Ex really did it this time, nail in coffin so to say

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by risinforce, Jan 5, 2006.

  1. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    Well it's definate that's for sure. No room for doubt or anything else. As many of you may know, if you've read my previous posts, my ex and I have toyed w/getting back together or at least trying to reconcile. The deal was, or at least what we talked about over the Xmas weekend, that we would start dating eachother and spending time together and take things very slowly.

    Well after the first week and me making the phone calls the first few days, I realized that I was the one making the moves. So I stopped and nothing happened. Then he blew our son and myself off for New Years which worked out fine because Cody and I had a great New Years on our own.

    Sunday rolled around and he came to pick up our son as normal and asked if I would like to come up and have dinner. I said sure. So I spent the day getting rid of the Xmas clutter around my apartment, took a shower around 2:00 and got dressed really cute awaiting his call.

    Around 3:30 I get a call and he cancelled on me because his mother decided to make dinner for him and his entire family. I was devistated and once again priority #9. This was one of the hugest problems the last year of our marriage so all of those emotions were bubbling up in me. It was really hard and I was having a really hard time handling it.

    Monday I had a doc appt w/my pain doc which was a blessing in disguise. She has just happened to go through the same exact sinerio w/her husband. Pain issue (back I think), 2 years to recover, divorce, and reconcilliation. She is sweet enough to actually open up and share her personal story w/me. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I haven't, that's why I love her so much. Anyway, she gave me some tips on how to deal w/the whole situation while keeping my body in check and the pain in check. VERY IMPORTANT.

    So I hadn't spoke to him until last night when I went up to his house. I just asked him what the heck was going on. If he could please clear things up for me as the signals were very mixed. He then said that he has thought about it and he likes his life the way it is and doesn't want it to change. No relationships, nothing.

    As you can imagine I was flabbergasted. I asked about the other weekend. He said he was sorry but had changed his mind. So I told him thanks for clearing things up for me. That it really helps know that I know where I stand. I looked him in the eye and said I hope that we are the same as before w/our child (friends) he said yes. Then I said, please watch him Saturday night for the fam B-day party and left.

    As you can imagine I feel like crap. Of course I cried when i got in my car, not in front of him though. I feel used, mislead, abandoned, a million things but all I did was look up and say "it's in your hands" and take off.

    Today I am pissed. Thinking, "WHATEVER!" I guess I'm not surprised. I called my sister and told her and said take me out Saturday w/her boyfriend for a good time.

    Can you believe it? I'm sure you can. What a great way to begin 2006! That and the IRS bill I got

    Cheers,
    Shawn
  2. jbennett2

    jbennett2 New Member

    What a jerk!
  3. lolee

    lolee New Member

    BUT . . . . that's ok, it just means that God has something better for you down the road!

    Just start fantasizing about who He has ready for you!!! Your dream man may be only just around the corner!

    HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM . . . . I wonder what he will ook like, and how that first kiss will feel!! GET EXCITED!!!!!

    One door closes another one opns!

    Can't wait to hear!

    Luv,
    Lolee
  4. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    To satisfy those urges I called my semi-old boyfriend (i say semi old because he was my boyfriend about 6 months ago but we remain good good friends) and proposed to him that we be friends w/benefits.

    That may be to some a bit out of line. I am a liberal girl. Sorry if this offends. I used to have a friend like this before I married and it was great. We were the greatest of friends and every now and then we would end up spending a night being a bit more. We always respected eachother, never had hard feelings, spoke harsh or cruel words and always stayed the greatest of friends after words.

    Some may think this is like playing w/dynomite but it isn't if it's the right friend.

    So I proposed that we could possibly have a special night. We'll see how it goes. Keeps us both from ending up w/a stranger for a night and satisfing normal human urges. What do other people do when these urges come up? Go to bars, find someone. I don't want to do that. I'd rather feed the urge w/someone whom I know and already trust and care about, or suppress the urge and carry on. But after awhile the suppression becomes too much. Then you explode LOL!

    Wish me luck. I am starting this new year w/a clean slate and do fantisize about the man around the corner. he is taller than me that's for sure and a romantic as I am a hopeless one.

    God only knows what is in store for me.
    Hugs to you all:)
    Shawn
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Can I believe it? Yes I can. I figured it would end up this way from the very beginning, to tell you the truth.

    Use this situation to empower you, to grow stronger, and be a better person than he is.

    You don't need him.

    Hope everything works out OK with your friend!!!!


    Hugs,
    Janet
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    based on what the gals tell me at the office, and what I read on the message boards, and what I see in the papers, and what my own mother did,

    it is almost impossible for a woman to make a clean break w/ a man. Even if he's abusive, unfaithful, addicted, whatever.

    I think this is partly cause women are so nice and don't want to abandon the man they once loved. And I think part of it is due to romantic notions that constantly bombard us from romance novels, TV, movies, love songs, etc.

    Wake up, Kids. An exciting date is not a good husbund. You do not want somebody who is good looking, a snappy dancer, spends his money on sharp clothes, has a fast car, etc. You want somebody who is responsible, will hold a job, will show up, will stay sober, will be a good father.

    Just some thoughts from a gay man.
  7. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I am so happy to see a place where others can express thier feeling and be open. A special friend and then one who admits to being gay.

    I think that is wonderful. We all are not the same, and we should celebrate that. I find nothing wrong with a special friend or being gay, it is usually not said and being free to be yourself is important.

    I tell my grand daughter that I am glad everyone is not the same.....as we would all want the same and I would get very tired in beating off those other women coming after her grandfather! LOL.

    It will take time to adjust to your ex being the way he is and learning he is not for you. Very hard. Stick to it. One day you will realize it was the best step you ever took....but realize that it is hard to overcome. Later you will rejoice you are not with him...Blessings.......