feel depressed over my looks

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, May 29, 2006.

  1. I feel awafull I work partime and been at this job for 8 years I was told my apperance needs to improve.They are wanting me to manage at a restaurant I guess I needed a more professional look ,I guess I didn't KNOW i WAS Getting so bad.I Have never been one to judge by appearce As long as someone is clean but I guues others do.I ware a just a tad of make up and I hate to do my hair especially since I got so sick.Any suggestion On how to seem more polished,I nned to have my hair pulled back and was wondering about hints and also just feed back about this,.Was told the owner and a few other managers had mentioned this, Thanks
  2. HoneyPooh

    HoneyPooh New Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling bad about yourself. It's tough having someone tell you you need to change your appearance when you're already feeling low. I can relate to not feeling up to doing much, if anything, with your appearance. There are days when I break out in a sweat just getting dressed!

    I frequently pull my hair back - it's easier to manage and I can't stand to have it brush my face or neck. You don't mention whether your hair is long or short, but I've found the best place to start is with a good cut. If your hair is short, your stylist may be able to recommend some products you can use to keep your hair easy to manage. For long or short hair, simply adding pretty hair accessories can give you a more professional appearance-hair pins with crystals, fancy pony-tail holders, headbands, clips-just make sure they aren't too tight or you'll have a raging headache by the end of your shift.

    If you would like some tips on easy make-up tricks, schedule a visit for a make-over. I don't recommend department stores since the cosmetics are usually located near the perfumes and you frequently have to walk a distance to get to the store. Some smaller malls have specialty stores that only sell cosmetics and quite often, they have natural ingredients. Don't feel pressured to purchase any of the products they try to sell you. Simply enjoy the pampering - you deserve it! Let the consultant know that you don't want a look that is time-consuming. You might also consider contacting a consultant that will come to your home - Avon and Mary Kay are two that I know of. If you do want to use their products you have the added benefit of being able to have them mailed to you. I don't know about Avon, but I do know that Mary Kay will modify their formula if you are sensitive to the ingredients (fragrances, for example).

    Something you may also want to consider is whether or not you are dealing with undiagnosed or under-treated depression. Prior to being treated for my depression, I gave very little thought to my looks. Nowdays, I know that if I begin to neglect my appearance then I need to take a look at my depressive state. There are times when I require more medication or other treatments to get me through.

    Take care of yourself and remember that we all think you're beautiful!
  3. Scapper

    Scapper New Member

    Sorry to hear your job is focusing on appearances. Little do they know how you feel on the inside.

    Well, if this job is something you have to do for yourself, I was thinking of some simple things.

    Jewelery is the number one dresser upper -- accessorize!!! Earrings and necklace can do wonders. There is some great costume jewelry out not and it's not expensive.

    I don't know that type of clothing you need to wear. Is it a black pants/white shirt type place? What have you been wearing?

    Aside from a little more make-up and some jewelery, I'm not sure. What type "look" are they looking for?

    Most importantly, try not to take it personally. I know it can sting!! The restaurant industry is a superficial business -- it's not just you.

    Let us know how you do and try not to get too stressed over it!

  4. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    I am sure that took you by shock. It would be. The way our bosses want us to dress for work can be so subjective. What pleases one may not another. Some restaurants won't let you wear jewelry, some make you wear your hair up, etc.

    I think your best bet would be to go to them as soon as you can and pin them down on exactly what they want from you and what they meant by that. It could be as simple as they want you to wear a certain style of clothing or stop wearing a certain style of clothing. Things to look at and think about are:

    Are your clothes pressed and ironed?
    No holes or rips
    Hair clean and groomed
    Nails clean
    Skirts too short
    Pants too short
    Clothes too tight
    No stains or spots
    No piercings such as nose or tongue

    I am not saying these are things that you are doing or not doing. Please don't think that I just am giving examples of what employers complain about. I used to work in a restaurant and heard most of them. When I was 16 I would go in with wrinkled clothes and they would fuss at me.

    Now if you had said you worked in an office they could possibly mean something as simple as needing to wear suits or professional attire. I really think that they shouldn't be talking about make up because that is a personal choice and no job should ever be able to tell you to wear makeup (unless you work at a makeup counter or for Avon)

    I honestly think you should make them tell you exactly what they mean so that you can do what you can to move up in the company, if that is what you want. It could be some really little thing like they want you to wear a certain style pant or something.

    I sure hope you figure it out. I really hope you get the management job too. Don't let it worry you too much. I know how you feel about not feeling like fixing your hair. I think putting it back like you do should be sufficient. Just ask them what they want and if it isn't something that comprimises your beliefs, do what they ask and go in there and knock em dead with your new professional look!! Best wishes and let us know when you start managing.
  5. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    I forgot to say to you to please stop being depressed over your looks. Just because "they" said you look unprofessional doesn't mean you don't look good. There are plenty of people in the world who look great without looking "professional". I bet you look just fine. Don't let someone else define what you think about yourself. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

  6. dolfenn43

    dolfenn43 New Member

    Well I know how you feel. Im not the type that has the talent to whip up a style throw on some make up and done in a few min. and ready for work and look great.

    What I do is always keep my eye open and look at how others do their hair. I ALWAYS use hair products.And MORE isnt Better. Not the cheap stuff either. Like volumeizing stuff or what your hair styilist suggest. I just had my hair cut at Pennys for 25$ not bad, I had found a picture of a hair cut and the stylist thought it would look good, with the type of hair I have. This was the first time I wasnt able to have my hair weaved (Streked with few differetn colors) couldnt afford it but still loooked so much better cuz it was cut in a style. The girl that cut my hair showed me how to use the blow dryer and everything.to get it to look like it did in the picture so far so good.

