FAMOUS QUOTATIONS....(to put a smile on your faces)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by namow, Oct 11, 2005.

  1. namow

    namow New Member

    FAMOUS QUOTATIONS.........

    "Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you
    should have remained a virgin."
    - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th president Jimmy Carter)

    "I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
    to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against
    a wall."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt

    "Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
    have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
    statement."
    - Mark Twain

    "The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
    and to have the two as close together as possible."
    - George Burns

    "Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
    - Victor Borge

    "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
    - Mark Twain

    "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."
    - Mark Twain

    "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
    get" a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    - Socrates

    "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
    - Groucho Marx

    "My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
    to breathe."
    - Jimmy Durante

    "The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness,
    can be trained to do most things."
    - Jilly Cooper

    "I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."
    - Zsa Zsa Gabor

    "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
    groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."
    - Alex Levine

    "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
    nothing. It was here first."
    - Mark Twain

    "My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."
    - Ed Furgol

    "Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form
    of misery."
    - Spike Milligan

    "What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
    - Henny Youngman

    "I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
    position."
    - Mark Twain

    "Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up."
    - Joe Namath

    "Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."
    - Herbert Henry Asquith

    "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
    nap."
    - Bob Hope

    "I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."
    - WC. Fields

    "We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
    through Congress."
    - Will Rogers

    "Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid
    you."
    - Winston Churchill

    "Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to
    wear out, fall out, or spread out."
    - Phyllis Diller

    "The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out."
    - Unknown

    "By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
    anywhere."
    - Billy Crystal
  2. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Thanks for some good laughs.

    I enjoyed it and a good laugh is so healthy!
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    LOL I have a few more to add that I've collected:

    "Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience" ~ Dilbert

    The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. - Anonymous

    THE GRASS NEXT DOOR MAY BE GREENER,
    BUT IT'S JUST AS HARD TO CUT .... (Anon)

    The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -GK Chesterton

    "Let not the sands of time get in your lunch."
    - National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"

    I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -- Rita Rudner

    Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. -Anonymous

    Never say 'OOPS!' Always say 'Ah, Interesting!' - anonymous

    "The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it."

    "WE'RE TOO SOON OLD AND TOO LATE SMART" -?

    "Don't talk while I'm interrupting. -?

    If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. - Professor Irwin Corey

    "So I'm consistently doing my regular exercises: jogging my memory and jumping to conclusions." -anonymous

    "Reality is only fun when you have more than one." -?

    "I'll let you be in my dream, if I can be in yours." -?

    "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one." -Albert Einstein

    "Don't let reality spoil your dreams" -?

    Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. - Quentin Crisp

    The highways of life are full of flat squirrels who couldn't make up their minds. - Unknown
    (--perhaps this is why they are called 'roadents'?)

    ---

    LOL,
    Victoria




    [This Message was Edited on 10/12/2005]
  4. auntcon

    auntcon New Member

    Thank you for posting LOL the best medicine!
    Connie
  5. orachel

    orachel New Member

    Mae West....

    A good man is like linoleum. If you lay it right the first time, you can walk all over it for 40 years!

    And anonymous...

    The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.

    Can;'t think of any others right now, but will bop in as they occur to me...

    Hugs, Rachel