Ex motherinlaw told a "story",,,Makes me upset,,,

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lenasvn, Jun 11, 2006.

  1. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    A few days ago (I didn't post this right away since I thought I could let it go), my ex. MIL told me a "story". She always says this when she got a point to make.

    She said she was in the park and there she met this lady and started to chat with her. She soon found out she was a physician. She said:

    she was a single mother with two small children, and she didn't want to live in poverty anymore, so she desided to go to med school and become a physician. It was hard work but as she said "she did it". Yada yada.

    Well, you get the idea. In total denial that I could accually be sick for real. Or that a quick rest or a cold medecine would take care of it.

    I sent her Devin Starnabyl's info for family members, but either she never bothered to read it, or she thinks I am a hypochondriac.

    I don't really think she has the right to begin with. We have only brief contact with eachother, a quick chat after she droppes of my son on Sundays after seeing him for a couple of hours.

    She doesn't know what's going on between those walls. I have a lady from another church hwho helps me out when things get hard for me, and she knows my MIL, she wondered a couple of times if she really understand how sick I am, and all the struggles I have. I said, I don't think so.

    I think, and this other lady does too- that she is very surface oriented and doesn't want any problems in her outwardly perfect world.

    I just needed to rant, I have had built up frustrations with her from before, and this cute little "story" just added to it. I am a black dot on her perfect white little table cloth.

    Ohhhhhhh! I just needed to rant, I am shaking just from writing this,,,,I get so upset! She got no business anyway, we have very little contact.

    Thanks for listening!! :)
  2. Jo29

    Jo29 New Member

    Sounds like your ex MIL is not good for your health. Just remember that she is an X and she has no control over you.

    She sounds like a toxic person. I would guess that you are better off now that she is not your mother in law.

    You did the best thing you can do and that is vent here. That's what we are here for.

    Hugs

    Jodi
  3. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I'd stay far away from her. It's not as if you have to befriend her anymore, right? Or are there grandchildren involved?

    Anyway, visualize a blank sheet of paper. Draw your XMIL on it. Now erase it.

    :>)

    Marta
  4. Roseblossom

    Roseblossom Member

    I agree with the others - thank goodness you don't have to deal with a creep like that anymore!

    Avoid her avoid her avoid her.

    I use visualizations too - I imagine a toxic person and I can't hear em, because I get out the hose and wash them away with a strong stream of clear refreshing water. Sometimes I use a broom :)

    Roseblossom

  5. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Guys, you are so awesome!

    Unfortunately there is a grand child involved, otherwise I would had cut the string long time ago since there is more in the pot than this, like religious preference differences.

    it is still not her business what I do, and she has no right to in sweet little stories tell me that I am just lazy and not sick at all. What else would the "little story" mean? Maybe I should make up a little story myself and tell her,,,,LOL!
    [This Message was Edited on 06/11/2006]
  6. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Dear Lena,

    I just read your post and I'm sooooo sorry that you still have to deal with this woman! It seems like she's just trying to get on your last nerve and she is also very ignorant to your illnesses!

    Maybe the lady from church who knows your MIL could have a little chat with her. You know, try to explain that your illnesses are not made up and that she is really hurting your feelings! Seems to me that she needs a lesson in FMS and CFIDS though she may still not believe it. She's probably from the "old school" and does'nt want to try to learn anything or try anything new!!

    Hey, get this one, My MIL says that all illness like ours are just "mind over matter" and that we just worry too much,lol!! It could be worse, you could have to spend A LOT more time with her if she was still your MIL!!

    Soft hugs to you, Julie

  7. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Oh, Julie, thanks!

    This other lady told me that she stopped going to that church when she got a little uncomforable (they asked her to deepen relations, do some for others).

    She have been this way for years- in denial, and I don't think it will change a thing to talk to her. Although her son is no sweetie to say the least, she often told me that he faked his Gulf War Illness so he would get benefits (which he haven't gotten). It appears to be a pattern here.

    I just think about that it will eventually be an end to it and this can happen in 2 ways: I have a first Rheumy appt. in seattle in July. If he diagnoses me, that is black and white under her nose.

    The second thing is, I am in approx. a year moving back home to Sweden. I have many good reasons for it that I don't need to go into here.

    I'll just keep ignoring her, I guess! Who is she anyways, she got disability for one single reason- Carpal Tunnel. I don't know how she did it, but I know she is feeling ten times better than I do on my best day!
  8. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    I think you just hit the nail on the head. She seems to be in complete denial. My diagnosis is relatively new and most of my family is still in denial about it also. They just don't understand, and unfortunately, for the time, I don't think that they want to accept the fact that I am sick with something that will never truly, completely go away. I know that I can get better, but there is no cure for this.

