Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by mscindy, Oct 9, 2007.
Hi! Wondering how it is going with the fam.
Thinking of you...Cindy
What a great surprise! You are sooo sweet - your inquiry made my day.
Familywise...I am trying hard to understand...but as you know it is so trying. My Mother supports my sister. My Dad and I are distraught over all of it. It seems my Mom feels I am a burden or nuisance because I am ill (CFIDS, FM all from brain injury 11+ years ago) - she shows here resentment to me and anyone who asks her to do anything other than what she wants to do...(This is so odd because growing up she was not anything like this - her family was the center of her world.)
Anyway, I am off the subject...my sister, as you know, supported her boyfriend being physically and emotionally abusive to me at my Mom's B-day party. I have never experienced this kind of hate from anyone - let alone family members. I was bedridden for days and I felt like I had been run over - it took a huge toll on me. This was not good because I had been ill for months already with a chronic fever (in and out of ERs) - so it was , needless to say, the last thing I needed.
No one needs to be shown how little they are loved - no one.
And I am very family oriented - so for me being close and caring for my family is 2nd only to God.
How are you doing? How do you manage the pain from the situation with your brother?
I'd truely need to hear how others manager the sadness and shock of being on the receiving end of this kind of thing.
Your friend in Christ,
Thank you again for writing to me - I only wish you knew how much caring and kindness mean to me.
[This Message was Edited on 10/09/2007]
"I think this time he needs to be prompted by God"
- when you wrote this - it was EXACTLY how I felt about my sister and her boyfriend. I just felt God was telling me to let her decide. Or maybe He wanted me to know who she is right know so I can protect myself...He is a loving Father and that is, in my mind, what a Father would do.
I have apoligized so much in the past and she never responds...
I was alone on my birthday. She send a text message of Happy Birthday. I never see or speak with her.
I know I'm not supposed to say this but - I am so ill that I think I worry that this will hit her after I am gone. I know, I know that is not the right way to think about it. But I am so protective and don't ever want anyone to be hurt or in pain because of me.
So, may I ask: How were we this past b-day? My son thinks I am 39, but I turned 49!!!
Are you married? Do you have kidlets?
Do you live alone? Are you managing a home as well, or apt?
The reason I am so NOSY is just to get a handle on your situation-the deal with your sis. Do you have other siblings?
This is my bio basically- Married at 39,(1st time for both of us) Got pg on my 40th b-day! (For real!) Have an 8 year old son who is such a joy to both of us. I have probably had FM since I was about 13 or so. My family thinks I'm a hypochondriac. They are better about it lately-I think my mom has become a bit enlightened about FM. I rarely tell anyone about my FM. I usually suffer in silence. I am about 50 lbs overweight-check out my bio photo. After work it is hard for me to even think about exercising because I am so beat and in pain. My 2 boys try to encourage me, and tell me how much better I will feel. I never really do feel better, but I know that it is good for me. My husband is quite supportive, altho sometimes they rag at me for not getting out and get moving. Mostly, I just want to take off my bra. That is the one thing that really bothers me (my chest). Well, then I don't want to be seen in the neighborhood like THAT. Go figure! Anyway, with the holidays coming up my anxiety goes up about how the days will be handled cuz we are so separate now. Like I said before, this time around my parents aren't really trying to get us together. I know it hurts my Dad, but since he was present for the big blow up, I know that he understands. Since my mom believes that my hubby and brother don't get along; it is better from them to stay away from each other. Actually, my husband really likes my brother-he is like a puppy and really doesn't understand the friction between them. My brother just needs a whipping boy, and makes it my hubby. They are both pretty opinionated, and both like to play "devils advocate" when talking, and my brother is ultra sensitive which is kind of a crock cuz he says WHATEVER he wants without editing to whomever he wants! Sorry for the run-on thought there...My other brother and his wife are missionaries in the mid-east, and they happen to be home on leave right now-for another 2 weeks. It really stinks because we don't have our usual family get togethers, and it's hard to schedule time together. Since I got married so late, my family was used to me being at their beck and call, and it is hard for them to get it that I have my own family now too. My mom thinks I should still see my brother et al without my husband, and that is NOT going to happen! We have always been the one to make up in the past; yes for my brothers lack of self control, but as I said-we're not going to anymore now. If he comes to us we will welcome a reconciliation with open arms. When my husband and I get teed of at one another we make up-we have a 3 minute rule anyway...We don't hold grudges. We have been in a situation where we had a kind of parting of ways with friends-one was just not wanting to be around some friends that were drinking and talking around all our kids NOT in a Christian fashion.(These are Jesus in the heart Christians I'm talking about) Eventually we all forgave and got on with life-My point is that these aren't even family members! We don't get into "fights" with our friends, and aren't around people who act so stupid and out of control!!! I just realized I am yapping away here, and I need to start waking kids up. (I'm a daycare director) I need to run now, but I hope I hear back from you, and I hope that you find a blessing in your day today! In HIM! Cindy
Hoping you read this!
