Ever feel like the whole world is mad at you for being sick?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by griswoldgirl, Jan 13, 2003.

  1. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    I have to vent here. I get to where I take and I take and I take so much and then I just explode inside. Not a bad explosion, just one that made me come here to where other fibromites and people with brain fog may understand.

    Since my husband has been home, it seems he is very angry with me. If only I had handled the workman's comp issue better, it would have prevailed. If only I would call the attorney back every single day to see what is taking so long after 6 weeks of me calling once a week to get my letter off to challenge their decision to turn me down for STD and LTD at this point from my knee injury.

    Today was a perfect example. I tried to fax yet again copies of what the attorney lost---uggg and he and the machine downstairs in the office would not work-so he stormed off to kinko's and did it for me--out of anger.

    The attorney was too embarrassed to call me and let me know he lost the original papers so he just kept me waiting while he looked some more. This letter was suppose to have gone out a month ago! Of course this is my fault and my husband could do better.

    Every time I turn around people are angry because I am ill. My kids are angry because they can not do and have the same things without my $$ I used to make. I got fired from a job because people were angry at me for being sick and finally found a way to get rid of me. My boss was awful with me before i left and for the most part so were my coworkers. I have been home for 4 months--not one call of how are you? or anything else for that matter. they were glad to be rid of me it seems.

    I need to quit smoking and everyone is mad at me because I just do not do it. I am taking part in an online support group and trying to cut back and have set a quit date and plan to quit-but that is not good enough.

    My husband keeps shoving down my throat the fact that he cashed in his 401K for us to live--i do not spend anything I do not have to and my insurance copays on meds have gone way up so there will have to be some changes there. I cannot afford to pay 50% of total cost of premium perscriptions and that is what it is with my new plan. if they are non formulary-coverage is 50/50-that is it!

    It just seems like an endless circle at times. I am accepting my limits and stating them and it is causing havic. i do not push like I used to.

    My husband and I do not talk much and the stuff keeps getting shoved under the rug. this anger alone is enough to help me recover from this next surgery and get back to work so I can feel like I am contributing to the family monitarily and perhaps some anger will lift.

    Heck, my doctors even get angry at times because I am knolegeable about fibro and they are not at times and it angers them for me to bring it up in certain settings.

    I guess what it boils down to is that my self esteem is low tonight and i do not like people angry with me all the time. And the big and is I am angry at the situation and the circumstances I am under due to the workplace I worked in negligence and there is nothing I can do about it until the disability thing is settled once in for all, I cannot bring a civil suit against them.

    I am trying to find a lawyer to speak with concerning wrongful termination and discrimination. We will see. All I want is to get better and go back to work.

    I can honestly say I do know how it feels when my mom was ill when I was young and she died at 38 when I was 17-I was angry too--I guess it is the easiest emotion to tap into when things are not right.

    just some ramblings from me who couldn't sleep-going for post op appointment for ACL reconstruction tommarrow and am not looking forward to spending the day there at Duke. I am tired and have been fighting bronchitis and just want to rest until it is gone.

    cathy
  2. darlamk

    darlamk New Member

    Hi Cathy, Your family sounds a lot like mine is at times. They are just so used to us taking care of everything and managing it all that it is hard for them to adjust to the reality of the illness. I am guilty of never making any of the kids help much so now I am paying for that! I can imagine your husband is stressed because he is not working too & deflecting on you. Maybe you two could see a counselor - if you don't have insurance at least try through local churches or social services. Sometimes we need to have an objective uninvolved person to moderate discussion and get the cards on the table! I think men handle issues like these so differently than women.I can imagine how down you must be feeling - dealing with surgery, fatigue,pain,hobbling around, legal stuff with attorneys and FM flaring. You need a weekend alone at a Holiday Inn! Try to take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. I hope things get to looking brighter.
    Take care,
    Darla
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    You really need a lift today! So sorry you are having such a bad time with everyone. If they only realized the more they stress us, the sicker we get!

    I sure hope things get better for you, and I know it helps to get it all out sometimes.

    You take care of YOU, let the family do what needs doing, and get better soon.

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. kredca4

    kredca4 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this rough time, I've been there myself and I know how you feel, I wish that there was something I could do or say that will make it all better, but I don't.
    Just don't give up on yourself or your family, it's difficult at times I know, just read my past post's, lol, I can laugh at some of them now, but not back then.
    The Hubby now after almost 7 years, has accepted my Disabilities, and he no longer pushes me, or tries to make me feel guilty because I can no longer work, he used to, Big Time.
    It was so bad that I ran away from Home, I couldn't take it any longer, I moved in with my sister and oh brother was that a mistake, she also has FMS and a host of other Orhtopdeic problems. She let "Tweekers" live in our garage and they kept me awake all night, and day, I had the worse Flare ever.

    I learned that I had to cut out the Toxic people in my life, it's hard when it's family and impossible if you have children, but if you could spend some of your dwn time with them, maybe like sit on the bed and read togeather or talk and share your reelings, and how you feel, and encourage them to share theirs without the anger, just talk.

    It helped me so much to do this with my Mom before she passed on, and also with the Hubby, he's like a whole new man, leaving him was good for both of us at the time, but remember we didn't have anyone but the 2 of us to worry about, so that made it easier. But I went from the Frying Pan right into the Fire.

    I couldn't make sound descions, I was in a a state of confusion, which I now know is Fibro Fog with Anxiety and Stress added in. I was a Homeless mess, because I felt noone Loved me, or understood me., including me.

    So I went to Ca., found a good Dr. got my SSDI, and after a lot of ups and down's I am finally in a place where I can live.

