Fear for the Future

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by yellowbird, Dec 2, 2006.

  1. yellowbird

    yellowbird New Member

    I'm a 36 year old, single woman. I've had CFS since I was 22, just finishing university. I've never been in any romantic relationship, despite wanting one and being very attractive, intelligent, etc.

    For a long time I thought something was wrong with my psychologically, but now I think it's the CFS: often home-bound, self-confidence shattered, etc etc. Also I'm looking for someone of the same sex, which can be hard to find. I 'fell in love' 7 years ago, but it was/is unrequited & I think my being stuck at home has kept me dwelling on it & has almost warped my sense of reality, you know?

    I'm afraid that I'm going to wind up with no support. My mother and sister are very supportive but they live in Europe; my only 'local' support is my father, who is 75 and in good shape but obviously won't be around forever.

    I know I have more support than a lot of people here, but I've also been sick most of my adult life and I'm scared, really scared sometimes, of what may pass me by. I'm a writer and I have a satisfying and intense intellectual life, but I need something 'real'...

    Thanks for listening,

  2. netnut

    netnut New Member

    I can understand your fear.

    You sound like a very interesting and intelligent woman. This may sound stupid and like a long shot but have you considered joining any online dating services? I would not invest money but there are some interesting clubs out there that have folks who have disabilities and some of the same interests as you.

    I know there is a msn group for people with fibro and who are gay. I would bet there would be something for people who are writers and are gay with disabilities. The possibilities are out there.

    If you can make friends online then you can work from there. I have known people who ended up married or in long term relationships after meeting someone online. I met my best friend online. Its hard because she is in Texas and I live on the east coast but thats what free long distance is for...lol.

    Im sure you can work this out. No one wants to be alone and that includes people with our DDs. You deserve to find a mate who will adore you.
  3. yellowbird

    yellowbird New Member

    thanks netnut and prickles.

    Going out to classes is not at all an option for me right now. Because I have very specific interests, I'm also not sure that online dating would work for me, although I've recently found a community of very like-minded people online: bloggers. The 'group' I've found seems kind clique-y though, and I can't tell if a lot of them have met in real life, or if just anyone can sort of join in... maybe over time I'll figure it out.
  4. yellowbird

    yellowbird New Member

    I guess my writing is best described as experimental poetry and fiction.

    I too went though *years* of panic over my fiancial future. I have now worked things out: a combination of welfare and family support.

    Also: I know your extended family doesn't live near you, so it doesn't matter that much, but just as sort of 'reminder': people can really come around to understanding your illness. Some people in my life have gone from being mean and cynical to really supportive (unfortunately because they see how long it's lasted).

  5. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I sincerely hope you feel better one day. I keep hoping medical research finds a way to help us.

    I wish many of us lived in the same city and could meet to support each other - and lift each other up when we are down. In the meantime, this board will have to make do.

    I really believe there is a true love for everyone. At age 40 I met the love of my life. Before meeting him I felt so alone in this world. All I wanted was to find someone to love and be loved back.

    One very miraculous day, a friend asked me to meet her friend for dinner because she could not go. I was working nearby and said fine.

    While at the restaurant my future husband was sitting at the bar alone. The gal I was with was constantly laughing and he was very annoyed - he kept turning and looking at her.

    Something just told me he was the one. I even said to myself "oh my gosh, I am going to marry that man"!!

    The person I was having dinner with never even knew we met. I passed by him on the way to the bathroom and we exchanged business cards.

    Two day later we had out first date. Three months later we were living together and married the next year. For 3 years we were in a meltdown. It was like we knew each other before and were actually reunited.

    We are compatible on every level. I am sharing that experience and believe it can happen for anyone. I strongly suggest you put a strong wish out to the universe, asking to meet the person for you to love and to love you.

    He is out there and you never know when it will happen, or who it will be. Believe me, no one would have set up my husband and I.

    I am caucasian with blond hair, he is from Japan and has strong accent, very Japanese. I had no knowledge of his culture, etc. In fact, when we met, I touched his left arm to see if he was wearing a wedding ring and he freaked. (You don't touch a Japanese person).

    My husband is the most interesting person I have ever met.
    He writes stories about his childhood in Japan, he acts on tv commercials, owned a successful restaurant (is a sushi chef), went to college for engineering and invented many things, wonderful personality and handsome.

    I want you to have hope for this to happen for you. Most importantly, keep yourself open for it to happen.

    It does not matter if you have CFS or whatever - when someone loves you, they are not judging your health.

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