Embrace the pain... I think NOT!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mstg, Jun 6, 2003.

  1. mstg

    mstg New Member

    I been reading and watching the boards in search of advice and hope for this FM...It has destroyed so many lives and taken away the life the we all loved and long for.

    It troubles me to read someone who tells others to embrace the pain and the life that goes along with it. We should not embrace it but fight it everyday and strive for understanding and a cure.

    It has destroyed my life....I was career law enforcement and a Detective for many years. My career is gone along with any social life I may have had. Im 45 live alone and have nothing to look forward too with the exception of the hope of recieving disability payments. I have problems with memory and this is most destressing. And I dont have to go into all the pain and other problems associated with this thing, others have said it for me.

    Wait a minute I said I have nothing to look forward too...Thats not all true, I do look forward to having a good day from time to time...

    God Bless all, and lets not give up on Hope....Do not Embrace...Lets Fight!!!!
  2. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    Imagine fighting it, fighting it with no real response, help, improvement. Your body gets tensed up, depression sets in.

    You embrace it, you accept it to a point that it is now part of your life, the tensing, depression lets up, you see a little more light at the end of the tunnell instead of a pin prick of light.

    I would rather have teh embrace it anyday. Embracing doed not mean I am a loser, does not mean I do not try and find new things, treatments, increase my knowledge. Embracing it does not make me less of a person, I think it makes me stronger as a matter of fact.

  3. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member


    I totally understand what you are saying. I am also 45 and have had this 16 years. I have to work, no choice, so you can imagine how hard that is!

    I have read a lot of what people say on this board about embracing the pain. I believe they are trying to get us not to waste our energy on anger against this thing (because that won't change it) and try to use it for becoming informed and working on things that can help us.
    I do those things yet still cannot embrace the pain.
    I rail against it every day and I am sure they are right, I am wasting my energy.
    Just don't know how to do otherwise.................
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    When someone says to "embrace the pain," I do not believe he is saying we should be happy to be in pain or to be sick. I think he is saying that it is useless railing against it and cursing our bad luck. It's like the old swimming upstream and getting nowhere and getting worn out.

    When we let go of what might have been and accept what is, it's like we can now relax and go with the flow and stop wasting our energy on what we cannot change.

    Acceptance does not mean that we stop looking for new treatments and healing. It does not mean giving up. It just means moving from the denial and anger stages of the grieving process into acceptance. Acceptance means we are free to use our precious energy for more constructive purposes.

    Someone once said, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." That's kind of a depressing way of saying that just because we have an idea of what our lives should be like that it's going to happen that way. Everything happens for a reason. If we fail to live the lives we have because we are always angry or mourning what we have lost, we are not learning the lessons we are here to learn in this Lifeschool on Earth.

    Believe it or not, there are some silver linings if we are willing to look for them. Many of us have grown greatly in spirit from what we have been through. Many of us have grown much stronger through meeting challenges in our lives.

    Just suppose for a moment that before we come to Earth, we design certain challenges for ourselves with the help of our spiritual guides and with the approval of God. We do this because we want to grow in spirit. We know it will not be easy, but no one ever learns anything unless there is a challenge or hardship. We cannot ever ask, "Why me?" We know why me; it's because we chose to experience illness. We cannot be angry at God or anyone else because we are responsible for our own growth. That means we are responsible for how we respond to adversity here. To me, this philosophy is the only one which makes sense.

    When I see people with horrible health problems, like my neighbor downstairs with Diabetes who has lost both legs, is losing his sight, and is on dialysis, I see a real hero. This man is always upbeat despite pain and disability far beyond what most of us will ever endure. He is my inspiration.

    I imagine that when his time on Earth is done, God will meet him and say, "I'm proud of you, my son."

    Lest you think I am some kind of Pollyanna, I'm not. I've been discouraged just like everyone else. I went through the denial and anger phases of grieving. When I finally reached acceptance, I started finding new treatments and started the healing process. Sure, I slip back into denial and anger from time to time, everyone does, but for the most part, I remain optimistic and try to handle my life with optimism and hope.

    I pray that those who are stuck in anger and denial can move to a more positive place where they can start to heal.

