Fears

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lucysmom2, Sep 7, 2006.

  1. lucysmom2

    lucysmom2 New Member

    Not exactly sure how to explain this, but was wondering if anyone can relate to this. I spend way too much time worrying about what my future holds with this DD. I just turned 65, have a great second husband (been married 5 years). He is eleven years older than I and I worry every day that he will...how can I say this gently....die before I do and I will be left alone, not able to take care of myself because of this stupid, frustrating, painful, tiresome disease which I have had for almost 4 years.

    Prior to my second marriage I was single for 16 years, worked every day, supported myself and with the exception of an anxiety disorder, was happy with myself as a person and enjoyed my life.

    Now all this has changed. I'm just not the same person I was four years ago....mentally or physically. One of my worst symptoms is that I am just plain scared all of the time. And although I take care of myself day to day I have this unshakeable fear that I would not be able to do it alone...that I just wouldn't get out of bed and face the day alone.

    Sorry for being so depressing, but I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.
  2. tobelct

    tobelct Guest

    Im 34 with four children 7-18 and I fear all the time of loosing my husband and how would I cope. I was a horse rider started before I could walk. Bought horses for my kids then I got sick. I no longer ride with them alone for fear I can not help them. I don't like to drive far from home for fear car will break down and I can't take care of the kids, I fear being home alone with the kids for fear one may gets hurt and I don't have the strangth physical or mental to help. I live in fear every day because I lost the control of my physical and mental abilities. And in doing so I lost a whole lot of me. But I cope and find ways to stabalize my fears. I try to rationalize the situation. I have to kids older who could help. But it doesn't stop the feeling of not being in controll of ones body.
  3. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    Please talk to people about this. These fears are paralizing you girls and with everything else you have going on, you don't need it. I suggest you talk to a therapist about these fears if you have that option available or talk to someone at church, there are many support groups in churches these days. You are not the only one's feeling this way, and others could learn from you as well.

    You may be spending energy on something that may not even happen. Enjoy what you have today and keep educating yourselves and seeking treatment for all your symptoms. I have such a strong feeling that the doctor's will come up with a treatment for us. Hang in there and enjoy your loved ones today...tomorrow will work it's way out without all your worry.

    Relax and take in the love around you!

    Jane
  4. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Good for you for posting this thread!

    I do understand. Since becoming ill I was in a long-term relationship until one day he just didn't call anymore. (I knew he was OK from talking with his sister.) While it wasn't the same as being married, I did depend on him for many things not the least of which - no, the most of which! - was moral support. I was really thrown for a loop when that was gone from my life.

    But you know, I'm doing fine now. I decided that while I'm not rich I could do as wealthy people do: I decided I needed support "teams". I now have a medical "team", a financial/legal "team" and a personal support "team". This board is part of my personal team. Other friends online and a few in person are on it too as well as my children and grandchildren. For the medical team I have my PA and doctor as well as any specialists I decide to consult. I have a CPA who does my taxes and I call him with financial concerns. I also have a lawyer to consult should I need one. I often (not always!) have to pay these people but it gives me a great sense of self-reliance to choose whom to consult, to pay them fairly for their expertise and be done with it!

    I should have had these teams in place long ago but like many who tend to be co-dependant I let my friend do a lot of it. Wrong! That was unhealthy for me and for him.

    As for fear, we only have one day at a time to live and if we live it in fear as some of you are doing - as I have done - we really lose the only time we actually have. Please see your doctor and/or a therapist about your anxieties. Life is too short not to enjoy it as much as possible. (I assume you're on meds for anxiety?)

    After all, your husband is here now. Enjoy him!

