Fatigue from talking on the phone - you too?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DemonFairy, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. DemonFairy

    DemonFairy New Member

    I know this was touched on in the PEM discussion, but I'd like to hear from more people to see if you feel like I do. I can write an occasional long email in the middle of the night, but just the thought of talking on the phone exhausts me. My family doesn't understand, because of course, talking on the phone doesn't exhaust *them*. I've had to turn off all my ringers and turn off the volume on the answering machine because everything about the phone tires me out - the noise, the talking, the expectations of talking, etc. I don't use the phone for contacting anyone, unless it's an appointment or something that can't be done online.

    How many of you have the same problem? I know it's the FM (or CFIDS), because I never minded talking on the phone before I got sick. No, it wasn't my favorite thing in the world to do (after working for three years at United Airlines in reservations literally tied to a phone all day, every day), but it didn't fill me with dread at the fatigue that would hit me while on the phone and for hours afterward.

    Help me inform my family that I'm not some big anti-social weirdo, that talking on the phone really *is* something that affects me physically.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/25/2009]
  2. luckyman

    luckyman New Member

    I can do a little reading, research, reply to an e-mail, or post, but phone calls are very wearing. It seems very strange doesn't it? A few minutes on the phone can take its toll. It's really hard to understand why the pain starts ramping up, the headache starts/worsens ....even when you like the person and want to hear from them!
  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    If you only knew how many times our phone rang and I said to my husband "I'm not talking" before he answers it.

    What's worse is that one of my part time job requires me to talk to some people often. I have to be upbeat. I can't stand it. It effects me mentally more than anything. It's draining. I don't have much to say.
    I often say, "I need to call" so and so.

    My BF actually says "You never call me!" She's the one that doesn't get this AT ALL. Forget even trying to explain it to her. Too tired. Don't want to hear her tone in her response.

    Hate the phone - hate my cell phone worse. Don't call me on my cell phone unless it's an emergency and you can't reach me at home. I have people that call me on my cell first no matter how many times I tell them not to. ARGGGHHHH.

    I completely get where you're coming from!
  4. jaynesez

    jaynesez New Member

    if I had one dollar for everytime I get yelled at for not calling and/or answering my phone, I wouldn't have to work anymore! I have an office job, the phones are ringing all day, have to also be "up beat" and hate the phone more than anything!! Hate it, hate it, HATE IT!! I too dread each call, dread the complaining, and my DH calls me five times a day, it drives me nuts. Definately, count me in
  5. loto

    loto Member

    I'm the exact same way! I do not like talking on the phone either, and would rather type or write to someone.
    I practically cringe when my cell phone rings. The only time I actually answer it is if it's one of my kids who are teenagers.
    If I see it's my mother or sister, I just ignore it. I feel bad for doing that, but I just can't bring myself to answer it. Sometimes I'll even hand my phone to my husband and tell him to talk to them!
    I don't know how to tell my family this, my husband has told my mother that I don't answer the phone at night because I'm too tired, but she still calls, anyway. And then she never really wants anything important! She just asks all kinds of questions about nothing in particular and that really wears me out.
    Hope we can get it through to our families somehow....
  6. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    they totally drain me, too, and if I am too exhausted before I even start talking, I have a really hard time focusing on the conversation and/or being able to process the words that the other person is saying, let alone figuring out how to respond.....so yeah if I am too tired, I just do not talk on the phone
  7. skeptik2

    skeptik2 Member

    no, I don't mean aliens have arrived, lol!

    My phone is always on low ring, low answering machine volume, etc., and
    I never answer a call until I have the mental energy and know I will have the
    time to rest for the next day afterwards.

    I never give my cell phone number to anyone except my family at home,
    so they can call me if I am overdue from going somewhere. I do not give
    it to family members; it is for emergency use only. Whoever leaves the
    house takes it with them, so they can call 911 or home if needed.

    When I rest, I can put my phone on 'do not disturb' and no one in the house
    will hear it ring or answering machine kicking in...but everyone in my home
    has M.E. and understands.

    When I use mental energy, I have no physical energy for hours, maybe a
    full day, and the converse is true. If i must use the physical, I really screen
    myself from mental work at the same time because I don't have a brain to
    use afterwards.

    I save my 'special phone calls' with best friend for late at night, as the cortisol
    levels are peaking then, and i can actually have a good one hour talk and
    then go to bed afterwards. We both have M.E., so when we begin to slur
    or misuse common words, we understand it's time to stop. Hard to do with
    family, though, so I call THEM when I feel like it, and they leave messages
    with me...they get the idea over time. They know I'll call back if it's an
    emergency, otherwise, when I am able.

  8. I'm so with janalyn when she said "If you only knew how many times our phone rang and I said to my husband "I'm not talking" before he answers it."

    THAT IS ME!( except when my daughter calls)
  9. sascha

    sascha Member

    so true; so true

    i only have my cell phone; i don't answer it most of the time, and i realize i put myself down for this. but i CAN'T talk on the phone without severe repercussions, so of course i shy away from it.

    if my sons call, i'll pick up. if i'm in a spot of adequate energy and a friend calls, i'll pick up. i let message-taker deal with most calls.

    my cell phone is well-trained and i don't get many calls. a silent phone is a good phone, but of course we need a phone in case of emergency.

    really perked me up to read this post and the replies- thank you- Sascha
  10. jole

    jole Member

    My hubby gets very irritated at me. I WILL NOT answer the phone. Whoever calls can leave a message and he can call them back when he gets in at night. For awhile I couldn't even talk to our own kids....I wanted to, I just couldn't!

