drop in guests.........

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Nannibel, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. Nannibel

    Nannibel Member

    Connecting with others with this DD creates alot of stress period! People can't often "see" the disease, and unfortunately I don't often admit my health issues to people in general, especially people I don't consider close friends or family. I think alot of the problems would be solved if people in general would feel like I do..that to invite yourself to anything, including someone's home, even if you happen to be in the area, is not polite. I'm sure if I looked up in an etiquette book that drop in guests, especially without calling, is impolite... but last minute notices can be stressful even for people who aren't dealing with a chronic illness. It does help to look at these situations as just people who care about you and want to see you but sometimes I think there are other motivations. Why is it that my kids who are in a NY apt. are getting so many out of town guests?? They never had them in other towns they lived. Unfortunately our children are afflicted also with this DD. We are fortunate to have a summer place in a vacation spot. We thought we could just sit and be sick and relax. Now overnite we are always getting hints from casual friends and also family that they want to visit us there. I feel as if I'm forced now to have to explain we are too sick and I find this to be extremely stressful I don't want to have to explain this DD to anyone. especially I have to wonder....is it really they want to see us, or enjoy the many recreations etc. the area offers. These people never ask to visit in our other home, and now that I think of it they never ask to visit the our summer place with the area is off-season. I'm also starting to wonder if I come off with this DD as a pushover! I apologize for venting, but I am sure well people have these issues all the time with people and they can shrug if off easy. Like the other posts reveal, these situations can PWC'a stressed and alot sicker.
  2. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    I think you've done very well keeping your illnesses to yourself and not explaining to others.

    As far as family & friends wanting to visit you now that you've moved into summer spot you may need to just say you have other plans or just simply not up to visiting.

    Your post sounds like you do have it all figured out very well.
    Always keep in mind it's good to vent and we are here to listen.

    Wish you well
    Butterflydream
  3. stschn

    stschn New Member

    We've kept it to our self for so long the NIH is still saying it's all in our head. Aids got the help it needed when they got out there loud and clear and after 21 years of this DD and staying pretty much silent about it untill the last two I'm talking about it out in the open. We'll never get the help and research we deserve if we don't let people know it is a reall illness.
  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Even if I didn't have Fibro, I wouldn't be crazy about drop in's. I had a neighbor that used to 'pop by to bug you for a few hours". Yeah, to say the least.

    I've relaxed about it as far as family goes. They don't care what my house looks like, what I look like or if I'm wrapped in a blanket on the couch. They come to see me cause they love me. So they are always welcome.

    I must say I've fibbed quite often when friends call and immediately say "what are you doing?", it's the tone in which you can tell that they either want me to go somewhere or stop by. I immediately say I've got things to do, etc. Some of my friends STILL don't realize that I have no desire, or energy to go shopping, run errands with them etc.

    We used to want a pool. (have changed our minds), but one thing that entered our minds was how many people would be in my backyard on the weekends!

    I'd let people know that when it's a good weekend and you don't have plans, you'll be sure to extend an invitation. Maybe then they'll know it's 'by invitation only'. Put your foot down early, if you don't it's so much harder later.

    I would never pop in on someone. My best friend doesn't care, but I'd still give her a quick call on my cell - why drive all the way over if she's not home for one thing.
  5. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    I never been a fan of having people over at all much less when people just stop by unannounced. It drives me crazy. I would never ever just pop by someone's house so why do people do it to me? That I will never know, but I do not have a problem asking them to not do it again. I keep strange hours and do not live a "normal" life so sometimes when everyone else is getting out of work or starting their day, I am sleeping and when they stop by, they wake me up.

    So I'm with you on the drop in guest. I am also with you on the having a summer home so YOU can enjoy it. If people want a summer home, they should get one for themselves instead of using you for yours. It's one thing if they are invited by you, it's quite another if they ask. That's just rude. And I'm sure you are right that it would be listed in a etiquette book as improper! Don't let yourself feel guilty for saying no. If you are there to relax you should be able to do just that, relax!

    shananegans