everybody needs me...

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by afeni, Dec 17, 2003.

  1. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Hi, I am a mother and wife. I have mostly been a stay at home mom for all my adult life. (Married at 18, a mom by 19)And I love my husband and kids. But I became ill, hen uts as if we all started falling apart. My oldest daughter became ill, like me, then my younger daughter became seriously depressed. And my husband doesn't want to acknowledge these things half the time. I spend so much time on appointments, medications, and emotional needs o all of them that I feel like I'm drowning. I am an emotional reck - trying so hard to be there for my kids, and be undestanding of my husband, but I feel like I'm running on E.
    Its not that I resent my family, or anything. I just feel like I'm letting them down all the time. I feel like a failure so much of the time that its hard to lift my head up in the morning.
    I want to know if there is anyone out there who can help me figure out how I'm supposed to be all these things for all the people I love, and still be able to be there for me. Because I think I must be doing it wrong.

  2. tom-r

    tom-r New Member

    Being resentful towards the ones that we take care of is a normal response we have when we are getting run down and tired. We start feeling that nobody gives a care about what we want or need. But being able to identify when this is happening to us is the key to making it through these times.

    If you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to take care of the people that need you. I have to deal with this alot in my situation, I go to work then come home to work, my wife has been in bad shape for almost 6 years now, and we have a three year old son that demands a lot of attention.

    We have other older kids that are just as demanding as our little one at times. My wife watches our little guy when I go to work then I watch him when I get home so that she can go to bed to rest and do it again the next day, so you see , what you feel is normal, but you do need to get away from the situation for some R&R. Even if it is only for a few hours at a time.

    Sorry to hear that your husband isn't very receptive of your condition, when my wife came down with this illness I got on the internet and started researching the subject so that I could understand better what she was going through, I'll never totally understand but I have learned to see how she changes throughout the day or hour.

    The part about not being able to get up or do things that you know needs done is depression. This just goes along with the rest of this garbage, if you start getting quality time for your self(if possible) this will help with this problem. I understand that it's easier said then done at times but you need to get away or you will implode, well, it feels like it anyway. Hope this helps some, Tom
  3. afeni

    afeni New Member

    I think we all have different levels of understanding. And I know my husband tries to be there for us. But we are all human. We have a 15yr old, a 12yr old, and a 6yr old. All of them a handfull in different ways. I try to do alittle for myself when I can. But as you know, it not always in the cards.

    Your wife is lucky to have you. Its hard to know that someone loves you, but really can't deal too well with your illness.

    Thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words.
  4. tom-r

    tom-r New Member

    One thing that men have problems with ,I belive, is being self centered. We are driven by our ego more so than women, that is why we always want to know how good a job we did on things.

    I know that being told that I did a good job makes this life we have a little more bareable. Although it doesn't last for days, it does help for the moment. I haven't found any magic touch that keeps my attitude in check, I do know that it is a constant battle and I have to watch it every day.

    It makes you wonder at times why things happen the way they do. I know I don't understand , all I can do is help my wife and kids get through this part of our lives as best we can. Thanks Tom