experiencing terrible crashes following visits from friends, family

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sascha, Dec 8, 2009.

  1. sascha

    sascha Member

    anybody else have this?

    the past two months, lots of people passed this way- stayed here- i love them all, wanted to see them-

    it takes more resources than i have to prepare (my own life is put on hold for the duration), maintain while they are here, then go through recovery period after they go. i crash, royally.

    and inevitably spiral down into depression after they go- am completely demoralized and lost for a time- seems all my senses go through period of distortion- i lose sense of self. is so hard to go through.

    my 1/10th of normal operating power (on good days) gets way over-taxed, and down i go. is a predictable pattern.

    after whatever amount of time it takes (days/more than a week) i start to regain sense that life may be possible again- that i can begin functioning in better frame of mind again- i regain a sense of self-

    this cycle makes me very sad. would love to hear others' experiences-- thanks, Sascha
  2. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I know just what you mean. I go through the same cycle. I live alone, and it seems each time friends or family have been here for a couple of days, I forget, for a day or two, how to live alone. That, coupled with the exhaustion that follows their visits, is difficult.

    In fact, as I mentioned on another post I started, if it were not for the side effects of a tiny bit of hydrocodone which helps me with energy, I wouldn't be able to have them come for visits, and I most certainly wouldn't be able to go to family events they sponsor.

    So after one of these events is over, I take a "sofa vacation" until I recover a bit. That is one of the benefits of living alone: I can crash in peace. These crashes used to make me sad. Now I just try to count the blessings of living alone (and there are many) and wait it out. Eventually I get what's left of me back. :>) MsE
  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I'm sure most on this board can too. It's so nice to see people who I see so rarely, but I pay a big price for it, and end up wondering whether or not it was worth it. A few weeks ago I chose to help my sister paint her new house, with other family members, mainly a chance to be social. I knew going in that I would crash afterwards, and in reality could not do that much painting but crashed anyways. It was nice to see everyone, but was very demoralizing afterwards, crashing, then getting sick (as I always do when I crash), even though I chose to do it.

    I guess we need to learn to choose wisely. In hindsight, I think it would have been good for me to skip the house painting party. A few hours of fun for a week or more of crap.

    You know, these are terrible decisions to have to make. There are no easy answers.

    I do live alone, like the other poster, so can crash in solitude, but even so it gets hard to take, until I start to regain some energy again.

    I do know that the methylation protocol has helped ease my crashes - they are not as bad and I don't get as sick as before. I'm continuing with it because it's the only thing that has helped me with this. You might look into it --

    Take care -

  4. DemonFairy

    DemonFairy New Member

    "anybody else have this?"

    Yeah, just about ALL of us.
  5. sascha

    sascha Member

    i have my couch of perfection i retire to. exactly! and for as long as it takes, that's where i reside, horizontalizing myself as much as necessary, until i start to regroup.

    i found this blue Couch of Perfection at a thrift store, and it's the best investment i've made in a long time. sascha
  6. sascha

    sascha Member

    how does one choose wisely ? it's so hard. we NEED people in our lives. i can't imagine saying NO - don't come- i'm too sick. but after, when i fall into deep depression because i'm so depleted on every level for a time- that's when i fantasize about running away to Canada- finding a little cabin somewhere far away from everyone/everything- just to escape going through this tortuous cycle.

    i've heard of methylation cycle- i've had the valcyte anti-viral treatment- it helped in some ways- like it restored my mental capacity quite a bit- but did nothing to counteract overdoing push and crash cycle- i'm hoping for XMRV miracle sascha
  7. sascha

    sascha Member

    how does one choose wisely ? it's so hard. we NEED people in our lives. i can't imagine saying NO - don't come- i'm too sick. but after, when i fall into deep depression because i'm so depleted on every level for a time- that's when i fantasize about running away to Canada- finding a little cabin somewhere far away from everyone/everything- just to escape going through this tortuous cycle.

    i've heard of methylation cycle- i've had the valcyte anti-viral treatment- it helped in some ways- like it restored my mental capacity quite a bit- but did nothing to counteract overdoing push and crash cycle- i'm hoping for XMRV miracle sascha
  8. sascha

    sascha Member

    we all go through aspects of the visits, then the crashes--i wanted to write about mine- the strange sense distortions and depression that hits after- and hear what form crashes take with others. see if my form matched others' - no visitors are on the horizon here for a while- my brother is coming for Christmas but is staying in a hotel- best, sascha
  9. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    I can so relate ... Thanksgiving and Christmas is to close together. I so want to enjoy family and friends but what it does to my mind and body. Is it really worth it??

    Have no answers and only those of us that have this understands.

    God Bless,
  10. DoveL

    DoveL Member

    YES! Wow, it never ceases to amaze me; when I am reading this posts, it is like I wrote them all.

    In other words....DITTO, the same thing happens to me.

    I feel like such a hermit, and not by choice!! I used to be so social, and would make friends wherever I go. But now everytime I am social/around company, It takes the two bits of energy that I have right out of me, and have to be in 'a complete quiet zone' for a while. Talk about sensory overload! I feel like I was hit by a large truck when there is too much stimulation going on!

    I think the isolation that this illness brings is one of the hardest things to cope with. But you have to be living with it, to totally understand it. (Unfortunately) And of course this brings on the depression.


  11. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Yes, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I don't know how one chooses wisely. I don't think there's any other illness like this, which so cruelly makes us pay so much for trying to live a little.

    It'd be nice if the discovery of XMRV leads to some real progress - but am not holding my breath, and am continuing with the methylation protocol. Also I'm going to be starting low-dose naltrexone (see lowdosenaltrexone.org) which is supposed to boost the immune system. I'm curious to see what, if anything it will do for me.

