine thinks he needs to drink after work to relax but the more he drinks the more "Opinonated" he gets! He doesnt go to the bars just drinks at home which he thinks I should be greatful for! The tension I feel about it doesnt help with the fibro flare ups!
  2. springlakeorphan

    springlakeorphan New Member

    Dear Roseylisa
    I was married to a man who drank too much. It got to be a little more thru out the years.To say to you that you should be greatful he doesn't hang out at the bars is PLAIN WRONG!!I cannot lecture you on alcholisim abuse because I don't know all of your circumstances.But just because he may not be physical doesn't mean he's not abusive.The only advice I can share with you is alanon.Please check it out for your own sanity and your childrens sake. You will learn as much there on drinking as you do here about fibro and cfs.
    My prayers are with you. I know how tired you are and probably don't have the strength to follow through with this but the first step is a phone call.God bless and take care. please keep us posted. Mary
    [This Message was Edited on 10/21/2006]
  3. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    After growing up around people that had alcohol issues, or that couldn't handle their alcohol I developed a distinct dislike for the stuff. To me it = heartache & violence.
    My husband did not drink AT ALL when I met him & is now only a social drinker.
    He's gotten very drunk a couple of times over the years & is to much of a handful for me. He weighs nearly 100kgs & a while back he weighed well over that. (He's never laid a hand on me, just fell down here & there & I couldn't get him up again.)
    I've told him that if it ever happens again he will literally be out the door & he knows it.
    I'm sorry you have to put up with this.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/21/2006]
  4. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    If he gets opiniated-he is getting himself intoxicated. A relaxing beer or two at the most- is relaxing after work. More than that is not. To become opinionated when drinking is often a telltale sign that there is more to it than relaxation.

    If you feel tense there is a problem, I am sorry about your situation. Only you know if you want to live with it, and if you don't, find support somewhere and advice on which direction to take.

    My son's father drank too much, when my son was born I asked him if he had to choose between the bottle and his son- which would he choose. he answered the bottle. I told him he had to leave.

    If he continues his personality will just worsen, alcohol does this to the brain and the personality.

    Many hugs!

  5. joanng

    joanng New Member

    The only requirement is that you're affected by someone else's drinking and it sounds like you are. I've been a proud member of this loving family for 19 years and I don't live with active alcoholism anymore but I do live with a sober one. Either way, they can offer you some support. AND you will be surprised how many people in those rooms suffer from fibro. I wonder if there is a connection. This program has helped me put the focus on myself, take better care of myself (that doesn't always make the alcoholic very happy) and I believe it has helped me with my fibro. I put my health first. When he's acting up (yes, even sober alcoholics can be obnoxious) I take myself out of the "ring". I don't spar with him anymore. I walk away, take the dog for a walk, go to my yoga class, anywhere to keep my serenity in check while he is whirling out of control with anger (over a spoon being in the wrong drawer or something stupid). Anyway, I have made life long friends there (and here too!) so give it a try. It's free! Good luck.
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    When i married in 1080 I married a man who went to the bar every night of the week and on the weekends as well. I learned very fast that the stress of his drinking was making me ill.

    He does not remember the horrid things that he did to me and to the girls. LIke the time I went in to false labor and could not get him out of the bar and had to have a friend take me to the hospital and to this day my husband does not believe me that it ever happened.
    Life is so hard when you are the one who does not drink and I didn't and still don't. I thought that a drink now and then didn't matter but it did.. and does.

    I was not raised around any one who went out and drank at a bar or even had a beer. And I learned fast that my husband went to thet bar when ever he could not deal with the bills, and he would get wasted and then come home and be sick and tell me how sorry he was about it and it would not happen again.

    It took several years for him to stop drinking. But he has lost years of memeories and does not rememeber things that were important to the family and he does not remember so many things that were important to our girls.

    I was the one who went to counseling for alocholic's and it helped me to understaned things. But you have to be the one to accept how he acts and deal with it the best way you can, go to alanon and find a group that can help you learn to live with this and not become someone that is co- dependant.
    It took me so long to learn that I was sick and it was not colds but major things female problems, phemumonia, surgery and so much more. And I was stressed so much of the time that I didn't want to be around him at all.

    Now that he has stopped drinking he still has the mentalitiy of some one who drinks . When he gets stressed he used to go to the bar and now he will leave the house and go and talk to a friend instead of talking it out with me.

    Try to get him to talk and find out why it is that he drinks. BE happy and learn to love you as you are a good , wonderful person.
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    was a heavy drinker for over half a century. Eventually his mind turned to mush (Korsakoff's syndrome) and he could not recognize family members.

    Of course it really didn't matter since no one wanted to visit him anyway.

  8. gypsy101

    gypsy101 New Member

    says, "Let go or be dragged!" Love that line! I'm divorcing my alcoholic! Whoo-hoo!
  9. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    If you think there is a problem... there probably is!

    My guy has been clean and sober for 9 years. He had 3 dui's when I met him and was facing a prison sentence if he didn't straighten up. It took a 3 month treatment program and alot of strength from the man upstairs. He spent 5 years on probation, payed thousands in fines and lost his licence for 5 years.

    ala-non is a great program. My first husbund was a drunk who couldn't get or stay sober. I divorced him.

    Get the support you need to take care of you, you can't control his drinking but you can get support for you.

    Love and hugs.. dona
  10. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    bipolar & borderline personality.

    and i am bummed today, because tomarrow would've been our 20th year wedding anniversary.

    but if they won't get help, you need to save yourself from their self infliction and not bring you down.


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