    First, as you all said, it took too much energy just to keep up with the conversation, and answering them took even more. After a few minutes I was totally exhausted, and could barely understand or talk!

    Second, it depressed me to hear anyone rattle on about their life, their problems, their happiness, whatever....when my world had ended. I'm much better on this point now since I've accepted that my life probably isn't going to change, and I have to accept everyone else's will continue as is.

    Third, I never could remember what the conversation was about when I got off the phone anyway. It was just easier for my hubby to talk and tell me about it.

    I do have to say after 7 years I am doing somewhat better with all this, but I still do not MAKE phone calls...and answer very few.......................Jole
  11. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    I do answer phones. I go to coffee each a.m. and I probably don't talk to anyone for the rest of the day. My DH passed away May 17th so I am alone in the house with Maggie, my cat.

    My kids live away - son #1 lives 2 1/2 hrs. away and calls 2 times, maybe, a week. Son #2 lives 2 1/2 hrs. away and calls late Sun. eve. Daughter lives 6 1/2 yrs. away and calls when she has time. Nine grandkids don't call at all.

    I look forward to a call - I went from Mon. thru Thur. last week and the phone never rang! I was sooooo lonesome. It is my friend.

    Thanks for your commengts anyway.

  12. m1she11e

    m1she11e New Member

    I have been feeling lots better but I wont even get into that right now.

    The one thing that can knock me down on even my best days is a LONG phone call. Anything over a half an hour will ruin me for hours. When I was really sick (up until a few months ago)
    I only answered the phone on rare occasion and NEVER in the evening as I was too exhausted to speak. I dont know if it is EMF's or what?????

    I only have a cell phone and I wonder if that makes a difference??

  13. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I am the same way! It is very weird.

    I WANT to talk, but just too exhausted to
  14. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    Me too, big time. I put off and put off calling people back, and I feel so guilty.

    My MIL has complained to my dh SEVERAL times about me not answering the phone (never mind that I homeschool my children and don't need to be disturbed during the day anyway!!!). Grrr...

    People really don't understand. It is frustrating.
  15. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    I work part time in a call center doing educaton surveys. There are some nights I can barely get the questions out of my mouth. and I can hear people on the other end as being tired and not wanting to answer a bunch of questions too..
  16. nah.stacey

    nah.stacey Member

    I sometimes wonder if it is the emotional draw that makes us so tired. My mother thinks I'm a jerk because I never answer the phone. My list of excuses is waning. Can't they just leave a message? That's what I tell everyone now days. If it's important just give me the info and if you need an answer, well, if I call you back that means yes, no call, that means no.

    I understand about the whole phone thing. Yes it is exhausting for whatever reason.

    Hang in there, eventually they will get the message, or NOT.
  17. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    The phone is the only conctact I have sometimes with the outside world! Yes, it can get tireing, but its a good tired.

    My son's/grandchildren live in other states, and do not call that often. My daughter is a realestate agent, and sometimes works seven days a week, but does manage to call me for a half hour or so in the mornings. I really look forward to those calls!

    I am here alone with my American Bulldog,110lb girl who is a great deal of company and a little girl that is 10lbs (very sassy with the Bulldog!), without them I would be totally lost. But they can't talk :)...

    Sorry ladies, I am with Lilac, I love a phone call!! can talk for hours about just about anything.

    I go for days sometimes without anyone calling except my daughter in the mornings. It is depressing..................Plus like most people with FM I do not sleep well at night, so a phone call is soooo appreciated!

    I hope you get some calls Lilac, I truly know how you feel..............

    Shalom, Shirl
  18. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    about the fact that I, for one, often complain that nobody calls, nobody even checks to see how I am, and my friends no longer contact me.

    Why would they? I don't answer the phone! Everyone needs to leave a message on my voice mail. Maybe I'll call them back someday when I'm not too tired.

    I'm clearly sending mixed messages. "Call me, but I probably won't answer."

    But it's true. It's so exhausting and stressful to talk on the phone. I dread when the phone rings. But, dangit! Why don't you ever call me???

  19. jole

    jole Member

    Fay, you have me laughing....sooooo how I feel! But why is it I can spend time on the computer and visit, and that doesn't bother me...but talking on the phone does?

    I think it's the fact that it's so hard to be "up" and "happy" when we don't feel like it, especially when the voice is there and the person isn't. The contact just isn't the same as face-to-face. Although I usually don't have the energy for long conversations then either.. *sigh*........jole[This Message was Edited on 09/25/2009]
  20. I think its because usually because its someone complaining about being tired or not feeling good. BE ME WITH FIBRO AND YOU WOULDN"T COMPLAIN ! Or its endless yack ,yack, yack about nothing for an hr or more and is BORING and not important. My friend always says she won't keep me, but goes over and over the same things for an hr or MORE! grrr!

    My husband always says tell them you have to go, I do but they continue, on and on! I can't be rude but feel like telling them DON't CALL!