Are you there?!
Thanks for your wonderful message!
I am 46 yrs old and have only one sister. I have a dog named Brinkley - she is the sweetest kindest most loving soul.
I have been sick for over 11 yrs - never married and no children. I would have loved the blessing of both and am always hopeful. I just never pictured my life this way...But I take comfort that God has a purpose for me.
Family - my parents and sister - are all I have. I alawys wanted a traditional relationship with my sister - very Brady Bunch thinking on my part. I love all the girl stuff - shopping, going to lunch, fashion etc. She has never been interested in me even when I have been very ill. And of late I realize it is more serious.
I always tried too hard with her - I am the oldest. I wanted to be there for her and thought we would have a close relationship as adults. But this did not happen. She is disinterested and worse allows me to be hurt (by boyfriend). I wrote another post about this whole difficult situation.
When I was very sick - she just didn't care ...I may never understand her because I am the type that cares too much about everything and everybody. I even worry about silly things. I am very sensitive and never want to hurt anyone - no matter what - so I don't defend myself well at times.
I have a nice home and I try my best to care for it - it is hard for me. I worry alot - like a little old lady...but I'm not (I hope).
I love to read. I have had a frustrating 2007 because for some reason I got really fed up with being sick and want answers. I know, in God's time - not mine.
I could go on forever - I better go - it's late here so I am off to bed. Talk to you again soon. Thanks so much for your message about your family. What a blessing your 8 yr old must be. I would love to hear about him...
[This Message was Edited on 10/12/2007]
As I read your note, this saying came to me. "We don't get to choose our family; only our friends." Think about if you would be attracted to your sister as a friend if you just met her. Does she have many friends? I understand you wanting to be close. I don't have a sister; but if I did, I would want the same. I have envy towards extended families that do everything together, and get along. I also wish for the imperfect family that occasionally argues, but makes up and gets on with it... We used to be a strong good mix of the two. We do have wonderful friends tho, and I thank God for them. We have spent the last several holidays with them which has been great! Altho I have sadness that we weren't with my kin; I was able to have stress-free holidays! Altho, I must say my heart carried quite a bit of anxiety over my family anyway. I guess that will never really change. About being single...Enjoy it! There are of course fantastic benefits to being married, and I do love my husband, but I was single until 39 and at times really miss my independence. All I ever wanted was to be married, and then I realized that being single was really a blessing too! Sometimes it is even nice to be ill alone! Sounds weird I suppose...Y'know 54 isn't even too late to get married; or 74 for that matter! Hey-you won't believe this! I had severe gas poisoning about 14 years ago myself. The boiler in my apt. building was leaking too. Actually, I managed a 600 unit complex, and where our offices were located leaked first. For a LONG time. We didn't notice, because people were always in and out letting in fresh air. We had headaches tho, and I eventually got to a point that I could walk home and barely make it up to my living room after work.(I had a 2-story loft apt.) It caused arthritic type conditions for me. I had already been diagnosed with FM, so it took about 6 months to find out that it was poisoning actually. I made a comment about OSHA to a company person, and ended up being pushed out of my job. My awesome job became horrible, and I was put in very difficult positions to edge me out, but I didn't realize it at the time. Later, my best friend (who I suppose really WASN'T) told me what had really been going on to make me quit. I didn't tho, and they made up some big garbage and dangled a nice severance pkg. that I did take.
What kind of business did you have? What are you doing now? Do you get out to church? Do you have good friends to help you thru? I am an addicted reader myself! I stay up into the wee hours to finish books and don't end up with much sleep most nights...Well, time for me to stop for now. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself! In HIM! Cindy
Thanks so much for your message - it's always a great surprise!
You have been through alot too...wow, the gas exposure at your job was terrible - it does cause FM type pain - because it hurts oxygenation in the body. At least that's what I was told.
Anyway, I'm under the weather today - so I will just write a bit - as you know I've been fighting a fever for 4 mos. And today I woke up to some kind of cold or flu - must have been from shopping for pumpkins on Sat - it was sooo cold here (Ohio).
Your holidays seem nice to celebrate with friends - that is a blessing. But I know what you mean about family - the heart always wishes for togetherness.
My sister has a boyfriend - but few close friends that I know of - but that just it - I know little of her life. She is vacationing in CA this last week or two. I do wish I could take a vaction some day - but I have been sick for so many yrs it's hard to imagine it sometimes...but I try to keep hoping.
Anyway I will check back in tommorrow - and hopefull I'll be a bit better. Take care and look forward to hearing from you!
Your friend in Christ,
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