Embarrassed to Hire Housecleaning Help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by muguet, Dec 19, 2006.

  1. muguet

    muguet New Member

    I am 48 and have suffered from very debilitating fibromyalgia since my early 20's. My energy levels and pain were always a serious issue but now it's beyond the pale. My husband & I live in a rather large 1 bedroom apt. and the place is a MESS. Not just a mess - it's dirty (dare I say filthy?) I do the best I can. Yesterday I cleaned the bathroom top to bottom and it took me hours. I will pay the price in extra pain and fatigue for days to come. I couldn't even consider having anyone over to visit and it makes me so sad. I hate a dirty house - always have - and am filled with shame. My husband is a paraplegic - he's young and healthy except for his being unable to walk but he just can't do much. I do all the shopping, cooking, laundry and errands and with my husband's disability there's a lot to do there. Then I'm completely spent. We aren't rich but I do think we could afford someone to clean if we were careful. Problem is I'm too embarrassed to hire anyone to come in here to clean and see this dirty mess. I feel that I would have to clean it all up first before the cleaning person came and I just can't do that. I feel like most people who hire someone to clean already have a decent house and just want it maintained. How can I handle this? How can I get over my embarrassment and get some help over here without feeling so humiliated? I feel really sad about this.
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Don't be embarassed. Before they come the first time just pick up junk the best you can. Throw out obvious trash and let them do their job.

    We have someone come once a week and they really scrub the house. We could never do the work they do.

    Usually two people are here working for 6 hours or more every Wednesday. They clean everything and do a excellent job.

    My husband always tips them a extra $20. and it seems to make a big difference. They really do appreciate it. We pay the service $60. a week.

    We have a larger house with all hardwood floors and three levels. I could never keep the floors clean myself.

    Everyone feels embarassed at first, you will get over it.
  3. natrlvr2

    natrlvr2 New Member

    to make yourself maybe feel 'better', just explain to the person(you hire) why the place is a mess and why you need help.I am sure the cleaning person has seen 'dirty' places before. I know I used to clean and it all comes with the job.I do have to say,when I was still capable of 'working' for a living,I preferred cleaning businesses.This one house I cleaned was a pig sty the first time I got in there.(the men of the house did not believe in MEN doing housework.The woman had a stroke and could no longer do it.I tell you,they should have been embarrassed.They had feces on the toilet seat.Nothing phased me but that did.
    So don't feel bad or embarrassed,just let the person know that it got out of control and why.That is why you are hiring someone.
  4. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    Now let me get this right, you will pay someone to do a job but first you feel you have to do said job first...correct me if I am wrong but I go to work and my boss does not do my job first for me as much as I wish she would lol but sweetie you will be paying someone to do a job-let them do it..if they don't want the job someone else will.

    You have your hands full and nothing is wrong with help so let them do their job ok?
  5. monamea

    monamea New Member


    Don't be embarresed and don't clean before they get there, they will understand when they see your husband and you. If they don't than they don't need to do it. I had to hire someone in every two weeks, because I couldn't do it all the time. I have no help and 3 men live here, that should say it all, except this is a dairy farm! Now you understand, you have too much to shoulder and the stress is not helping. Call Senior Citizens and get names of cleaning people, they don't charge as much and they are better understanding. Also, your local social services have names, use them!

    Good luck and take care.
  6. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    You're probably only embarrassed because you put a lot of weight on the cleanliness of someone's home. You don't want someone else thinking the same thing you think when you see someone's dirty house. But not everybody thinks that way! I'm a complete slob to begin with and this illness made it even worse. I actually feel better when I go to someone's house and it's a mess. My mom can't stand it, she's a real neatness freak. She would rather gnaw her own arm off than let someone see her house messy.

    You know that saying about wearing clean underwear when you get in an accident? My mom would rather die in the accident than have someone see her with soiled panties. Then there's my mother-in-law, her house looks clean, but it smells like a monkey's butt. And she was one of the first people to come over and help clean my house when I got ill. It should be more embarrassing to hire someone to come in and clean an already clean house! Then they'll think you don't need it and are just spoiled! Being mean to your body and pushing it beyond its capacity is a much worse thing to do than letting someone see your messy home!! Besides, lots of people have messy homes. And the people with seemingly neat homes; is the house messy if no one is there to see it? You bet! People clean homes for a living because the need is there and they enjoy it! So do it and don't think anything about it. And don't apologize for it as soon as they walk in, everybody does and they will appreciate an honest person who admits they need help!

    good luck to you!

  7. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I know what you mean we had two Lady's come in and clean a few weeks ago and one of them was older then me. She was on her knees cleaning my laundry room floor and I almost stepped on her . I started to bend over and pick her up but I did not want to embarrass her. I felt so guilty having someone clean up after me.I was feeling sooo bad that my hubby paid for them to come in and clean.
    Sometimes I think that show clean sweep would be great as a business to help us all simplifie our lives.
  8. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    Everyone here has made good points. Believe me, I KNOW where you're coming from. It took me about six months to make up my mind firmly enough to have someone come in and clean. I think I kept them for about four months -- at that point, we had renovation work starting, and there was no way anyone would be able to keep the house clean at that point.