    I'm not happy, because who can be Happy with these Syndromes and other co-conditions? I make the most of it, I went to Free Therphay at the College, the Dr's had been encouraging me to try some, but I couldn't afford it, and thought I didn't need it. Well I was sure wrong about that, lol, I needed it. It was so cool to sit and talk to someone who didn't judge me, and helped me to understand that I had a Greiveing period to go through, and no one in the Family would let me, they were in Denial as well a me.
    I felt so Free after my 6 sessions, I now see someone who is a Counselor, and whe is great to talk to, she also dosen't judge me. I have an arrangement with her since I haven't the money to pay, and my HMO won't pay because she's not in their Network, so I do.

    I know you have had to go through some tough Surgery's and I guess you are headed for more? Sorry I haven't had much time lately to keep up with everyone here, I do try to read your Posts tho, I follow your progress and Pray for you when I see your need.

    The way I see it, is, it's a Love Hate or a no win situation right now for you, so Please take the time to be by yourself and do some relaxing breathing, and listen to some music you like, maybe a warm bath, or just watch a silly Movie, I use thoes tricks to unwind when I feel like the world is trying to close in on me.
    Sounds corny maybe, but works for me.

    Also tell the family that you need some time for yourself, so they will have a Happier Mother, as they say, If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy", that's so true, because if you feel bad and hurt, so will they.
    So tell them for their own good, to let you have some Me time.

    Oh yeah one more thing, you probably know this already, but I'll bet your Hubby's feeling Guilty too, he want's to Fix you, but can't. That's how mine was, till he finally figured it out, this is the way I am, I didn't ask for it, I don't want it and I'm not going to feel guilty because it chose me, not the other way around.

    Like I told my Doctor Fri., O'm not depressed, clincily that is, but who wouldn't be if you Lost your ability to do the work you Love, or your Family or your social life?

    I'm happier now than I was 3 years ago, I'm more active also, spend more time doing around the house, than going outside, but I've lot's of little projects to do.

    I have 2 more disc's that need to be operated on in the C4/5 section of my neck, but I keep putting it off, I know it will send me into another Flare, and I don't want that untill it's life threathing.

    Sorry this got so long, been keeping a lot in myself, I just wanted to Encourage you to not give up on thoes you Love, I'm truly sorry that such a Nice person as you are Cathy to have to go through all this Hell.
    I remember when you first came to the board, my Heart went out to you then also, I guess it's because you were getting ready to have that cervical surgery, and then you went right back to work, wow, I thought what a Gal. I still do, I hope you feel better today, and I will keep you and yours in Prayer. Hang in there.

    Sincerely
    kredca4/sharon
  5. Dara

    Dara New Member

    Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I do understand how you feel though. Everyone makes you feel like this is something you chose to do, not fair is it? I, like you, am also trying to quit smoking. I had the flu and pneumonia for two weeks and I was so sick I couldn't smoke. Well, now that I'm recovering and feeling better I of course now want to smoke again. I disappointed myself by buying a pack of cigarettes yesterday and I have only four left. Not Good!! You mentioned you were trying via an online support group. I looked on the internet yesterday to see if I could find something like that but was unable to. Can you give me the website???

    In defense of our families, do you think sometimes they react that way towards us because they are actually worried and scared when they see how sick we are? They want us to get back to "normal" and don't know how to express themselves?

    Do you go to any FM support groups? I went to my first one yesterday and I'll plan to continue for awhile to see if it helps me or not. Most of the people who were there seem to have families and spouses who are totally supportive, made me very envious.

    Take care.

    Dara
  6. Freeny

    Freeny New Member

    Dear Cathy,
    Sorry you are having such a bad day. I am there about everyother day! My biggest guilt comes from my kids because I am not the fun mom I used to be. Hearing my oldest say with dissapointment" Oh. Your sick again arent you?" I try not to say anything about feeling bad because one of my boys said that he thought I was wanting someone to feel sorry for me. (of course he is a teen & was in one of his wild mood swings at the time). But still, I feel SO guilty about not feeling well and being able to do the things I used to. Like MeMA, I rely on my faith to get me thru the bad times. I know there is a reason for my CFS/FM and I am trying to find the pupose He has for me. I also find that meditation helps, even if it is only for 10 min locked in the bathroom! Dont give up Cathy. Find someone to really listen to you, and remember God loves you.
    Freeny
  7. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I am trying my best to quit smoking and my husband was saying some remarks that I though is no help for support, to help in quitting smoking. Like you must not want to quit bad enough. I let him know a few times what them remarks do to me, self esteem, after a few times of explainining to him, it sank in.

    I felt like the whole world was mad at me too for being sick. Of course there is a time period of adjustment. The spouse and kids lose what was before, like being able to provide, do housework, laundry, etc.. and life was just a little easier for them.

    I tried to work, I finishes school and had all these dreams and goals, but found that I cant hold a job long, etc.. so not working right now. I am going to vocational rehab. If it dont work out,then filing disability.

    maybe in time your spouse will come around too, it took mine 2 years or better to come around.

    Hang in there, I hope things get better.
  8. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    Was having a bad moment. Just gets to me sometimes. My husband and I had a fight on the way to duke university for my prop bloodword etc--he swore he handed me the directions and we got half way there before we knew it was not in the car and we fought and then laughed and made it there anyway.

    the smoking censation thing I found by looking up the american lung association. I clicked on the one that talked about smoke sesation and it lead me the rest of the way. The actual web site adddress is so long hard to paste and copy. Just use a search engine-that is what I did and it was about the third choice under american lung association.

    thanks again