ever been stabbed in the back by a friend?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hagardreams, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    I just recently found out about a cousin of mine doing me really bad. She told some family members things that were not true about me. Really awful things. Also she made trouble at the place I was working at telling them things that werent true. For years I wondered why I was getting the cold shoulder at work, and now I know. I was so mad, and wanted to confront her. Then I found out that she has recently been diagnosed as being bipolar. I feel sorry for her, and want to forgive, but it hurts. I know that is one hell of a disease, my mom and husband are both bipolar. What she did goes way behond anything I could ever do to anyone. No I am no purfect, but I would never on purposely lie about someone, no matter how mad I was at them.
    Has anyone ever been through this, and how do you handle it? I want peace
    I have been falsly accused of a few things in my life, and I can forgive, its the forgetting part that is very hard. Just hopeing that someone out there understands and can give some advise.
    God bless, Julie
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Yes I have, I call it betrayal. It is one of the most hurtful things that can happen and very hard to recover from...

    I will say, somehow the best advice I can give you is to try to forgive. That does not mean you forget or put yourself in a position to be victimized again. Meaning, stay away from that person.

    Bipolar or not, that type of bad character is vicious and I do not believe Bipolar is a excuse.

    The only one who can protect you is you. How can she ever repair the damage even if she wanted to? If she wanted to repair the damage, tell her to go take a feather pillow and tear it open, then throw all the feathers in the air.

    Then, go an pick up all those feathers and put them back in the pillow. That is how easy it is to repair the damage she has done.

    To allow what she has done to become a permanent resentment will be damaging for you. It will take alot of work on your part to get over this, including prayer if that works for you.

    I understand how shocking this is and I hope you can be strong and find a way to let it go. Julie, forgiving her does not mean you allow her in your life again. She cannot be trusted. For some reason, she resents or is jealous of you. I can only guess her motivations.

    Take care and again, I am very sorry you experienced this.

  3. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    for me it was my brother....

    he smeared my name to my parents, sister and bro in law, aunt and uncle, other bro and wife...probably many more

    he did it at his son's grad party...i just couldn't make it due to this illness...my dh and 3 of our kids were there ....at least he didn't involve my dh and kids...

    i haven't talked to him in almost 2 years

    i don't know if he did it because he was drinking and maybe was mad i didn't come to the party? or was he planning to attack me if i had been there? i will never know what in the world he was thinking....his wife is one of those moody women who hate their mother in law behind her back....and my sister...she could be the root of this...i am getting to the point where it doesn't get me physically upset anymore......but i can't forgive him yet...my brother is hot tempered and mean....he would never in a million years try to fix this....i think he and his wife deserve each other....
  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    yes i was stabbed in the back by the ex-husband...cheated, lie and drank himself in a pitiful stuipor...

    the lies may be from the pshycotic episodes as well as she may have borderline personality order...

    ex-hubby's grandmother used to go all around town and say nasty things about her daugthers...she was dx as manic depressive/same thing...

    just forgive her and pary she stays on her meds...

    tell her so what she had done...and how she hurt your feelings...maybe she would be willing to set somethings straight w/these people she said bad things to them about you...

    but try and treat her like a neighbor and protect your feelings...

  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Can only feel good about themselves when they are putting someone else down. I am so sorry she has acted this way. You may want to write her a note, not an angry one, saying you need her to stop this behavior.

    Yes, I have been stabbed in the back several times, by co workers, by a career partner(who stole from me, cash and designs, then told all our clients the business broke up as I owed HER money!) As she was unreliable, they called me to tell me as I was the trusted one.

    I once got a woman a good job at a school I was running, and she went after me with a vengeance through jealousy.
    The worse was my best friend slept with my first husband and started a campaign that almost landed me insane, then she used her money to marry him and try to obtain custody of my children, she even TOLD me that she "needed the kids to keep the man". Well they had (have) a miserable life together, and have to live with their awful lies.

    But I have not let this make me bitter as that means they won. I just thank God I will never treat anyone badly or be mean or hurt anyone deliberately. It actually firms up MY resolve to be a better, kinder person.

