Family thinks I'm Lazy!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by luv2float, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    THEY STILL DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    After all this time trying to explain my disabilities I get "you're the laziest person I know" and "maybe if you move around a bit you'll feel better".

    Well, screw them! I'm so sick and tired of explaining that I'm so sick and tired. I'm done, they can think what they want. If I can't do something that needs to be done or cancel a party at the last minute then they'll just have to get over it.

    I'm not going to care what anybody else thinks anymore!!

    Thanks for listening.
  2. loto

    loto Member

    I so know where you're coming from!!!!!!! My husband and teenage daughter really don't get it either! My husband complains about not having enough sex, and because I'm always falling asleep by 9:00. Wonder what he would say if I couldn't get out of bed at all?!?!? I'm fortunate enough to still be able to work and get up each day with this stupid FM! I tell him it could be a lot worse! My daughter calls me lazy also. I am tired of trying to explain to her how I feel, and that I really can't help it! I don't know if she's intentionally being stubborn and mean to me by not listening, or if it's her way of acting out because she doesn't want me to have something wrong. Know what I mean? My 18 year old son is really the only one in my household who doesn't give me a hard time. He's pretty supportive of me, and helps out when I ask him to. And, they think it's just pain associated with fibromyalgia. I always have to explain that it's not all pain, so many other things are involved also. Oh, yeah, and my daughter calls me a pill popper! I don't care, I say, if it helps, I don't care.
    Thanks to you too for listening to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    take care and hang in there
  3. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    My relatives are monsters. When my mother passed away, they treated me like I was a mentally ill child. And they gave me horrible looks when I said I was on disability and could not work. They just act like I'm the fat, lazy cousin of the family that doesn't want to work. Nevermind the fact that about thirty different doctors over the years all agree that I have severe CFIDS, Advanced Lyme Disease, with overlapping FM and I cannot work because of it. And even the government Office of Vocational Rehab said I am too sick to do anything and will not allow me to work. These relatives refuse to believe this. They don't get it that I can only leave the house two to three times a month. And that's only for groceries, an odd errand or if I have to go to the doctor. Going out for those things puts me down for almost a week. They have no clue. I had an idiot cousin tell me, "Oh, we're all Advanced Lyme, but we get on with our lives." No they aren't. She's just an idiot that isn't sick. She ought to try having Advanced Lyme.

    I don't think anyone will ever understand unless they have it.
  4. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Yes, unfortunately people cannot understand unless they've lived w these dds. It took several yrs for my husband to really "get" it. I have gotten progressively worse and now I spend days at a time in bed. Seeing all the tests, dr appts, supplements and meds I have to take now makes him realize I am really sick.

    Even if folks seem to understand, it seems they quickly forget. My family is very supportive, but I still get the guilt trips when I don't travel 6+ hrs by car to visit at the holidays and wkends. I simply cannot drive that far alone anymore, it's just too much for me to safely do.

    All we can do is listen to our bodies and not worry about what others think. It's very difficult tho, somedays are better than others. Just take care of yourself or you'll just get worse.

    Take care and Happy Flippin New Year... :) Hermit
  5. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Fortunately, I think my family is finally starting to get it, but there is still so much that they don't really understand....and it has taken them 4 1/2 yrs to even begin to understand.

    I live alone, which is becoming more difficult, and I don't work, so the financial stuff is really bad, too, and many people do not get that either....and they think that I am being lazy, and getting handouts....yeah, I love not having enough to live on and not being able to use my degree and not being able to be a contributing member of society.....they somehow overlook the fact that I also have absolutely no life, don't get to socialize much at all, don't get to do the things that I enjoy, etc.

    I am blessed, though, to have some friends who do understand enough to still be there, even though I cannot often get together with them. They don't understand a lot about what it is like for me, but they do understand enough and trust me enough to know that I am not making it up.

    The comment that I have had a lot from less understanding people, though, that really gets me is, "Oh, I get tired too." (implied is that I am just being lazy....although I have actually had someone ask me outright how I know that I am not just being least she was genuinely asking, not saying that I am) I want to scream when I hear the tired comment, though. Before I had this dd, there were times when I worked full time, went to school full time, took care of everything else that needed done, etc, slept as little as 3 hours a night many nights, exercised at least once a day, and still managed to have a yeah, I think I know what it is like to feel non-CFS tired. This is SO different than that, and it drives me nuts when people insist that it's not.
  6. msjhawk

    msjhawk New Member

    I slept all day today because I have been on the go all week and needed today to catch up. I hurt all over, had aches and pains, and total exhaustion. (pretty typical day)

    I went down to my parents and asked my dad for a pain pill. Well if you wouldn't lay around on your a** all day you would feel better....... I just get so mad it is not like I want my life to be like this.

    I wish you luck in not caring what others say. If you find a way please share with me.

    Happy New Year,
  7. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    they would listen and believe us . It seems that people are so interested in themselves that they can't see how much we are hurting until it starts changing their lives and their schedules.

    When someone has walked in our shoes then they know what it feels like. The thing that bothers me is the talking behind my back. My family was doing this at Christmas time and they didn't know that I could hear them . No apologies when I told them that I heard everything.

