EXPLOTION - on Me!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by debfee11, Feb 5, 2006.

  1. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    I am 1 week old to the computer world & this site. I find it exciting to hear from everyone all over the world and comforting and sorrowful all at the same time. Anyway last night my husband & I had to go to a banquet that u bought tickets for for his friends from the Firehouse. My husband isn't a member (too old & has severe degenerated disc disease) Thank God I felt ok because I hate to not be able to go somewhere when he wants to. My husband most of the time helps me and "acts" like he's understanding of FM. Our life is very stressful because he also is in pain but won't take meds. We also live in a 2 family type dwelling with my parents sharing a kitchen. My dad is 87 and my mom is 76 and diagnosed with terminal cancer. Also in order to survive financially we babysit 3 toddlers full time 5 days a week. I could not pay for my meds if I didn't do this even tho I get some free from the drug companies.(I love the kids & teach them also) OK back to last nite.... We went to the place and we couldn't sit where it was planned so husband "J" I'll call him was ******. He was already angered all day over another thing but didn't know I knew that. So he starts to drink all different drinks. I noticed him lokking a bit shloshed and he started getting a bit louder. Now J is a very well loved man from everybody. He's funny caring and helpful to all. Now we leave to come home and we had coffee and no more drinks so he insists he is fine and can drive home. So we pull away and get to the corner and he's going to go the wrong way. I'm like J just let me drive because u don't even know where you're going. He gets Mad and says OH You're so perfect. I made a little mistate so now I'm drunk? I say nothing and he keeps on ragging over & over about the mistake. I now am ****** and told him to just shut up already. We were only about 3 miles from home. Now he starts up more and starts squeezing my arm/wrist really hard. I pulled away and swung my hand back and hit his cheek . I immediately said I was SORRY!! I really didn't mean to lash out - I'm sorry sorry sorry. Now SILENCE .... He now starts telling me that I'm so PERFECT like my mother blah blah blah... I say yeah well you are a big dissapointment to me and you are a fake person. Everybody thinks you're such a FUN guy and so caring but you are a fake just like YOUR Mother. Well here comes the explosion!!! He pushes his foot on the brake and grabs my HAIR and starts bashing my head down and pulling hair all over.(my head and hair always hurt & sensitive)Now he starts punching my upper back & sholders while pressing my head down on the seat! I started to hear ringing sounds in my ears and screamed "J stop you are killing me!" He let up and I pushed & jumped out of the car! He sped away!! By now I was only a few blocks away so I managed to get up. Lost a shoe and walked home thankful that no one saw what happened. This only happened once before maybe 25 yrs. ago when he was bad depressed. I came in the house & called my daughter crying. He pulled the plug from the phone jack. I'm sorry this is so long. I hate my crappy life. My daughter said to tell him to leave but when there is no money, what do you do? Oh I probably shouldn't even post this. My point is that we are all under so much pressure from our pain that every part of our life is affected. Thanks for reading this if you got to the end. Love Debness XXX

    [edited for content as per rules]

  2. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    Im so sorry!!! YOu have so much on you! I am starting to pray right now.I am so glad you told us and didnt keep it to yourself. Arent you so glad we found these people where we can open up. Im sorry this happened last night and for all that you deal with each day. Please dont let the physical abuse go on any longer. I do understand.I have watched my only sister live in similar circumstancesall of her married life. She also feels stuck with chrons. Her husband threatens to leave her all the time. I do alot of praying for her too. I hope today will settle things down.

  3. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    That is only by the Grace of God you were not killed last night. True, he was drinking and also true, this may not have happened had he not been. But the fact is, it did happen and it only takes one explosion like that, we all know, and people can very well wind up dead. And that is irreversible.

    I would hope, in a way, that even if hungover, he is really apologetic today. Then again, most abusers are after the fact. And that, sweetie, went beyond abuse, he was torturing you and bringing up things which he had obviously had bottled up, but thought and felt for a long, long time.

    So my advice, and while it is worth nothing, I know, but it would be to find somewhere to go. Both to give him a cooling off period and hey-shake him up. Let him know you mean business and that this type of behavior, whether alcohol related or not, will never, ever be tolerated again. Please, take care of yourself and don't allow him to make you become a statistic. Any man, drunk or sober, who would do that to the woman he is supposed to love or cherish.....needs help, not enabling, but serious, serious help.
  4. shan1078

    shan1078 New Member

    I just hope that venting this has helped ease the stress and pain. Sometimes it does for me.