    Hugs to you,
    Marta
  5. lucysmom2

    lucysmom2 New Member

    Thanks for taking the time to give much welcomed guidance.
    I was in psychotherapy for 20 months when this DD first struck. At that time, it wasn't really about being able to live alone, but more about other issues. As a matter of fact my diagnoses was depression, somatization (i.e. fibro all in my head). It was very costly. Now I see a regular psychiatrist who prescribes for me, a rheumatologist and that's it. I'm a chronic worrier and project alot about the future. I realize it's not a good thing...but a very difficult cycle to break. I'm working on it. And thank you once again, all of you. I know we all have our own problems.
  6. tobelct

    tobelct Guest

    It was about two years ago when my cfs started having so bad affect on my life that it was effecting those around me. Mainly my children and husband.
    I got to the point were I could not function. (at that time I did not know what was wrong. And the doctors said I was depressed but I wasn't I wanted to do alot of things but couldn't) I spent most of my time on the couch triing to guide the goings on of my house hold as best as I could. My oldest at home was 10 yougest was 4. My oldest new I was triing to cook some chicken in the oven but she also knew mommy was sick again. She tried to take the chicken of the oven and it spilled all the way down the front of her. She recieved third degree burns down the front. The doctors wanted to know why my daughter was cooking why I was on the couch. I felt guilty enough.... Then I also felt like a bad mom.____
    later during that year my horses got out. There is 4 of them. Well I can not very well handle four horses at one time so my daughter came to help. We got them caught up and on the way home. It was just a mile walk back but I was so exhausted I could not go any farther. Here I was stuck with my young daughter and four horses a mile from home at 5am with my other two children at home sleeping and I could not get back to them. All my children are energetic and my youngst at that time would like to get up early at try to cook eggs. Not that I wanted it but that is what he would like to do. I was a mile from him and couldn't get to him.____. Had all my kids with me its 100 mile trip to my old doctor. We had just gone to visit him and I was driving home. Came to a stop sign and fibro fog kicked in not only did I not know the way home I also could not figure on what side of the road to drive.
    My fears are real they happen in everyday activity. I am loosing controll of my life, and some times in doing so I put the life of my kids in danger.
    _____ My oldest daughter is not 13 she now has her own horse that I bought her 2 years ago she is a lovley Arab/thourobred mare. After taking 1 year to train her. I sit by the side lines and my daughter does as I instruct.They are ready to go with frieds. But at first I would go along. I would get my old mare who is now 15 and get her to stand by the truck then I would go get my stair step and get up to the bed of the truck and get on. Then down the road we would go. All the time me micro manageing from fear. This time we went with a friend who was on there horse. We were doing great when we came around a corner nose to nose with a lama. Now I don't know how many of you who know horse but I can gaurantee there are few horses who will stand still at the sight of one of these creatures and not bolt or any such thing that causes comotion.And sure enough my daughters horse took off. Now my mare is fast and she can hold on for a bit. But its me up there and I bearly can manage a easy walk but I tried. I got through the trott and ready to go into the run... But I couldn't hold on the pain racking through my body was so bad and the exhostion to the extent I could not stay in the saddle I had to watch my daughters horse run away with my daughter and there was nothing I could do. Luckly all the paid training did take place my daughter got her horse under controll came back thrilled at the ride. And now wants to be a jocky. But once agian I was not able to do my job as a mother ---- My youngest daughter came to me and asked if I could replace her pony that had passed away 2 years b-4 (this pony could have been saved if I had not had so much attention to my own needs and not noticed that my kids first horse the one who protected them was in trouble) By the time I realized he was colicy I tried to get him up on his feet but I once again did not have the enery from this darn desease I watched him die in front of me and there wasn't nothing I could do. So yes I said yes hunny mommy will find you a real sweet pony who is young and helthy and will pack you through shows and over mountains and so forth. So hunting I went. This pony had to be perfect to replace the one I let die. But I no longer made the money I used to. Another aspect of this disease I do not have the mental ability I used to and lost over 3/4 of my income. So I had to settle for a yearling pony this year with a gental disposition and enough fire to keep my tender daughter busy. One who would protect her when need her nad nuzzle her when needed and I founded and blasted if now I have to find a trainer and why CAUSE THIS DAMED ILLNESS HAS MADE ME SO WEEK AND INCAPABLE. I 400# baby and I can't handle her.
    Yes Im scared, and yes Ive lost controll of my life and I live in fear every day that I will let my kids and my husband or my horses down again.