Family member who has screwed up...needing advice...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sunny14, Feb 19, 2007.

  1. sunny14

    sunny14 New Member

    Hi.
    My husband has depression, and has had it for a very long time. This winter, he is in the worst depression I have ever seen... and today... unfortunately, I was really mean to him. I did the things that the depression websites say not to do (i.e. called him lazy). I just need some ideas on how to cope with this. We have a toddler, who my partner is unable to play with due to his depression, and he is sleeping until noon most days (then he leaves for work)... and is very disconnected. I don't mean to be self-focused... the purpose of this message is to ask if anyone has any ideas on how I can redeem myself, so that he sees me as supportive... Jeeze... This is so tough. I feel so badly for him ~ and now even worse, because he is feeling more alone then ever after my little fit. Any ideas?!?!
  2. GRMonLI

    GRMonLI New Member

    sometimes the simple things really do work!


    Good luck
  3. Grammcrkrs

    Grammcrkrs New Member

    If he's not taking some kind anti-depressant, he should be...that's sad he can't play with the little one. Everyone is missing out. And how about counseling for you both?

    As for your feeling so bad, don't kick yourself so hard. All of us have breaking points...we can tolerate something so long, and then we snap like a rubberband...we're only human!

    As for making up..how about a nice card? or something sweet on his pillowcase...or both?

    :) Gramms
  4. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    It is hard for "normal folks" to understand that we just can't help it. Yes ... we can be lazy ... but we don't want to be. My Mom was really bad about calling me lazy etc. She just couldn't "grasp" that I was ill. I am sure that it is hard on you to have to do everything and try to walk on eggshells while you do it. You should probably go to some sort of counseling with him.
  5. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    Apologizing is a great first step.

    This must be real hard to live with depression in a family especially with children.

    I hope he is either on medication or will get help. If he has been on a medication for a while maybe he needs to change if it isn't helping?

    Take care I hope he will forgive quickly and get back to helping himself get better.
  6. lv2sing

    lv2sing New Member

    We've all been depressed at some time, so don't feel so bad that you we're hard on him. It happens to all of us. No one can be around that all the time, & not get a little depressed themselves, discouraged, however you want to put it.
    I have only 1 comment, or suggestion. If he is not on meds, he needs to get on them. If he IS, & it's been some time, I would take him back to the doctor to get re-evaluated. My last comment, I say NOT to hurt, or scare you. It is only out of concern. I had a family member that was very close to his friend, for almost 50 yrs. This person had major depression. Out of the blue, my relative called this person to check up on him,& see how he was doing. He told my relative that his depression was really bad, the worse it had ever been. My relative told him he sounded good, because he seemed very "up" on the phone. Well, it turned out, a week later, he killed himself. I'm not trying, in ANY way to upset you, only to have you be aware to look for signs that may have not been there for a while, such as sudden happiness, joy, playing w/ the baby,etc, because he may be happy because he may think of other alternatives...
    I hope I haven't offended you, I just really want you to be aware, & to keep an eye on him, & maybe call his physician or something. No one wants to think their family member is capable of something so horrid, but it does happen. Hopefully, you guys are close enough where he will confide in you, etc, & let you know if he is really feeling "bad". Again, I am only trying to help, I pray that he gets better, because he can!! I will keep you both in my thoughts & prayers this week. God Bless....
  7. sunny14

    sunny14 New Member

    Hi.

    Thank you all so much for your input. I have never posted anything online before, and was surprised, and very happy this morning to see all the responses. Yes, he is taking meds... just had them increased about 3 weeks ago, and it's not working yet (my partner says this). I did apologize last night... but he didn't speak anything in response to me. I guess it's just a matter of me being responsible for what I do/say and then he has to chose how to respond. With regard to the person who posted about suicide... I am not offended at all... he said that he feels like dying last night, and then I tried to really question him about it... but after you've torn someone's head off, it really doesn't set a good stage for an honest conversation. I will try again today.
    Thank you all so much.
    I appreciate it.
    Sunny14
  8. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    You are so insightful and honest about yourself. I really admire that.

    I work with a group that walks with people through hard times. One thing we were taught is to actually ask someone if they are considering suicide. If yes then ask if they have thought about how they would do it. This can help you evaluate how serious they are and help you decide the next steps to take, i.e. doctor, psychologist, etc.

    Hope this helps I really feel for you and what you are living through.