    I've gone thru my own 'marital' problems. And by the grace of god, they have subsided, and we delt with them. So far so good. Everyone has to deal in their own way. I hope this msg. board helps you do that.

    We're here for you
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR. I am concerned because you also are a babysitter-what if he "explodes" on them next time?

    He attacked you and that is not only immoral but illegal. You know what you need to do. Once a hitter always a hitter. Even 25 years apart.

    Does he emotionally abuse you when not hitting? My DH struggles with head trauma, our alzheimers father, our autistic son and my illness and we are poor, yet he would never abuse me.

    Why didn't he abuse a stranger? Because he would have been arrested is why.

    Love Anne
  6. laspis1

    laspis1 New Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is not right and there is no excuse. We all live with pain and still do not become abusive. I went through a lot myself and finally ended it with a divorce. I still think that this is partially a reason for why I got so sick. Do not feel bad about posting, because no one here would judge you. Please take care of yourself. I just wanted you to know we are here for you.
  7. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    Ther is so much more stress than I could even say, for both of us. I would Love to go somewhere or kick his butt out but, with my mother so ill, she would get more stressed and worried. God knows I don't need more guilt and aggravation from my Mom. I can't wait to see the kids tomorrow. At least they love me all up and I them. My friend is coming to pick me up now so maybe I'll unstress a bit. Dear friends somehow always make you feel better at least for the moment. I know he needs medication and I wish I could just disappear but I guess this is what is supposed to happen in my life. And I'm just too weak right now t do something to change it. Love to all Deb XXXp.s.
  8. Terry383

    Terry383 New Member

    I have been there, get out, report him to the police. That is assault. Go to a hospital ER and get examined.

    You will never be able to get him to have help for anger management unless he is forced.

    I would rather starve to death than be beaten to death, anyhow there is plenty of help out there for abused women, have no idea where you live but I know of no place that doesn't have something to help you.

    Find an emergency shelter, a social work department, a police dept. (they are the ones who helped me).

    I have one regret, that I did not get out the first time he hit me. Since I left life has been great and I have successfully hidden out for 44 years.

    Life is too short spending it being beaten, and in fear.

    My advice = GO NOW.
  9. Shadowsfire

    Shadowsfire New Member

    What you can do is press charges aginst him and he will be arrested. Then get in contact with your nearest battered women center. They will help you and get you the help you need to either get him the help he needs to get better, or to get him the heck out of your life. When it comes to your own safety money is nothing. He has no excuse for what he did to you that is good enough, and next time you won't fare so well, and yes there will be a next time.
    Why are you glad that no one saw? Its not something to be ashamed and hidden at least not for you. Please get some help, its free and may make the difference between life and death, yours.
  10. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    That sounds like a terrible night!! So sorry, you dont deserve that, of course.

    I know that you cant leave your mom and dad there, and I dont think that a shelter is going to take care of ALL of you and you wont have enough money for all of you to leave, quit the babysitting and what income you have right now. Its easier said than done - to leave, I mean yes you should leave, absolutely, BUT realistically how can you???HOW??

    How is he acting today or the next day after the incident. You might have the chance to get some sort of counciling for him for free or vey low cost??? Does he do any of the income earning at the house?? IF not, he should leave until he can cool down and you figure out the next step.

    Keep posting , people DO care.

  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I think you need to call the police and have him arrested for assault and battery. Get away from this maniac!!!

    Ask the police about a womens shelter or go stay with your daughter until you can get state aid.

    You can get help, there are agencies and womens shelters that will help you. You do not have to live like this.

    Please do something.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/06/2006]
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    but you must seek it...

  13. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

  14. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I think you need to have a good long talk with your husband and a long think about your future.

    This disease of ours can ravage every area of our lives not just our bodies. I'm not excusing your husband, what he did is violent and totally inexcusable but you need to find out why?

    If possible perhaps you should put some distance between yourselves until you can work things out.

    Take good care of yourself meanwhile.

  15. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    What he said in the car,he had been holding in-this is not love.people don't say things like thatif they love you.I lived with an abusive father and an emotional abusive husband.They twist your mind and make you feel responsible for their actions.If he hit the kids you could be in jail as an accessory.I don't know your particular situation but I will pray you find an answer.LInda
  16. kalley167

    kalley167 New Member

    I can't tell you what you should do, you have to make that decsion but never feel as if there is no way out. There are agencies out there that can help you. There are people who you can at least talk to and get suport from. God Bless you I hope you are ok.