    Please don't misunderstand. I AM NOT defending your MIL. I'm actually having sort of the same problem with some of my immediate family. One of these days maybe they will break down and read the information that we have gone to the trouble of researching and printing out for them and actually grasp the concept that this is real.

    Unfortunate that you will have to have continued contact with her. I also don't think that she is going to have a good effect on your health. Then again, she is an X MIL and if you can, just remind yourself that her opinion is just that. It's only an opinion and hers doesn't matter.

    I'll be praying for you in general, and for the XMIL to wake up and to be kinder and more considerate of your situation.
  9. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I totally agree with you.

    I thought about it afterwards (that darn fibro-fog and dropped jaw freeze!) but I should have asked if this lady who became a doctor had FM (and Rhaynauds, RA, hypertension, neuropathy, chronic migraines, postural tachycardia, degenerated disks, etc,,,LOL!)when she entered med.school.
  10. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    zee beeg pain in zee azz.

    But aside from that, I would question her relentlessly about that story.

    What medical school did this gal go to?
    Was she a college graduate? What school? Did she have a 4.0 average?

    Last I heard (l5-20 years ago) medical school tuition was $60,000 a year. Who paid the bill? Did she have an ex husband who was wealthy and paid support?

    Who was watching those kids while she was studying 8 hours a day? How many schools did she apply to? Did she have doctor relatives or friends who wrote letters of recommendation for her?

    Where did you here about this woman? What did she specalize in? Where does she practice? Have you met her?

    Etc. I don't belive that silly story for a minute. Who would?
  11. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    I'm sorry for what you are going thru... My In laws do not seem to understand why I may be able to the grocery store -but not attend a late night party or family gathering.... so frustrating.

    I was very interested in finding out how I get that: "Devin Starnably's - Info for family members"... I wonder if I could give that to the family.

    I googled the name but nothing came up.... Is that the correct spelling??? Please let me know how I may get a hold of that.

    Thank you and good luck to you!
    Hugs :) Kim
  12. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    Forgive me, powers that be (moderators), if I am doing anything wrong with posting this, but this is the info you are looking for.

    The website in general: http://www.sover.net/~devstar/

    and informational handouts are here: http://www.sover.net/~devstar/sheets.htm

    I've even used these for my doctor before he took me seriously and actually put me with the NP that has the same things I do, plus lupus. He said that most of the stuff he knew, but there was info in there that he wasn't aware of and actually thanked me for giving him the info.

    Maybe this will help you out some.
  13. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    Thanks for the info - I do do not see which one I should select for Family Members... Can you help me with that too?

    Thanks again!
    Big Hugs :) Kim
  14. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I was just going to look it up, but my bod' is imagining pain today, so I am a little slow in the start.

    (((hugs)))
  15. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Look for "A guide for relatives and companions" on http://www.sover.net/~devstar/sheets.htm.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/12/2006]
  16. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member


    Guide for Relatives & Companions
    http://www.sover.net/~devstar/relative.pdf

    There is also the Spoon Theory which is excellent. If you haven't read it, go here:

    http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/2004/11/the_spoon_theory.php

    I've used the spoon theory one more often with my closest friends. Not meaning to discourage you, because everyone is different, but I still don't think my family and friends "get it" yet. Eventually they may, but for right now I think they are still convinced that I'm just in a mood or something. They seem to think that the more they try to drag me out of the house that I'll get better, but on the days that I'm hurting so bad, I don't feel like getting out and it only creates resentments for me. Not to mention additional and unnecessary pain. I have to keep reminding myself that they just don't understand this yet. That way I don't lose my patience with them. It's difficult, but you will find more than enough support here until they do figure it out. Right now the members of this message board are the only ones that know how it really is, as far as "my family" is concerned. I think I may have pushed the information on them all too soon after my diagnosis. They hadn't had time to process that in their minds yet. You've got to catch them in a frame of open-mindedness and when they seem like they are actually "wanting" to understand what you are dealing with and not looking for a way to disprove what you have. People that are in denial about what you have may not be receptive to any of it. I truly wish you all the best!!!
  17. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

    My thoughts were that this XML SURE HOLDS A LOT OF POWER over your emotions, with her little stories.

    Let them go in one ear and out the other.CONSIDER THE SOURCE.