feeling guilty......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kimfibro, Dec 26, 2005.

  1. kimfibro

    kimfibro New Member

    okay, christmas day i brought my son to the other side of the family for 5 hours. it's a half hour drive one way. then (it really was my turn for the driving) i picked him up so we could have our dinner all together and finish celebrating christmas day.

    my son and i slept over my brother's. early christmas morning we all opened our gifts (my brother's girlfriend was here as well and i love her like a sister most of the time) had a wonderful time. then i drove my son, went to my home, took shower and brought more food items/ingrediants to my brothers.

    it was already 12:30pm by this time. my brother's girlfriend went to her parents and us 3 were supposed to go there late in the day for dessert, etc.

    i made the turkey dinner, cleaned up, etc. even made the pumpkin pie. don't get me wrong: loved doing it but was feeling pretty tired early on. left at 3:30 to go get my son; we returned and then we ate christmas dinner together. i then cleaned up the dishes, put all the food away, etc.

    then my brother's girlfriend called at 5:30 and asked him when we were coming, that some of her family was leaving etc. i heard him say, we just got finished cleaning up here, no problem, i know i'll be there soon enough and don't make anyone wait for us...

    i was plain and simply exhausted. needed space. can't put it more plainly. do any of you get that? you know? your body and mind are saying enough already!!

    so then my son 'claims' he had a stomach ache. well, the timing of it all seemed odd. he likes her family, etc but he's only 8 and i believe he fibbed a bit so he could play around with his toys. so i told my brother i wasn't exactly up to it. he said he was going and nobody should be gnashing their teeth over anything.

    next morning he called his girlfriend and told her to come over for coffee w/us and a movie. she didn't return call. so i called a bit later and left a msg that it was me, to call etc. she didn't the whole day through.

    i found out thru my brother that she's 'disappointed' and that i should have put more effort into making it over to her parents.

    okay. i feel sick to my stomach over this. yes, i could have put more effort in; her parents are wonderful and kind and my brother brother returned from there w/some wonderful gifts from them. (i sent gifts to them w/my brother.)

    is she being immature? am i being selfish? i love them dearly. but can i somehow be excused? or am i a christmas creep??????
    PLEASE respond w/our input....i need some. still haven't heard from her. i do believe she's back at work today though.
  2. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    please dont feel guilty, i didnt cook on xmas day and didnt have much clearing to do but i was still whacked out and boxing day i was asleep by 8pm.
    a normal person can only take so much and we take even less but the factstill remains your son whether it was real or not had a stomach complaint and if she wants to make something out of it then drop her mum a line and say so sorry you didnt make it but your son was unwell.

    no your not selfish and dont let her tell you otherwise.
  3. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    I know how you feel. I can't say I would have been up to anymore either!! I would just give her time to cool off & then explain why you were unable to make it. After I have cooked Christmas dinner & cleaned up after it I have no energy left to do anything. Christmas can be very hard because we have to divide up our time so much. When I was married to my ex-husband, who's family lives in the same town as we do, Christmas was a hectic hussle from one house to another. My daugher didn't even get to stay home & play with her new toys! I don't miss that part of those times, that is for sure.

    Good luck,
    Leanne
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member


    What I have learned to do, and, when I was coounseling, would advise my clients, is just to say well in advance of these times, "I have a debilitating disease and although I would LOVE to attend, I just cannot, but I would truly appreciate if someone took a snapshot and sent it to me so I don't miss out on all of the fun."

    It is really hard for people who just do not "get" what fatigue and pain is like to understand one is just not being selfish or a wimp and I feel a really positive message is one that people will accept more readily. Sounds like you did a lot in any case, so praise yourself for doing so much! Cromwell