    The Better Angels of our Nature are always the ones to choose.

    Love Anne C
  6. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Its sad to hear that any one else has gone throught what I have, but its good to know that there are those out there that understand.
    I know that the bottom line is that as long as I know what is being said isnt true and that God knows the truth, thats all that really matters. It still hurts though.
    I have had others do me that way before, but with family it seems to make things worse. I have a judgemental family anyway. My dads side of the family all came from a small town here in oklahoma, and they were raised in a very narrow minded church. The stone throwing is bad. I dont even speak to any of them anymore. My dad is the youngest of 11 kids, so I have a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles, ect.
    I knew a lady once that got asked to leave church because she had on red lipstick. That was 40 years ago, but still.
    Its still hard, but its nice to hear that someone else knows what this feels like.
    God bless, Julie
    P.S. For those of you who are praying, please continue to pray for my granbaby. DHS still isnt doing anything and we dont have the money yet to go to court to try to get her. My son is thinking about taking on a second job so we can hire an attorney.
  7. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I have helped my addicted brother in many ways. He had a health crisis and I was there. He needed money and we "loaned" it to him. I found out since that he was getting money from my Dad at the same time. He disappeared for a week and I went thru so much, trying to find him and keep my Dad some what calm. I finally made a missing persons report, he showed up and I am the bad guy. I have never did anything for him, and my house is full of his things. When his girl friend kicked him out my husband helped him move his things out, he bought his big screen Tv off of my brother because he needed money, paid more for it than it was worth to help him out. There has been alot of other money. Now I am the bad guy. Yes it hurts. I worry about my Dad, but he feels an obligation to care for my brother.
  8. spiritsky

    spiritsky Member

    My own brother is schizophrenic. He's done many a hurtful thing to me and to others. If our family had judged him as a BAD person and allowed ourselves to be hurt, in the big scheme of things, over really nothing. Then we would not have been able to finally get him the help he needed.

    Mental illness is a disease, this person is not well. Forgive...and it will set you free. You said that you can forgive but can't forget. Well, if you can't forget, then you really havn't forgiven...they go hand in hand. (Not that you should forget the life lessons in all of this.)

    Then maybe a door will open where real healing can take place. Yes, you will have to put aside your own personal hurt, and deal with perhaps some of the negative images people have of you as a result of what she's done. But, has it really touched you in the deepest part of yourself. I think not...

    And yes, speak to her when/if the time is right for you. Let her know what you've found out. Just because someone is mentally ill doesn't mean they don't need to behave or have boundaries, and can't understand what your saying. She may not be able to comply with your wishes but at least you'll let her know the cat is out of the bag and you'll at least feel you've taken charge and done what you can - you won't be lurking in the shadows hoping it's going to be all right.

    And you can also set the record straight with those around you, for those who will listen. Do your best...it won't be perfect.

    Good luck...

  9. OWWEE

    OWWEE New Member

    My mom does this with my kids (adults). It really hurts me and it hurts them too. I don't know why shoe does it. Maybe she is afraid they will love me more than her, maybe because she is getting older and is afraid she will die and she wants the kids to think she is better. I don't know. If I try to talk to her, she never meant anything by it, or she had no intention of causing problems, but she does it again. She did it two years ago and I have not spoken to her since. I know that is bad. She is old but not demented, she is able to take care of herself, communicate, travel, etc. The last time it made me so sick and depressed and angry that I think I had a nervous breakdown. My husband should have had me admittted to the hospital. He just didn't known how bad I was. The part that hurts the most is why.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/02/2006]
  10. mrstyedawg

    mrstyedawg Member

    I was betrayed by my very best friend or so I thought she was. When had been friends for 30 years. She claimed to love me like a sister. I share all of my secrets with her. I discovered that she really wasn't who I thought she was. It has been 14 months when I discovered who she really was. It was a physical pain. She hurt me beyond repair. Even if she apologized it will never be the same. I know how bad it hurts to be betrayed, but now that I know the real her, I keep myself at a distance. She will not get the chance to hurt me again.
    Love, Andrea