    Love, Mikie

  5. starstella

    starstella New Member

    I found it to be very inspirational, hopefully others will feel the same way. Thanks!
  6. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi welcome to the board. You are our second (that I know of ) law inforcement person that we have here, the other is ssMarilyn. She also was in law inforcement. She spends a lot of her time on the Chit Chat Board as well as here.

    No, I don't embrace this pain (FM for 20 years plus), but I have learned to live my life in a way that causes less of the pain. For a lot of years I fought to do things that made me hurt more, but I do not do this anymore. That is not giving up, thats just pure common sense (which I was in short suppy of years ago).

    I think what made me so determine was my three children, they needed me and I just simply keep going no matter how bad I felt. Now they are all grown and on their own, so I can relax and really take care of myself.

    I had the personality to keep fighting, still do. The differnce is, I can now do the fighting in a more rational way, without all the pressure of children driving me.

    Like Marilyn said in another post, when we are down, we are simply 'regrouping' to fight another day (something to that effect, memory not the greatest in the mornings).

    I never stop searching for a better quality of life, but I have lost the anger and frustration, it only caused more distress for me.

    There are times I sit at this computer and am in dire pain, but I find someone here that is in more pain than I am. If nothing else I can reach out to them and for a while forget my own misery.

    So glad you have joined us, I would have loved to be a detective, but when I was young that was not the thing for women, or I probably would have give it a shot. I sure had the personality for the job.........

    Hope we hear from you often, and again welcome to the board.

    Shalom, Shirl

  7. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    with a lot of what Mikie said I don't believe I chose this path before coming to earth. Yes that would make it easier to accept but it's just not my belief.
    But it appears to be my path so that's life !

    Good luck to all of us in doing what ever we need to improve and adjust :)
    [This Message was Edited on 06/07/2003]
  8. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Hello and welcome to the board. I was in the same boat at you, but was on the streets, not in the detective division. I miss my work terribly and still have trouble coping with staying at home. Hubby is in law enforcement, and so are some of our children, so I am still in touch with the boys in blue. They come to our home to fish, eat and have a good time. (we live on an island)

    I don't know about embracing the pain, but I do accept it, deal with it and move on. Maybe accepting it is the same as embracing it? I don't consider my life over by a long shot. In fact, I do believe that if I really wanted to, I could work a desk job in law enforcement, but I don't know if I could handle bieng indoors. For now I live one day at a time, working and hoping for the best. God has a plan for us, and I no longer question it, I just accept it and try to be patient.

    Marilyn :)
  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I thought a lot about this post in certain parts. The movie was hilarious but it also had a strong message. In one scene, God said, "Don't pray for a miracle; be a miracle." I love that. Each and every one of us is a miracle. Just the fact that we keep going under sometimes dire circumstances is the miracle. If, in the process, we learn and grow, it's a great miracle. It's true that in the end, it isn't the hand we are dealt, but how we play that hand.

    My miracle for the day is that for the first time in more than two years, I was able to sit for two hours without too much stiffness and pain.

    Love, Mikie
  10. outraged

    outraged New Member

    Hey Mstg!

    Yeah for you!! I feel the exact same way as you do. I will not "Embrace" the pain. I will continue to fight even if it all falls into deaf ears. It's just my nature.
    Personally, I feel that, "in a sense", embracing the pain is like accepting that there's no cure for this disease, doctor's don't and will never listen, etc. Like, taking a deep sigh, feeling as though things will never change, and then somehow talk myself into being okay with the way things are now. I just can't.

    God Bless,

  11. givemethebrain

    givemethebrain New Member

    Wow, Its good to see a person who may really understand that we do choose our lessons..
    It is about taking resposibility for our thoughts actions and emotions about this condition.
    Ive gone to counseling about the depression..and was basically told to deal with it accept it..I got MAD..I geuss I didnt understand what was meant by accept it. Since I found what is wrong Ive met lots of people with it and also my family members were helped by my search for my own answer and my girls will benefit from my experience..my 11 yr old has it for sure and we have to change eating habits and also stress reduction.my brother has devised a healthy diet regimin for our family as we are all of the same genetics..there is so much good in this..I also was a stay at home have no real life of my own person ..now I am a hyperbaric technician..trained to operate a decompression chamber..I was ableto have a treatment..15 min at 60 feet on pure oxygen..it helped immensely with the pain. but on pain meds I cannot work as a tech..but I KNOW hyperbarics works.. and I help educate doctors, and other health care professionals.
    My spiritual beliefs are tried at times but it all comes back to being thankful I am not in a wheelchair as is my client with MS. happy that it isnt cancer ,,thankful to Spirit that I am where I am..I chose it..so now what am I going to do with it? Share my experience and watch how I mature through others stories and find Joy when I have a few hours of feeling normal again. This too will pass.
    remember Muadib ..fear is the mind killer