  12. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    It is a double edged sword. You want company but it is tiring, exhausting.

    I learned a very valuable lesson from my daughter. I was going to cook and take over dinner to her place and called her to cancel as I was not up to cooking, wasn't dressed, etc.

    In no uncertain words she said, I don't care if your hair is not washed, that you are in your jammies. I want to see YOU. If you are up to just chatting, I would be happy to come to your place and we can order out.

    Now there are times when I am not even up for chatting. But I have learned that my friends and family don't expect me to cook a five course meal. I can't always do things like that.

    So I am trying to be a bit more flexible. I have become much lower keyed, when it comes to things like this. I have people come to my place a lot.

    I know this sounds easy and it is not the answer to all these problems we share but this is something that has helped me.

    It has taken me years to figure this out and also for my daughter to recognize that I do indeed have limitations. Believe me, I did not think the latter would ever happen.

  13. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    I guess in a way, I have "no choice", as since my ex of 35+ years left me, I've had to learn to live alone and it was pure hell because I have no family here; no friends, as it was always just him & me.

    The hardest part was that there was no-one coming "home"; no-one to talk to; emptiness. I craved to have "someone" just visit for a couple of hours very occasionally, but had to be someone to knew well........nada!

    Of course the stress of the breakup is still with me; I'm now housebound, but I've learned to appreciate "not" having anyone around so I can crash when needed. I'm unable to do anything physical so fortunately I do have a couple of helpers to do my housework/cooking, as I'm in bed by 2pm and just to travel to town (5 minutes) kicks off my pain.

    The only contacts I now have are people online. Actually met one guy who will come when I need someone to cuddle me; but only for a couple of hours, and even that will create a crash, but can't do "without" the human touch.

    So not having to make the decision of people coming into my home is easy, as I'm living the life of a hermit w/occasional scheduled visits where I'm not required to do anything but talk awhile.

    My computer is my best friend, but have to be careful with it as it will also crash me.

    So it truly is a double edged sword for us. As if dealing w/the illness isn't enough already!!

    Gentle hugs............carole
  14. Maribelle

    Maribelle New Member

    because without it I would be lost and feel so alone!

    I closed my retail business of 9 years just recently due to
    fibro and the continuing decline in business and increase in operating expenses.

    I kept part of my business but only do it online and hold a few trunk shows per month
    as well.

    It seems that after every trunk show, I crash big time. Since these shows are
    usually on Saturday, I end up in bed Sunday thru Tues/Wed. At the time of
    the shows, while I am socializing and doing what I love to do, I almost feel normal.

    Then the ugly head of this DD shows itself and I pay the price. I just never thought
    that I would be here at this place in my life. I have always been such a energetic
    person who thrived on creativity. I can hardly even live anymore!

    I have a husband and son (17 yrs old) and they are very helpful. The only thing that bothers me is that my son says our house is depressing. When he gets home from school, I try to be up and put on a pretend face. I muster up all the energy that I can to greet him, get him
    a snack and visit with him about his day.

    Who am I kidding? He knows that his mom is not well. I know that depresses him.
    He always wants to be over at his friends' houses. The other mom's are energetic,
    play tennis, work out and have a tremendous social life. I know because my son
    tells me about the parties.

    Sometimes I feel really insecure about losing my husband. He works at a nursery and it keeps him fit and tanned. We have been married for 20 years and he is very loving and does as much as he can to help. We do have a strong spiritual life and we are very committed
    to marriage...I hope it's enough.

    So, anyway, back to crashes...now a way of life for me...sad.

    Thanks for reading this.


  15. sascha

    sascha Member

    i just saw my post pop up again, and what i wrote remains so true. it helps ENORMOUSLY to know others are going through same experiences and tribulations. sorry you are, but boy it helps reading others' accounts. i appreciate so much hearing your stories.

    same things going on recently. i spent couple of hours on beach with grandchildren- loved it- felt 'normal' for a bit. then CRASH and down i go for days. the sun, wind too much.

    i wonder if i'll find any help. i haven't checked into methylation block treatment. i should. it seems so complicated from what i read. and i went the valcyte route and that took a long time for treatment then recovery from the treatment.

    i just never dare commit to a plan. i can't. so often i'm not up to it when the time comes, or i go and can't stay.

    i hope and pray answers come along for us one of these days- would be nice if it happened this year. cheers to all you lovelies- sascha
  16. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Sascha, Im just like you---I make no commitments. My oldest DD, who has my grandson will ask when Im coming to visit. She lives two hours away. The answer is always I dont know. When Im in the car on my way you know Im coming. I hate it but such is the fact of my life. Holidays are a nightmare...the usual dinners, etc. at my house then DH has his side that has one dinner, party, what have you and all involve travelling. They DO NOT understand my situation. Invariably family disputes arise which stresses me further. Large xmas celebrations where its not uncommon for at least 50 people to be there. Im expected to be 1 of the few on the cleanup team. Wonder why I dread these so-called festivities? I havent attended the last two years. He refuses to go wo me. Says WE are his family and wants to be where we are. Sorry---I could go on and on about this---Rebecca
  17. quanked

    quanked Member

    You describe parts of what I go through so well. The sprial down and it is never much of a spriral up.

    And the distortion--I know it so well and it makes me feel crazy sometimes.

    I cannot imagine having company--I just cannot do it anymore. The rare time I am in a social situation I find myself just wanting to get out. If I meet someone i like and would like to become friends with I end up depressed. I cannot do friendship anymore because I cannot do the follow through stuff.

    Thanks for posting. It is a comforting feeling to know that there are others out in the world who understand what I feel.