    When we got into the car to go home , my daughter said " Wow , it is like blame everything on you , mom ." Yep , unfortunately , I have always been the scapegoat in my family and now they think that they are all justified in talking about me. It seems like they just have more fodder to feed the fire now.

    All the "shes lazy" and " she just doesn't try" and the " why aren't you helping ? everyone is tired of doing all the work?" I decided to give it a try and had to lean on the edge of the sink to help with doing dishes until I had to sit down or I would fall down.

    I try to forgive , thinking that they are just ignorant , which is true. I also refuse to take the blame for things all the time . I won't play the co-dependent game anymore and that just makes me more of a black sheep. You know what ? I choose to be true to myself and to be the best mom that I can be . I choose to hurt if I hurt and not to try and cover it up . THEY are the ones that have a real problem , not me.

  8. loto

    loto Member

    Yeah, just the other day my husband seemed to think I'd be better off without taking all the meds I take, and I just need to get more excercise. Why does he say these things? I've explained all that I experience to him, and he still says these stupid things!!!!!! I told him the meds are what keeps me out of bed all the time, and I do excercise 20 minutes per day on my gazelle, which is the longest amount of time my body allows me. I guess I could go off the meds and just stay in bed all day without doing the things I am able to do, just to prove to him that it's not possible!!!!!!!!!!! No, I've decided I'm tired of trying to prove to him and my daughter that I'm not being lazy, this is now the "real me", good or bad, they can take it or leave it!!!!!!!!!!
  9. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Up until 6 months ago, I was living on my own. It was fabulous... no one to judge me, eat, sleep, work, tidy up when I felt like it.

    Now I live with Mr Perfect, he's up at 6 to go to the gym, I get a dirty look if I so much as leave a cup in the sink, I swear he picks up every speck of dust, full dinner is at 7 (mind you, he does do the cooking, but most of the time, I'm choking it down in order to not hurt his feelings, cause i"m not used to heavy meals), oh, yeah, and let me throw in the little hints about how fat I'm getting.

    See my previous post about how he said I'm in pain cause I'm out of shape. And a few minutes later, he said you'll be sorry someday for all those pills you take....and I HATE taking pills and only take the minimum of anything.

    I've had it, I make my own living. I moved in cause I am waiting for my new house to be built in the spring - supposedly we're moving there together. Fat chance! I'm ready to walk away from the 20k I put down on the house and moving back into a little home that's all mine!

    Sorry for the rant, but I feel better now.

    sue in Ontario
  10. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Hi....My Name is Fibromyalgia, and I'm an Invisible Chronic Illness. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can't see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I'm in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over. Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn't ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I'm here to stay!

    I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I'm rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day. Your family, friends and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I'm a debilitating disease. Some of they will say things like "Oh, you are just having a bad day" or "Well, remember, you can't do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago", not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a "Normal" person, and can't remember what you were going to say next!

    In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia.
  11. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    Thanks everyone for your responses. It really does help to be able to chat with people who "get it".

  12. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    Hi luv2float - nice name, makes sense with the whole fibro thing huh?

    My family has never come out and said things exactly like that, but, my family has said



    The worst - is when it is completely ignored. I've had some tests run recently and had to be fitted for a CPAP machine, do you think anyone in my family asked how that was? NOPE. I'm sure they think I'm a hypochondriac, but they don't have to live in this body?

    I'm 41 and have had this disease for about 4 to 5 years now and they have never understood and I guess I'm not asking that they understand 100%, but at least try AND STOP with the belittling comments to me!

    May I ask how old you are luv2float - you see like you have a good head on your shoulders and I wish I could have your attitude. There are several times we've had get togethers that I was just sooooooo tired, but I went anyway....I think I will try to learn from your strength. KEEP ON POSTING!!
  13. SCAP

    SCAP New Member

    Im in the same boat ,my family thinks that this isnt real,,,,,,they blamed all my pain meds,,,,,so i quit taking all of them in dec 2008,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I havent worked since aug 2008,,and now they are saying its been long enough??
    my dr is excited about Salvella,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but none of those ssri and snri work for me,,,,,,,,,so I really dont kniow what to do ,,,,,,,,,,,,ive been taking melatoni,g.a.b.a.vit b's,,and alot of "natural " fibromyalgia remedies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,they dont work for me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so now i sit here in pain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i have a box full of pain meds,,l,ortab,,,tramadol,,,,zanaflex,,,,ect
    I know i could relive my pain temporarily,,,,,,,,,,,but then i will physcially addicted again,,as my tolerance grows,,,,,,,,,,,thats why i qiut before,,plus family pressure,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I just dont see a happy ending in sight!!!!!!!!!!!! plus im sure if i start on pain meds again,,,,,,,,,,then they will throw it in my face and say im weak,,,,,,,,,,,even though i was taking them as prescribed,,,,,and my dr is still willing to give me more if i want it,,,,they think that i use fibro as a excuse to take pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh its soooo frustrating,,,,,,,,,,,i have posted fibro info ,,printed info,,,,,,,,,,,talked about it until i was exhausted,,,,,,,,,,shown them youtube videos about fibro,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and shown them diagnosis proof,,,,,,,,,,,a letter from my dr,,,,,,,,ect ,,people just cant empathize unless it affects them!!
    so like you i think i just cant care what they think