    [This Message was Edited on 06/08/2003]
  12. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Actually, there are a number of us here with this understanding of our lives in the Earthschool. Some of us have taken some hits from people who feel our philosophy offends their traditional religious orientation, but I do not see it that way. I still retain my religion, but my spiritual growth has led me to expand greatly on my religion and gain greater understanding of the sacredness of our lives here and their purpose.

    While I always trust God to lead me and watch over me, my philosophy empowers me to take responsibility for my own growth. Ever since I can remember, I have taken the road less traveled, and at the risk of sounding trite, it HAS made all the difference.

    I have often compared this to playing billiards. When your opponent has missed his or her shot, the table is changed and there is nothing you can do about it. It may appear at first glance that you have no shot, but if you walk around the table for a different perspective, you may see many possible shots. Some may require more skill than you think you posess. You can either take that risk, knowing that you may fail or try a safer shot; it's up to you. If you never take the riskier shots, you don't improve your skill. You almost always have more options than you think you do, but if you do not look at the table from more than one perspective, you will not see them.

    It's nice to have another Soul Sister aboard!

    Love, Mikie
  13. givemethebrain

    givemethebrain New Member

    loved your post have been searching for sisters on the journey,,Im overwhelmed..
    I asked for help and was given an incredible gift..how many psychologists are Shamans? and are willing to share it with a client..was led to this before the diagnosis and brought the Kryon and pleadian info to my family..noone is a victim.NOONE.its a play and we play many parts..and I feel blessed that I have found a place where I can help myself and others..
    blessed be
  14. sofy

    sofy New Member

    Your description of choices and responsibility was clarifing for a subject I have been struggeling with lately. Your post was more than helpful. My endo Dr. firmly believes this. I have seen him twice and am struggeling to be open to this new thought process and have started to see a councelor, he recommended, to help. I still have nagging doubts about him and they are. At my second visit he talked and talked and listened and listened but it is clear he thinkg as soon as I heal spiritually I will be ok so I think he is treading water. He did give me very low dose thyroid and cortef but I had to tell him what he had prescribed. While talking about the spiritual healing he said you dont want to be on that stuff forever. Now doesnt that say he thinks I can cure myself and he is just putting a bandaid on the wound I have created for myself.
    My fear if that if he firmly thinks its all in my head and I have a real physical problem that need real attention he wont see it cuz he isnt looking for it. Any comments?
  15. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    You have to be careful as there are a lot of scam artists who have latched onto New Age spirituality. This is what has given it such a bad image. I don't know enough to know whether or not this guy can be helpful to you or not, but I would listen to your inner voice and go with your feelings.

    No one is going to be able to physically heal our illnesses with just working on our mental/spiritual outlooks. If he believes this or is trying to make you believe it, he is the one in denial. There is no cure for what ails us, but by achieving acceptance and learning to meditate and try to "remember" how to be a well person, it helps what we are doing to heal physically. My therapy has been a real help to me in this.

    I dated a very sweet man 17 years ago who had studied all kinds of religions and philosophies, and it was he who started me down the path toward greater awareness spiritually. I believe that was the purpose in our meeting. I've read and studied on my own ever since. I was fortunate enough this last time to find a therapist with the same philosophical beliefs as mine. She was a tremendous help to me.

    I believe she was right when she said that after many years of illness, we forget, in our bodies, minds, and spirits, how to be healthy people. She used hypnotherapy to help me remember my healthy self. The body doesn't always cooperate :) but at least now I am back in touch with my healthy spirit and it is really making a difference. I do not believe it is possible to heal physically if we cannot also heal our spirits.

    Love, Mikie
  16. LeLeHpr

    LeLeHpr New Member

    I could not have said that better myself! Thanks for the words of encouragement!! I needed to be re-freshed!!!