extra sensitive/frustration

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by artyreader, Aug 7, 2011.

  1. artyreader

    artyreader Member

    I've always been sensitive (both in the 'good' ways, and in not so comfortable ways) but, after 15 years with these illnesses, I find myself hyper sensitive, especially to rejection, even a difficult interaction with someone and though I am already well into middle age, I do not experience peace of mind very often anymore, and I find myself more lonely and yearning, yet, when i try to form relationships with others, it's almost impossible now (plus in the last several years, my "support system" is much much smaller than before--due to losing friends, and the death of my mother)

    --I do make the effort, as much as I can, to meet new people and yet it's just not happening, and I dread each passing year now, as I live in poverty and sick and now, very very much alone (most of people around me are go go go and super busy and though I've reached out, they have their lives and no one seems to have "room" for me)

    --I no longer can work, and I no longer feel useful or wanted. I was invited to many things, now, no longer and most people don't want to really get to know me anymore--it's easy for someone to say "Oh,forget about them, who needs them?" but when you are this lonely and isolated, it's not easy. Most of us are social animals to one degree or the other, and it's not wrong to want to be a friend and have a friend. Thanks for listening!
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so sorry you feel so lonely and isolated. As the years go by, I engage socially less and less. I think many here can relate. As Jam said, we sometimes just have to accept our new reality. I could socialize more but it just isn't worth the effort for me. I do think that, once we are sick and living on liminted funds, it takes more and more effort to be social. I was a real party person after my divorce so I don't feel as though I've missed anything. I am an only child so I learned early on how to entertain myself. I can see how hard this would be for someone used to having people around and being on the go. In the winter, when the snowbirds come down, I socialize some but I often find it too tiring.

    In most towns, there are church groups, free seminars and even neighbors where one can get a dose of socializing. As for feeling that others aren't attracted to us, this is often part of our illnesses. I think it's a low level of depression and the less we get social affirmation, the more we feel this way. Sometimes, it takes more effort on our part to be extra nice in order to fit in. If we turn this upside down and consider that others may be feeling unloved or unliked, and we do our best to put them at ease, it often makes us more attractive to them. We are not the only ones for whom socializing is difficult. We may not like everyone, and everyone may not like us, but we have to first like ourselves and assume that others will like us too. It's amazing how changing one's perspective can attract others. Oh, and don't worry about who likes us and who doesn't. The cream of relationships and friendships will rise to the top.

    Love, Mikie
  3. sascha

    sascha Member

    there's no getting around it. i'm doing problem-solving much of the time to help find my way. i think the feeling of helplessness can really bring us down- sooo problem-solving to whatever degree possible. energy, sense of well-being, and money can be way low- but find something for yourself nonetheless-- one day after feeling isolated and out of it i went down to city center main library. just immersed myself in life going on there. wandered around. get a take out tea/coffee/decaf- sit outside- take a good book. look around. get a change of scene. find a good book to take back. it's not that huge an outing but it made a difference for me.

    i found painting and it's something i can do when i'm able to. is there a gentle, non-demanding, city-sponsored class you could join? you'd get a bit of interaction and maybe find something interesting to put your attention into?

    any support groups? i want to find another support group of some kind- just to get interaction and place to talk and listen to others.

    find all possibilities you can- problem solve your way to creating something unique just for you. is it easy? no. is it worthwhile? oh my goodness yes. even the very fact that it's hard, yet you persevere and make something happen for yourself is HUGE in boosting your spirits. it's you working on behalf of you- very best of luck- sascha
  4. limbo

    limbo Member

    I hope you are on disabilty, and a anti-depressant.

    Find a support group, and a small church. Maybe counseling even if it is online. Learn to love yourself, don't let the negative overcome your thinking.

    I'm having good results with acupuncture. Working is not your identity.