emotionally drained

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. I am not sure where to post about problems with your life because you have fybro. SO I wil post here.

    Is it me or are people with chronic invisible illnesses treated badly?

    My family do not believe I am sick. If they did ,you would have thought in 2 years someone would have asked how I was doing,. Even the ones who don't call me a liar, to my face,doesn't ever ask me how I am. I know what this means. It means they don't believe you. Now if you had ms,a broken leg I would assume they would ask.

    This brings me to the money problems we have. If they believed me, they would not put money into church basket for the poor at the church, but maybe help me with food just once. I want to work.I loved working. I can't help it if I can't.

    Out situation is unique because hubby was sick first so now I am looked at as trying to gain money by being lazy! It doesn't matter that I also have two illnesses that can be proven with a test. I honestly would believe anyone of my family members if they told me They were sick.

    I would look up fybro learn as much about it and offer help of cleaning or anything. I think what have I done to deserve this treatment. I see so many people who help others at charity drives and people at christmas who adopt families. Why am I such a bad person to my family where they don't think I don't deserve their love? I have never asked for anything. I try not to pity myself too much.

    We grew up in a big catholic family I thought we learned about love. The people in my family who disowned me was the perfect catholic family. Don't people realize that mony isn't everything. What If they needed a kidney? Money can't buy them that. I would be the first one to line up and help anyone,especially family.

    I could understand more if I was a lzy person who never worked and always recieved money from the governnment becuase I was lazy. I worked 10 years at a resturant to support my family when hubby became ill.I never could sit still always doing chores and fixing things. I hate the emotional pain that I deal with. Sorry for being so sad today. Thanks for listening. I will try to get better mentally. Ruthie
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    One of the hardest things of this dd,is dealing with where did my family friends go.

    Were they ever there for you? Is this just since you became sick? I think sometimes because this dd goes on for so long people burn out.

    It hard but try to put them out of your mind,you cant change it and you have hubby and boys.Could you ask church for help?

    hope things get better I do understand have a good christian sis who is there for others and many times have thought what about me?

  3. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I'm so sorry your family is neglecting to be there for you. It is strange that they consider themselves good Christians yet are completely letting you and your hubby down. You sound like a very giving person and I know you would be there for them. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them wise up.

    Sorry this is happening to you as well 3gs.

  4. Thanks for your kind words. I didn't want to sound like I am begging. I just can't understand how this happened to our family. Yes I was the one that always took in a family member who was homeless. Also took in a 16 yr old niece who's parents coudn't deal with her. I guess the relationship went stale when Hubby got sick. I coudn't go to so many family things. Then when I got sick it was even less. I want to make friends but it's hard when you don't have the energy to do anything. Sorry for all who have family and friends just forget about you. I wouldn't wish this ugly disease on anyone. Ruthie
  5. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I've always been the person who takes care of everyone and helps people when they're in a bad situation. Why is it that nobody offers to help me?

    I'm so fed up w my dh and kids right now that I could scream. I've been having terrible crashes in the evening about 3x a wk, my dh and kids have seen how incredibly weak and scared I get. I can only lie down when it hits, or I'll pass out! I can barely hold my head up, my breathing gets shallow, and I have difficulty eating and swallowing. I honestly feel like I'm about to slip into a coma or something when this happens. My dh just ignores me unless I call out for help. My kids will bring me snacks and drinks while my dh sits in the family room glued to his laptop and TV.

    Earlier this week I had a rough day and a bad crash around 5pm. I was supposed to do the grocery shopping that day, but was unable to because I was so weak. Well, my dh came home and threw a temper tantrum because we were out of milk...he never even came upstairs to check on me after my daughter told him I was in a crash. He proceeded to leave, slamming doors and squealing his tires out of the driveway. He went to the store and bought milk and some fast food for him and the kids...but he didn't even get anything for me! I was so upset, he acted so cold hearted and my kids saw that. My daughter asked him if he had gotten anything for me, but he just said NO. Juvenile behavior for a 52 yr old man, huh? I'm still hurt and angry, and he never apologizes for anything. He's usually so nice to me, but doesn't like it when I ask for any kind of help. My kids won't help w housework (they have devel delays, autistic tendencies and lots of behavior problems, not just "normal" kids), it's almost impossible to get anyone in this house to lift a finger!

    It's so obvious I'm sick, why would I pretend to feel so awful? Doesn't everyone realize I'd rather be healthy? I would feel so much better if I could get someone to help me w housework, laundry, etc. I used to have a housecleaner, but can't afford it now. I will never get caught up with this mess of a house, I feel like running away to stay w one of my sisters. I don't have any friends or family nearby, I don't go to church, so I have no one to ask. What on earth am I supposed to do? I'm tired of being treated so heartlessly by my family here, I have to beg for help and I rarely get it.

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread willruthie...this is just a sore subject for me right now:) I'm sorry you're having the same type of trouble too. It's sad knowing that my own dh and kids aren't thoughtful enough to pitch in and help, especially since I'll probably be like this for the rest of my life. Hopefully I'll die young, then MAYBE they'll realize how much I do for them! Grrrrr............
  6. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    You broke my heart. anybody notice how the ones being ignored are the ones who were always there for others? ummmmmaybe by being the doers all the time,nobody realizes that we need help too.

    Since your kids have problems would you qualifiy for state help with house and shopping? Does your grocery store deliver?

    hubby needs a swift kick in the u know what. take a break and go see your sis. wonder what he would do left on his own.

  7. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Thanks for the supportive words. There isn't much assistance available for us because of the kids' problems, believe me I've been jumping thru hoops for years w the county, Regional Center, and state mental health services. We are actually in a program called Wraparound right now, we have weekly mtgs at our house (w a social worker and behavior specialist). They just try to help keep the family together...we've tried to get dd into residential treatment but so far no luck. Basically it costs the state too much money, so they think of other ways to "help". It's really rough sometimes because she gets very aggressive and violent...that's another looooonnnnggg story....I believe the stress of dealing w her is part of what caused my FM/CFS/Depr.

    DH and I are having a talk tonight, he won't like what I'm going to say to him. I'm just tired of everyone being so disrespectful and mean to me. I deserve better, I need to see some changes around here...wish me luck.

    xoxo Hermit

  8. I am happy to have a good hubby but he was sick first, So when we both go through a terrible flare we can't rely on each other.

    My problems are with extended family. I never thought in a million years that people woudn't believe me. When hubby got sick I knew no one believed him but he was always so inactive but with me people knew how active I was. Ruthie
  9. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I'm not sure I have an answer but I wanted to let you know that you can always find support you need here...I believe you, we believe you. I can't imagine anyone who would WANT this DD, much less pretend to have it. I'm sure there are some people who are attention seekers, but mostly they can't "pass" a doctors examination.

    You have seen doctors and have received your DX's. Its not fair that you can't have your family's support. You already have so much to deal with...I have to ask, can you cut these toxic people out of you life?

    ((((hugs ruthie)))), hang in there and remember I am always hear to listen!!