Emotional Breakthrough - Lost and Found Self - Please Read...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hope4Sofia, Feb 26, 2006.

  1. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    About a year after my sx started (1990 -secondary to a car accident) my beloved boyfriend of 4 yrs broke my heart. At the time I didn't know that I had FMS. That breakup SEEMED like a defining moment in my life as I was never the same. I watched friends go through breakups. They would go through very sad times but they eventually recovered and went on living. I didn't.

    I have wrongly believed for all these years that he destroyed me. I thought there was a good Sofia before the breakup and a bad Sofia after - only getting worse with time. I got over the depression for the most part but not completely and of course had anxiety and all kinds of pain. I have mourned the old me so much over the yrs.

    Only this year - since I was Dx, did I put it all together. I attributed to that breakup what ACTUALLY was just this crazy dd taking it's toll ALL THESE YEARS. It wasn't that I couldn't overcome that heartbreak. It was that I lost my old self because of this DD! Not that I don't struggle emotionally - just that he wasn't the cause of this struggle.

    I have to say this has been a huge breakthrough for me emotionally. I would be interested to know if any of you have experienced this kind of emotional confusion. Or have had this kind of breakthrough.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/26/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/26/2006]
  2. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am so pleased you worked this through. It is good to be able to let go of these old concerns and hurts and know why.

    I did note that Cheryl Crowe and Lance Armstrong broke up and now she announced she has breast cancer. One does wonder if this contributed to the breakup, and one would think Armstrong would have tolerance, but not according to his ex......

    Men oft5en leave their wives and lovers when things are not perfect, esp. I note if one has a handicapped child-it seems their tolerance level is just not that high for some reason. Some would call this selfishness, but I am not so sure if it is that or just some part of the brain that is missing in men!!!

    Good Luck dear

    Love Anne C
  3. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    I believe it is true for a lot of us. I can trace my symptoms back to when I was a kid... my childhood was traumatic for me because I was always so very much overweight. I never felt normal. I would actually cry to my mother and ask, "Why can't I just be normal?" She had no answer.

    For years this has built up and in February 2002 I had gastric by pass surgery. I lost some weight and then gained it back. I ended up going from Rhode Island to Washington state last year to see a specialist. My surgery was "broken" and the doctor had to fix a lot of thing.

    You are probably asking why I saying this? After my first surgery I experienced my first real "flare". The one that wasn't like anything I've ever experienced. On top of that I was not feeling "normal" again. I believe my original "flare" was caused by m
    any years of trauma (too much to even mention, but it included the death of my Mom and Dad) and then having the surgery... that was the straw that broke camels back I guess.

    I think the physical trauma of the surgery really pushed everything over the edge. I don't know if this makes sense to you, but I'm a firm believer that a lot of us have suffered trauma of some kind. My physical trauma brought my emotional trauma to a head and I could no longer handle it. It then manifested itself in chronic pain and chronic fatigue and it probably won't ever go away.

    That's just my theory... or my 2 cents worth.
    Hugs,
    Tigger
  4. finnigan1229

    finnigan1229 New Member

    I thought I had everything under control until about a year and a half ago. I have had Fibro since 1994. I started having horrible back and leg pain. It was diagnosed as spinal arthritis/stenosis/sciatica. I have also been nailed with a whole lot of other medical problems in that time. My husband informed me that he was sick and tired of hearing about all my problems all of the time and that he just didn't care anymore. He is no help emotionally, physically or any other way. I have lost all my friends because of this DD so no help there. My adult son is so wrapped up in his own world that he doesn't see and can't help either. My Mom is 93 and lives 2000 miles away - so nothing there either. and I just lost my beloved PA that has taken care of me for years. I spend all my time in pain - physical and emotional - and tears. Anyway - glad you have overcome your heartbreak - for some of us it just goes on and on til we can't take it anymore . . .
  5. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    I'm so sorry that you feel so alone. It doesn't seem right that your support system has let you down. I hope I didn't make you feel worse - I'm not trying to gloat at all, if I came acrossed that way then I need to apologize.

    I definitely continue to struggle emotionally as I think many of us do with this DD. I was just say that that particular hang-up which has been on my back for so many years is finely gone. I gave that breakup too much credit for my misery.

    I have been blessed with a good husband and I hurt for you and others whose husbands have truly let you down. That should never be. I hope you find some comfort here.

    Currently, I lack much of a support network outside of my hub which puts a lot of pressure on him to meet my emotional needs. This board has helped to relieve that pressure a lot and for that I am deeply grateful.

    Sending you gentle hugs...
    Sofi