Family still doesnt get it!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hagardreams, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    I am just so upset with my family. I live with my hubby of 32 years, and my 31 year old son. They see on a day to day basis that I am in pain, and have a lot of fatigue.

    What is so upsetting is that even though they know that I have fibromyalgia, they just take me for granted. When I do have a good day, and I can actually vaccum the livingroom, and maybe do a load of laundry, they think that I should be able to do it all the time.

    I have very few family or friends that seem to be able to look at me and know when I am hurting, and tired.

    It so upsetting that no one seems to want to pitch in and help! My husband does from time to time, but he messes up just about anything that he does, and I think he does it on purpose just to get out of doing it again.

    Sorry, I just needed to vent. I got a flu shot, and then got the flu. I have been sick for 2 weeks, and that isnt helping the fibro or the diabetes at all! Blood sugars in the 300 and 400's, and move body aches to go along with the already pain that I live with.

    Thanks for listening!


    PITATOO Member

    I completely understand. I am a 47 yo male with CFIDS/FMS since I was 31. I do work fulltime and it is very tough on me to do anything besides work and the little I can do at home. I am divorced but I have my 20 yo daughter living with me. Or should I say she moves in and out every 3 months or so. Drives me insane. I know she is 20 but just the other night she said she was going to a friends for a couple of hours; this was about 8pm, I woke up at 2am and still her car was not in the driveway. She texted me the next morning that she fell asleep at someone's house and did not want to bother me. We she knows that I keep my phone on vibrate at night and have told her a hundered times that just send me a text. It is that simple. So I don't know if she has been in an accident etc. So things like that causes me flares. She knows it does. Even simple things like when she does her laundry she won't take it out of dryer or will leave wet clothes in the washer. It takes all my energy just to do my laundry. I have decided from now on that if it is left in either I am just going to dump it on the basement floor. I have told her 50 times that she needs to finish it when she starts it. She always says "well I would have done it" well that's not the point, when I do have the energy and time that's when I have to do it. She asks me when I am having a bad flare and have to stay home sick if she can do anything. Well yes, do the things that I have mentioned. Not just when I am having a bad flare. Another pet pieve of mine is her wearing shoes in the house. I have brand new carpeting and there is already spots on it from her wearing her shoes. Like you, when she does do something around the house she makes it worse and even harder for me to clean up. It may sound like silly stuff to get upset about but she knows how I am and how sick I am. You'd think she'd understand. When I go up to my house in MIchigan where my father lives, if I am going to be staying all night at a friends I let him know and I'm 47 and he's 76. It's simple respect. I don't want my Father to worry. I know I am venting also but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
  3. lisadot

    lisadot New Member

    Sorry to read about your struggles hagardreams. I think it's hard for an able-bodied person to understand how our bodies feel. I go to work, and come home and get all upset about the condition of my house. Since my daughter lives with my husband and I, and she is not working, I require she pitch in since we are paying for her insurance, etc. She's 22, and she also has fibro. 31 is a lot older, and certainly capable of pitching in, but is perhaps he is trying to get by with hiding from helping.

    Maybe a family meeting? You might ask them what they are able to do to help since you cannot perform all the cleaning tasks as you used to do. And in terms of your husband and his method to clean. I TOTALLY get that part!!!! It's hard to let go, and know that okay, so it (a chore) was done but NOT the way I would do it. It has to be okay. Or you drive yourself bonkers. If it's half-a**ed oh well. At least it's *done*.

    I know it stinks to have to ask what seems to be the obvious. It's too bad things aren't just taken care of when one person can see there's a need for help. I guess it's just human nature at times. I'm sure they love you, but I can imagine it doesn't feel like it at times, especially when you feel taken for granted.
  4. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    lisadot sounds like you do understand.

    I really dont care much about how things are done, what is so upsetting, is when my hubby loads the dishwasher, and the dishes never come clean. Then I have to do them all over again. I really dont know if he is doing it on purpose or not. I have showed him how to make sure the dishes are rinsed off before he puts them in, and make sure that he doesnt put too much in there at the same time. He still does it wrong. I just want to scream! But as most of you know even screaming hurts sometimes!

    I dont know if there is an answer for any one of us, but I know that I pray that I cannot see this house when I am dead! LOL.

    Thanks for listening!
  5. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I'm in the same boat, nobody helps around my house either! And if I do ask for help, it rarely does any good. My house is a mess and when I'm stuck at home all the time feeling like sh**, it just makes me feel worse.

    I can only do a little bit at a time, but never enough to keep up or ever get ahead of the game. I'm so discouraged, in fact I was about ready to post about this subject when I saw this thread.

    I'm so tired of this vicious cycle, feel a bit better, try to catch up, get flared up, then depressed and discouraged. It never ends.