    For me, I felt like I had to 'clean up' before cleaning would be of any help. I mean -- there were things that only I could do (file my paperwork, go through the closets, etc.). If you have some projects like this that are overwhelming you so that cleaning is practically an impossibility (they wouldn't be able to get to the floor to clean it), would you consider hiring a professional organizer to come in and help you do some long-term jobs in tandem? That way, if you had places for things to go, and some of the older clutter was cleared out, it would be easier for someone (cleaning service) to come in and shuffle them all back into their places.

    I have definitely considered this. I even looked into a "Senior Relocation Specialist" to help my mother-in-law when she moves out of her house. She's going to need someone there to help her make realistic decisions about what to keep, where to put it, and what's just weighing her down.
  9. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    I agree with everyone that said..don't be embarrassed...you are in a tough place and you need help. That is all there is to it! But, if you would be more comfortable to have someone come in the first time and have the house be in less of a state than it is right now, consider this....Do you have a friend or relative that can come and help you get the worst of the house picked up? That could be just the boost you need to feel more comfortable when you have a "stranger" come in your home.
    We so often feel that if someone sees a mess..then they will think badly of us...disregarding the fact that there are reasons why the mess is there! One of my goals, is to be able to hire someone to help clean the house for me. I use up most of my available energy trying to keep the house in some sort of order...and it leaves me little energy left to enjoy my life. So, as soon as we recover from our move to another state this summer...I intend to hire some one to help me. Even if all I can afford is one time a month..at least things will be clean then!LOL
    I have hired a cleaning service several times..before my daughters wedding...and before we put our house up for sale, and it was money well spent. It just felt so good to be in a house where everything was clean! I NEVER have a clean house anymore...I just have clean areas!
    You need the help..and if you cannot get help to do the first round of clean-up...Please do not be embarrassed to hire help. In the end I think you will feel that even the bit of embarassment you had to deal with...was worth it!
  10. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    comes to clean your house will be glad of the work. You can explain your situation and offer them extra money for the first clean to get your house into a reasonable state.

    Honestly, I wouldnt worry. If you keep trying to clean the house yourself you'll just hurt yourself.

  11. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Ha Ha - I am reading this after scrubbing my floor and feeling immense pain and fatigue!

    If you can afford to hire someone DO IT! You will feel better knowing it is clean

    When I was well and working, I had someone come in to clean for me

    I can't afford it now, so I really struggle to get my house clean

    Hey rich people do it all the time!!! DO NOT FEEL GUILTY if you can afford it and do not worry about the dirt

    I came from a family that my mom would clean the hotel room b4 the maid came in! And she would always clean the house b4 she left to go somewhere, in case there was a fire and she wouldn't want the fireman to see a dirty house!!!!
  12. happycanuk

    happycanuk New Member

    Don't be embarrassed. Like somebody said, just explain the problem you are having, pick up the junk and clutter and throw it all away. Clutter is more than half of the problem, usually. People keep everything and then it becomes impossible and overwhelming to even start to clean it up. Streamline your house, so that it is easy for you to be in. You have a real need for help. I am lucky, as my hubby is able to help me out. Your's is not able to help with that, so you do need help and I hope you can swallow your pride, and hire the necessary people to come clean it up. Living in dirty conditions isn't healthy for either of you.
  13. aquabugs

    aquabugs New Member

    Hi Muguet
    I'm 49, diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and then FMS reared it's head a couple of years ago. I had to stop working just over a year ago.

    I am just like you...embarassed to have someone in to clean. The couple of times I have ever had it done, I felt like I HAD to clean before they came in so I wouldn't be so embarassed. I felt silly thinking like that, but I HAD to do it.

    We were having Thanksgiving here this year, so my mom and stepdad hired my niece to come and clean my home top to bottom. My mom knows me well and threatened me with dire consequences if I did anything before she came to do the job.

    I ended up spending the entire day before just decluttering the house and of course I paid the price in pain and exhaustion. I did leave all the actual cleaning for her.

    It was GREAT to have my house really clean and I was able to enjoy the holiday without the added stress of having to do the cleaning.

    Go ahead and just hire someone. They will understand that you cannot do it. Get past that initial fear and it will be easier next time. If there is clutter that only you can handle, either get someone you know to come and help you or supervise the cleaner to get it put where it goes.

    You have enough pain and stress in your life without stressing about your home.

  14. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    I have a woman come in every two weeks. It is at a resonable rate. No, it was not the cleanest place in the beginning, but I explained the situation and she went right to work.

    It is a godsend. I have cut my work to half. Some think it is a luxury, but I see it as needed help.

  15. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Muguet,
    I know just what you mean. My house is just the same, and I live in a mountain cabin! I also feel the same.

    Today a friend is coming over to help me get my bedroom ready for the delivery of a chest of drawers. I've spent a couple of hours, off and on, doing some mopping of the floor (you know, fiue minutes working and a half hour resting), but I'm already so spent that I don't know what I'm going to do when she arives in 2 hours.

    I wish I could afford for someone to come bi-weekly, but on a fixed income, that just isn't possible. That would be an exra $70.00 a month, for 2 hours each time.

    I know we shouldn't feel as we do, because we can't help it. It's hard not to, though.

    One thing that helps me feel better is, I think of the homes of some of my friends. They are "very casual", and they are just fine with it. Sometimes I think my values are in the wrong place. LOL!


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