    Also I took my daughter for prom to get her make-up done at a spa. the ones that do everything from toenails to eyebrows to massages. (spelling) 35$ She looked beautiful and not like she had a ton of make up on. Natural but beautiful. They charge 65$ for a lesson here in Alaska on how to apply make up. they match your skin type to the right color. Thats my big problem. Its the key to looking good. I think. The right color and the right kind of foudation for your skin. Its worth the $ Like the girls said above skip the big stores.

    I was so happy with the results with my daughters make up Id save my $ to get the lessons.

    youll have your own make over :)

    Good luck dolfenn
    ps mayr kay and companies like avon arent profinioals (Sp) and their products, well my opinion dont met all skin type and color and problem needs. They need to sell product. And know minimal about appling make up to YOUR needs.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/30/2006]
  7. Wow am so happy to hear all the comments.The thing is I can take this advice and make something better come out of it. The problem for me isI have more Regular customers than anyone at my place I am talking maybe 5o a week.So these nice people have liked me just the way I am, Clean, nice friendly loving caring and get their food right and fast.I have had them calling the ownners also.How they miss me when I am managing at night instead of working days. As for as depression thats possible but I have never been big on too mcuh make up .I think being sick has caused me to not have the energy to worry about it.I was really proud for not crying when He told me because of fybro or pain I cry alot more or maybe meneopause,lol I am 41 Ruthie
  8. Edna

    Edna New Member

    One time my bosses wanted me to move from an office in the back up to one of the front offices because.... they wanted me to man the phones and enhance the appearance of the front office. Can you believe that????

    I told them if they wanted the phones manned they needed to start answering the phones and if they wanted the appearance of the front office enhanced they'd better start wearing panty hose!!!

    Another time my bosses told me they wanted me to dress differently too. I told them when they wanted to pay for my new wardrobe I'd be happy to change for them. They didn't and neither did I. I was 125 lbs and dressed really nice - they were just jerks oh, excuse me - JERKS!!

    No, I didn't have to move or dress differently - I'm glad I have an attitude - bosses get stupid sometimes.

    Without having read ALL the posts I'd say short hair seems to work OR long hair that can be stylishly put up - ponytails seem to be stylish if you can accessorize them.

    Makeup makeovers are good and it's nice to have other people work on your too :) Very morale boosting. Usually a salon that does makeup will do a makeover on you and most of them will teach you how to put makeup on.

    Take a girlfriend shopping with you for new clothes and a different look. I can't always tell what looks good on me or not - but usually a friend can help me (you) decide that.

    More than anything just remember that you are beautiful - inside and out. So, bah, humbug on them - don't let them rain on your parade. Keep true to yourself and be your own best friend inspite of anything or anyone else.

    When you need a morale boost come here - we love to tell you how wonderful you are. Love you.

  9. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    ....but from experience, I'll bet on hair and posture. Maybe take a look at the other employees who've been around there a while to take clues from them.

    Get that professional haircut, the easy-to-maintain one that was suggested above and keep it clean and shiny. Ask the stylist to show you how to style it and tell you what products you need (hopefully, for your sake,not purfumed).

    I'm going to assume that your clothing is clean, pressed and nothing too gaudy or t-shirt-y with slogans or photos on them. I think a crisp white shirt, neatly pressed black or khaki pants, a pair of well-polished shoes, a touch of makeup and your new hairdo will be excellent.

    After that, stand up straight, look people in the eye and smile. Then remember to give yourself a gentle pat on the back! You deserve it!

  10. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    you can tell them to get some type of a uniform.So everyone knows the code.I like peoples hair pulled back its just cleaner looking and less likely to find hair in your food.Buy a nice pair of earrings like a gold ball,or a pearl. nothing expensive just simple.Im sure you are very clean ,so just try to smile more thats better then the jewerly.
  11. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I have never worn any makeup in my entire life.Not even lipstick.

    I do not believe that improves your appearance.
    Like another poster said posture .Your hair should be clean and neatly tied back.I use scrunches all the time I have shoulder length hair.

    But makeup never and I would not wear it even for my job.I was an assistant manager for Wal-Mart I would wear a suit or a nice blouse and slacks .With a nice pair of shoes.Never makeup though.

    I hope you fine the answers you need.Good luck to you.

    Take care
  12. ANNXYZ

    ANNXYZ New Member

    shoes that are polished and not overly worn
    nails that are trimmed and filed
    hair that is clean and has some sort of style
    Clothes that tend to be somewhat conservative - not too far out - more understated

    Things that do not look polished :
    shoes that are ragged ; clothes that are too tight or skimpy or provocative ; clothes that are not pressed ;
    dirty hair etc..

    When I was working I always kept several pairs ( and still do ) of NICE black slacks and khaki pants that were flattering . I also found it helpful to have at least one nice pair of practical but somewhat stylish
    brown shoes, and one pair of black. With these essentials , I could usually find something to put together daily that was presentable.

    Having a simple handbag ( doesn't have to be gucci )
    and a few simple pieces of jewelry can jazz up clothes that are not fancy designer duds . The jewelry does not have to be costly . A good idea is to find a friend who has the ability to help you put together some basic wardrobe essentials that are tasteful and flattering to you .

    This can be fun, and you will feels better about yourself . You do not have to be a rich lady to have a
    polished look that is put together .